Tag: coping

Mom Burnout Doesn’t Always Look Like Breaking Down

by Mothersense, posted in Mental Health Recovery, Reclamation



When people talk about burnout, they usually picture someone falling apart.

Crying.
Snapping.
Completely overwhelmed and unable to keep going.

And sometimes it does look like that.

But sometimes it doesn’t.

Sometimes burnout is quiet.

It looks like getting up every day and doing exactly what needs to be done, but feeling nothing while you do it.
It looks like checking the boxes, answering the calls, making the meals, showing up for everyone… and still feeling like you are not really there.

Not sad enough to fall apart.
Not okay enough to feel at peace.

Just somewhere in the middle.

Stuck.

I think that version of burnout is harder to recognize, because from the outside, everything looks fine.

You are still functioning.
The house is still running.
The kids are still cared for.
Life is still moving forward.

But inside, something feels off.

You are tired in a way that sleep does not fix.
You are overwhelmed in a way that is hard to explain.
You are needed constantly, and somehow still feel invisible.

And then comes the guilt.

Because how do you admit you are burned out when you are still doing everything you are supposed to do?

How do you say you are struggling when nothing is technically falling apart?

So you don’t.

You push it down.
You tell yourself other people have it harder.
You remind yourself to be grateful.

And you keep going.

That is what a lot of mom burnout actually looks like.

It is not always a breaking point.

Sometimes it is a slow fading.

A quiet losing of yourself in the middle of taking care of everyone else.

A life that starts to feel more like responsibility than something you are living.

And the hardest part is, you can stay there for a long time.

Because nothing forces you to stop.

There is no clear moment where everything crashes and demands your attention.

There is just that quiet voice in the back of your mind that says, something is not right.

If you are in that place, I want you to hear this.

You do not have to fall apart for your burnout to be real.

You do not have to earn rest by reaching a breaking point.

You are allowed to acknowledge that you are tired.
You are allowed to admit that something feels off.
You are allowed to need more than just getting through the day.

Not every season is meant to feel full and meaningful and balanced.

Some seasons are heavy.

But you are still in there somewhere.

Even if you feel a little disconnected.
Even if you are just going through the motions right now.

This is not the end of you.

It is a signal.

A quiet one, maybe.
But an important one.

And maybe the next step is not fixing everything all at once.

Maybe it is just noticing.

Maybe it is just being honest with yourself.

Maybe it is just giving yourself permission to say, this is harder than I thought it would be.

That matters.

More than you think.

Dinner Conversations We Avoid, But shouldn’t

Featured by Mothersense, posted in financial-planning, This Life

The Dinner Table Conversation We Avoid… But Shouldn’t
There’s something sacred about the dinner table.
It’s where backpacks get unpacked, where stories spill out about teachers and tests, where we remind our kids to eat their vegetables and ask about their day. It’s where life happens. Messy, loud, beautiful life.
Between the “Did you finish your homework?” and “Don’t forget practice tomorrow,” we’re building something bigger than routines. We’re building a sense of safety.


But here’s a question most of us never ask in those moments:
What would happen to all of this if I wasn’t here tomorrow?


Peace of Mind Isn’t Just a Feeling. It’s a Plan.
We spend so much time protecting our families in everyday ways. Locking doors, checking grades, making sure everyone gets where they need to be.


But real peace of mind comes from knowing your family wouldn’t be left overwhelmed, confused, or struggling to pick up the pieces if the unthinkable happened.
Grief is hard enough without paperwork, court dates, and unanswered questions.


A Conversation I’ve Already Started
I’ll be honest. I’ve had these conversations with my family.
I have a document ready with all my important logins and passwords, and I keep it updated regularly. Someone knows where it is. That matters more than people realize.
I’ve talked through the hard things with my husband and my older kids. Not because I want to, but because I need to.
And yes, sometimes it gets uncomfortable.


Like when I told my kids I changed my mind about insisting on cremation. I told them, “Do what you guys want.” There are five of them, so good luck with that decision.
But I did give them one non negotiable.
At whatever kind of gathering they have for me, they must play “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life).” (They don’t need to know how it ties back to an episode of ER I watched with my mom that left us both bawling.)


My youngest gets so uncomfortable every time I bring it up. He tells me, “Mom, tell the others, not me.”


Oh, I do.


I tell all of them. Often enough to make sure they know.
Because As Much As It Sucks, It’s Necessary
I know this isn’t a fun topic.
It sucks.
But it is necessary.
If I leave this world suddenly, I don’t want my family sitting around asking:


What do we do now?


Where is everything?


What would she have wanted?


I cannot be here forever with them.
But I can guide them through these choices now.
We all die. That is the truth no one likes to say out loud.
But I can ease some of the frustration, some of the confusion, and even a little of the pain that comes after.


