Embracing Struggle

How Life’s Challenges Lead to Blessings

Life has a way of throwing curveballs at us when we least expect them. There are moments when the weight of our struggles feels unbearable, and it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that we are being punished or that we will never overcome the obstacles in our path. Yet, if we take a step back and look at our lives from a broader perspective, we might realize that struggle isn’t the enemy—it’s a necessary part of growth, transformation, and ultimately, the realization of our blessings.

The truth is, we often stand in the way of our own blessings, not because they aren’t meant for us, but because we struggle to embrace the challenges that are essential for our growth. Struggle, as paradoxical as it may seem, is part of the divine design of life. When we’re experiencing hardship, it’s easy to focus on the pain or the apparent lack of progress. But what if, instead of resisting those difficult times, we leaned into them? What if we learned to trust that, even when things seem bleak, something greater is unfolding behind the scenes?

The Gift in Struggle

Struggle teaches us resilience. It forces us to grow in ways we never would have imagined. When life tests us, we uncover strengths within ourselves we didn’t know existed. It’s in the hard moments—when we feel like we’re at our lowest—that we discover a well of courage, patience, and determination we never thought we had. It’s in the darkest valleys that we develop the perspective to truly appreciate the peaks.

The famous author C.S. Lewis once said, “Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.” How true this is! Often, we look at our struggles as things to avoid or eliminate, but they are often the very things that shape our future. Our challenges bring us closer to the people we are meant to be. Without those tests, without those failures, we wouldn’t have the capacity to appreciate the victories, the light, or the blessings when they arrive.

Faith and the Power of the Unseen

There’s a deep, unspoken truth in life: sometimes, we don’t see the good that is coming to us, not because it isn’t there, but because it isn’t visible yet. Faith is the quiet assurance that something greater than ourselves is at work. It’s the belief in things not seen, the trust that even when we can’t see the way forward, something beautiful is unfolding.

Whether you identify as religious or spiritual, many people have experienced moments where, looking back, they see how the challenges they faced led them to a place of profound growth and understanding. There’s a reason that “faith” is often spoken about in times of uncertainty—because it is in those moments, when we feel lost, that faith reminds us that there’s more to the story than what we see in front of us.

In these moments, it’s important to remember that what may feel like a setback is sometimes a redirection. Life, in its mysterious way, is preparing us for something far better than what we could have imagined. What we interpret as failure could be a setup for success—a process we have to go through to become who we’re truly meant to be.

Gratitude for the Darkness

It’s easy to be grateful when things are going well. We’re thankful for the good health, the steady job, the happy relationships. But what about when things are not going well? Can we also find gratitude in those times? Can we be thankful for the struggles, the challenges, the darkness?

I believe we can, and we should. The darkness teaches us to appreciate the light. It’s in the moments of deep struggle that we learn to recognize the power of joy, peace, and contentment when they do come. Imagine how easy it would be to take blessings for granted if we didn’t know what it was like to feel without them.

Gratitude for the darker times isn’t about ignoring the pain or pretending that everything is fine. It’s about recognizing that through hardship, we grow. We become more compassionate, more understanding, more resilient. We develop a deeper sense of gratitude for the things we used to take for granted. And in this process, we cultivate a strength that can only come from facing the storms of life head-on.

Growing Through What We Go Through

Ultimately, life is about growth. We are meant to evolve, to learn, to adapt. The struggles we face aren’t there to defeat us—they are there to refine us. Every time we face a challenge, we have a choice: we can give in to defeat, or we can use that challenge as an opportunity to grow. When we choose growth, we choose the path that leads us to better versions of ourselves.

Through each struggle, we develop new skills, insights, and emotional intelligence that enable us to navigate future challenges with greater ease. And when we approach life with a mindset of growth, we begin to see opportunities in places we once saw only obstacles.

So, instead of focusing on the difficulty of the moment, let’s shift our perspective. Let’s ask ourselves: What can I learn from this experience? How can I grow from this challenge? How can I use this to become a better version of myself?

The Blessing in the Struggle

Looking back on the challenges we’ve faced, it’s easy to see how they shaped who we are today. Some of our biggest blessings may have been disguised as hardships in the beginning. The job that felt like a dead end may have led to a more fulfilling career later. The relationship that ended may have opened the door for a deeper connection with someone else. The illness or setback may have forced us to slow down and reevaluate our priorities, leading us to a healthier, more balanced life.

In the midst of struggle, we can’t always see how things will unfold, but we can trust that, just as the sun rises after the darkest nights, so too will brighter days follow our challenges. Our struggles don’t define us—they refine us, helping us become who we are meant to be, ready to embrace the blessings that are on their way.