The Reality Most Families Aren’t Prepared For:

Without preparation, families are left trying to figure everything out while grieving:


Where are the bank accounts?
Who gets access to what?
What were the wishes?
How do they even begin?


If things are not set up properly, it can all end up in probate. This is a long, expensive, and emotionally draining process.
And it does not have to be that way.
Simple Steps That Change Everything


This is not about fear. It is about love. These are simple, practical ways to protect your family:


✔️ Financial Protection
Have life insurance or burial coverage
Consider prepaid funeral plans
✔️ Direct Beneficiaries
Make sure all bank accounts have designated beneficiaries
This allows access with just an ID and death certificate
✔️ Protect Your Home


File a Transfer on Death (TOD) deed


This helps your home pass directly to your chosen person without probate
The Documents That Speak for You When You Can’t
Putting your wishes in writing is one of the greatest gifts you can leave behind:

  • Living Will outlines your healthcare wishes
  • Durable Power of Attorney handles legal decisions
  • Healthcare Power of Attorney handles medical decisions
  • Last Will and Testament determines who receives your belongings
  • Funeral Planning Declaration states your final wishes
  • These do not have to be complicated. They just need to clearly reflect your wishes.


Make It Easy for the People You Love
One of the most overlooked steps is also one of the most important.
Create a master list of:

  • Bank accounts
  • Investments
  • Credit cards
  • Bills and utilities


Make sure someone knows:
Where your life insurance policies are
Where to find titles for vehicles and property
How to access your accounts and passwords


Because in today’s world, access is everything.


The Conversation That Matters Most


Talk to your family.
Even when it feels awkward.
Even when they do not want to hear it.
Tell them your wishes. Explain your decisions. Let them ask questions.
What feels uncomfortable now becomes clarity later.
It’s Not About the End. It’s About Love.
We cannot control what happens tomorrow.
But we can control how prepared we are today.
So maybe tonight, between dinner and dishes, you start a different kind of conversation.
Not a scary one.
A loving one.
Because true peace of mind is not just knowing your family is okay today.
It is knowing they will be okay no matter what.

Love and light! 😉

Legacy planning
Debt help

Becoming and Unbecoming

by Mothersense, posted in This Life

2026 has already been a doozy.
We welcomed January with a whole host of breaks—some expected, some not. Now we’re stepping into February, and the old groundhog has seen his shadow. Six more weeks of winter, and honestly? I’m not mad about it.
I prefer cooler temperatures. Always have. But the darkness—sometimes that gets to me. Not in a seasonal depression kind of way, more like a please give me a little more daylight so I can get things done kind of way. Still, this in-between season matters. Transition always does.
Maybe that’s why this time feels so significant—because I am transitioning too.
I’m becoming a better version of myself. A more complete self. One who is no longer trying to mask big feelings or tuck disappointments neatly out of sight for the comfort of others. I am becoming more. And if I’m too loud, too much, too intense for some people—as Elyse Myers so perfectly put it—“Go find less.”
I will happily apologize for past wrongs, for mistakes I’ve made, for moments where I fell short. But I will not apologize for being myself. If that means some people fall away, I will let them. I’ll grieve a little—because loss is still loss—but I also understand now that not everyone is meant to go where I’m headed.
This season is about becoming and unbecoming.
Letting go of what no longer fits.
Shedding versions of myself that were built for survival, not peace.
I will always fiercely defend my children and my chosen family. That part of me is immovable. But I am no longer clinging to blood ties simply because they exist. Those ties have been complicated—heavy—and loyalty owed solely to blood has caused me deep harm. I’m untangling that now. I’m lowering my expectations of people who have shown me, repeatedly, who they are.
And here’s the quiet power in that:
What I’m building next—what’s coming for me—cannot be touched or taken. It will be mine. And it will become a legacy for the family I created, not the one I was born into.
Winter can linger a little longer.
So can this becoming.
I’m not rushing it.

The Road goes on Forever…meet the crew

by Mothersense, posted in This Life

Sept 2
Today I head into the local workforce center for some sort of orientation. It is mandatory because we have had to apply for federal assistance. I do not know if anyone knows or understands that being on federal assistance, when you come from a long line of blue collar joes, is a pride swallowing, soul sucking endeavor. Most people will “get” that you are asking for help, but when you are tasked with being THE person to do the asking and sometimes it feels as if you are pleading for help, it drains you. When your days are filled with phone calls concerning the health of at least one of your family members and fighting with insurance to cover things that so many take for granted. I am grateful that the assistance is there; however, I am not thrilled that I have to arrange for someone to come and stay with my family while I attend this orientation and then patch my husband through via phone because he doesn’t travel well and sitting in an office chair for 60-90 minutes will hurt him too badly. So today we will do orientation at the local workforce center. I have so much to be grateful for but right now I want to explain part of our current journey. A little “meet the crew” if you will.
My youngest girl, well she has horrible headaches and jaw problems. The simplest fix is for her to get orthodontic intervention that will re-align her jaw hopefully cutting down on the teeth grinding and most likely will put an end to most of her headaches. That is a simple solution and definitely less expensive, however Medicaid has stopped covering braces or orthodontic intervention unless it is deemed “medically necessary” so we had to be referred to a neurologist, then back to the primary care provider as a follow up and then a consultation with the orthodontist ALL so these 3 medical professionals can decide that braces and orthodontic treatment are medically necessary. Now mind you this is not a simple “straightening of the teeth” this is jaw re-alignment and straightening of the teeth which should reduce her TMJ symptoms, teeth grinding, and straighten her teeth. Someone explain to me why this loop of ridiculousness is necessary?? Why is her PCP and orthodontist word that fixing her jaw is “medically necessary” not good enough?? Oh and now the neurologist has referred us to 2 more specialists opthamologist and cardiologist, just to be on the safe side and ordered a slew of blood tests. ALL to get a jaw and teeth fixed. This is the logic I am dealing with on a daily basis. Trying to find some way to help my child who is in pain at least 4 days out of the week and often wakes herself from sleep because she is grinding her teeth!!
My husband is a different story entirely. Enrollment papers were not mailed out to us so we defaulted into a healthcare plan that we did not choose. We find out this error when his neurologist calls to confirm his appointment and get his insurance information. So guess what?? Yeah, that neurologist doesn’t accept this insurance!! So what looked like HOPE…that we got into a neurologist rather quickly has turned into NOPE…BTW I made that appointment for hubs at the same time in June that I made my daughter’s (her appointment was August 27). Primary care doctor wants to have cervical and head MRI done, to get a better picture. He tries 3 times and insurance denies. So he refers to neurologist hoping that as a specialist the neuro will have more luck getting tests ran. We may wind up going to a hospital and asking to be admitted for observation and testing. Honestly I feel desperate at times. Sleep deprived sitting up answering surveys, working my Younique business, blogging, researching figuring out some way to hustle up money to pay the bills.
My middle gal, I love her to pieces as she has such a terrific heart and she can be an incredible person. BUT, yeah you knew it was coming, she has an alphabet of diagnoses. NO really, PDD-NOS (aka autism spectrum disorder), BPD rapid cycling, ADHD, ODD and a couple of others but I try not to focus on the diagnoses because she is so much more than all of those letters. Oh and let us not forget she is also 14 and hormonal and teen girls WITHOUT any neurological and gastric issues are in and of themselves a handful. And my middle gal is more than a handful. She has good days that can be incredibly awesome where she sleeps well, wakes up refreshed and accomplishes all of her tasks for school work and even may do some chores. But those bad days man they are doozies here lately. We had taken her off medication because she was homeschooled and we wanted her to learn coping mechanisms versus using pharmaceuticals as a crutch. Don’t get me wrong, modern medicine is AMAZING, but she is still developing all of the things that will make her who she is and I (we) are not fans of what some medications can do to a developing young person.
Then we have the oldest of our girls (the ones I gave birth to) and she has dyslexia and asthma along with an old shoulder injury that acts up from time to time. She is a real doll and my biggest helper and cheer leader. She is so dang smart, until you put her on the spot to read something and then she sort of shuts down. She learns by doing and seeing things done. She loves a good story but reading is problematic and she has lovely handwriting because her stubborn little butt sat down and hand copied the library books she brought home and PRACTICED her pretty handwriting!! I let her use my kindle a lot because it has text to speech and she can make pretty much any book an audio book and I try to help her understand literature by having her follow along the text to audio or watch a movie or play versus reading them. She has pretty darn good instincts too and is sensitive to energies around her and that may come in handy with the horses she plans on training.
We also have Babyboy in the house, he is almost 6 and he was our unexpected surprise baby!! Like for real the doctor congratulated us and apologized in the same breath!! He is an awesome little dude. SO articulate and he loves Farming Simulator and Minecraft and videos of people doing things and building things. Think planes, trains, and automobiles and that pretty much cover it and LEGOS, cannot forget about legos!! He is a boy alright and also loves to be outside and get dirty but hates to take a bath and wash his hair. He is a real snuggle bug too and is so very generous with smiles and hugs and will absolutely out of nowhere tell you that he loves you.
You may have already noticed that Big boy and Big girl have left the nest to pursue other things and for that I am humbled, grateful, proud, and just a little sad. I will when necessary update on their young adult lives but my focus on this blog is the journey of life and those we encounter so be prepared to meet some characters along the way. And while it seems like time has hit fast forward in some places and in others its as if someone has hit pause. How can that be?? My kids are all growing up and getting older and yet we still seem stuck in the same situation. Faith is the hope in things not seen. Giving up is not an option when someone is calling you mommy. Love and light readers. God Bless ya for reading!