Wrapping it up for you:

Life is a mixture of light and dark, joy and sorrow, success and failure. It’s easy to be thankful when things are going well, but the true test of our character comes when we learn to appreciate the value of struggle, to embrace the unknown with faith, and to cultivate gratitude even in the darkest moments.

Through the struggles, the setbacks, and the pain, we grow. And in that growth, we discover our deepest blessings. So, the next time life feels like it’s challenging you beyond measure, remember this: your growth is happening in those moments. You are being prepared for something far greater than you can imagine, and sometimes, the struggles you face today are the stepping stones to the blessings of tomorrow.

Holiday Grief: It hurts but still you smile…

Navigating the Holidays with a Heavy Heart: Embracing Tradition Amidst Grief

The holidays are often portrayed as the most joyous time of the year — a season full of laughter, togetherness, and cherished traditions. But for many, this time of year can also carry a sense of quiet sadness, especially when a loved one is no longer part of the celebration. Whether through the death of a family member, a divorce, or another life event that causes a significant absence, the holidays can bring up complex emotions that are difficult to navigate.

The Quiet Grief of Missing Someone

Holidays are naturally a time for family and friends to gather, share meals, and reminisce about the past. It’s a season filled with memories, both old and new. But what happens when that one person who was always at the table, the one who filled the room with laughter or love, is no longer present? The absence of someone significant can turn a joyful occasion into a bittersweet one, where the chair left empty is a constant reminder of their absence.

It’s not just about the physical absence. Sometimes, the absence of someone — whether they’re gone due to death, divorce, or distance — feels like an emotional void. For example, the first holiday season after the loss of a spouse or parent can feel like you’re navigating a minefield of emotions. Their absence may seem to hang over every carol, every holiday tradition, and even every casual conversation. The laughter of children, the familiar holiday routines, and the bustle of the kitchen might feel jarring when the person you loved and shared those moments with is no longer there to partake.

In cases of divorce, the emotional challenges can be compounded by changes in family dynamics. Familiar spaces and family rituals become places of unfamiliarity and loss, as traditions that once brought comfort now carry a sting. Sometimes, families are also separated by distance, leaving a feeling of fractured connection, and the holiday spirit becomes a reminder of all that’s been lost.

Recognizing the Sadness

A crucial step in dealing with grief during the holidays is to acknowledge the sadness. Trying to ignore it or brush it aside can lead to feelings of resentment or frustration. It’s okay to admit that this year looks different — it’s okay to feel sad, to miss someone, or to mourn the changes that life has brought. Emotions are complex, and during a season that is supposed to be full of joy, it’s important to make space for the grief that surfaces.

It’s also important to understand that sadness doesn’t mean you aren’t enjoying the present moment. You can feel sadness and still find joy in the company of those around you. The grief that creeps in during the holidays is not a sign that you are ungrateful or unable to find joy, but rather a reflection of how much the person or situation meant to you.

How to Cope and Still Enjoy the Season

Even when sadness inevitably comes, it’s possible to still find ways to cherish the holidays, honor your grief, and enjoy the present. Here are a few strategies for coping with the bittersweet emotions of the season:

1. Create New Traditions

While keeping old traditions can bring comfort, sometimes they can also highlight the absence. If old traditions feel too painful, consider creating new ones. This doesn’t mean letting go of the old completely — you can still hold onto what matters — but a fresh tradition can provide a way to move forward while still honoring the past. Perhaps you could start a new tradition, like a family volunteering day, a cozy movie marathon, or cooking a dish that you didn’t make before. New memories can help balance out the grief and bring a sense of renewal.

2. Honor the Memory of the Lost Loved One

Rather than trying to suppress memories, find a way to honor them. Share stories about the person you miss. Light a candle in their memory or make a toast in their honor. These small acts allow you to include them in the celebration, not as a source of sadness, but as a reflection of love and the lasting impact they had on your life. You might even want to incorporate their favorite holiday song or dish into your festivities.

3. Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. It’s okay to cry, to feel frustrated, or to have moments of joy mixed with moments of sadness. Give yourself permission to feel whatever emotions arise without judgment. If you need to take a break from the festivities or step away for a moment of solitude, that’s perfectly okay. Processing grief in a way that feels authentic to you will help you manage the complex emotions of the season.

4. Reach Out for Support

If you’re struggling with grief, don’t hesitate to lean on friends, family, or even a counselor. Talking about your feelings, even if it’s just a quick check-in with someone who understands, can help ease the burden. Sometimes simply expressing how you’re feeling can make a huge difference. You don’t have to carry the weight of grief alone. Sharing in the sadness and joy together can help lighten the load.

5. Practice Gratitude in the Present Moment

While it’s natural to miss the past, focusing on the blessings in the present can provide a sense of peace. Take time to reflect on the things you’re grateful for, whether it’s your family, your health, or the little joys of the season — like a warm cup of tea, a festive decoration, or a quiet moment of reflection. Practicing gratitude can help you shift your focus from what is missing to what is still there, which can make the holidays feel more balanced.

6. Give Yourself Permission to Have Fun

You can still enjoy the holidays, even with sadness present. Don’t feel guilty for laughing, smiling, or finding moments of joy. Grief isn’t about living in constant sadness; it’s about learning how to navigate the ebb and flow of emotions. If you can find moments to laugh with your family, enjoy a holiday treat, or participate in activities that bring you joy, allow yourself to fully experience those moments without guilt. Your loved ones, whether living or passed, would want you to enjoy life, too.

Moving Forward with Love

The holidays will never be exactly the same as they once were, and that’s okay. Embrace the changes, find new ways to honor the memories, and don’t let grief overshadow the moments that can still bring joy. The people we miss may not be physically present, but they can still be a part of our celebrations in spirit.

Grief is a part of love, and love doesn’t vanish with time. It transforms. This holiday season, allow yourself to feel all the emotions — sadness, joy, gratitude — and find new ways to celebrate life, even in the face of loss. Your traditions, old and new, can be a beautiful way to keep the memories alive while embracing the present moment.

Mental Health Helps: Contacts for reaching out

How to Reach Out for Help When Struggling with Mental Health: Resources for Support

Mental health struggles are incredibly personal, and sometimes reaching out for help can feel overwhelming. Whether you are struggling with anxiety, depression, substance abuse, or issues related to sexual identity, there are multiple ways to get support. Seeking help is the first step toward healing, and there are numerous resources available to assist you in moments of crisis or to simply provide a listening ear when needed.

Here’s a guide on how to access the support you deserve.

1. Immediate Help: National Hotlines and Text Services

If you are in immediate distress, there are national helplines that offer confidential and free support, 24/7. These services can provide crisis intervention, emotional support, and guide you toward further resources.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (USA)

This is a free, confidential, 24/7 service that provides immediate support for anyone in crisis or experiencing suicidal thoughts. They also offer resources to help with mental health struggles such as depression, anxiety, and emotional distress.

Crisis Text Line

  • Text: Text “HELLO” to 741741
  • Website: Crisis Text Line
  • Available 24/7, Crisis Text Line offers text-based crisis intervention. It’s available for anyone experiencing stress, anxiety, panic attacks, or other emotional distress. Whether it’s a small issue or a life-threatening crisis, text lines offer help wherever you are.

The Trevor Project (LGBTQ+ Crisis Support)

  • Phone: 1-866-488-7386
  • Text: Text START to 678678
  • Website: The Trevor Project
  • The Trevor Project provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention services specifically for LGBTQ+ youth, offering help in a safe, nonjudgmental space.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)

  • Phone: 1-800-662-HELP (1-800-662-4357)
  • Website: SAMHSA Helpline
  • This is a free, confidential, 24/7 helpline for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders. SAMHSA offers referrals for treatment facilities, support groups, and more.

2. Specialized Support: Mental Health Resources for Specific Issues

For LGBTQ+ Youth:

  • PFLAG National
    • Phone: 1-202-467-8180
    • Website: PFLAG National
    • PFLAG is the first and largest organization for LGBTQ+ people, their parents, families, and allies. They offer local chapters that provide resources, support, and guidance for individuals navigating identity, especially in challenging times.

For Survivors of Sexual Abuse:

  • RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network)
    • Phone: 1-800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673)
    • Online Chat: RAINN Online Chat
    • RAINN provides confidential support for survivors of sexual violence. Whether you need to speak with a counselor or are seeking help finding resources, RAINN is a trusted resource.

3. Mental Health Support Through Therapy and Counseling

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, talking to a therapist can provide professional support. There are numerous platforms that offer therapy services online or in-person. Many providers offer sliding scale fees to make counseling more affordable.

BetterHelp

  • Website: BetterHelp
  • BetterHelp is an online therapy platform where you can connect with licensed counselors through text, video calls, or phone calls. It’s a flexible option for people who may not have access to in-person therapy.

Talkspace

  • Website: Talkspace
  • Like BetterHelp, Talkspace connects you with licensed therapists for online sessions. You can access therapy through text, voice, or video chats, giving you a private and accessible way to reach out for help.

4. YouTube Resources and Mental Health Education

Sometimes, we just need a bit of guidance or even just to hear someone else’s story. YouTube has a variety of resources that offer mental health tips, coping strategies, and motivational support. Here are some helpful channels to check out:

  • Kati Morton
    • Channel: Kati Morton
    • Kati Morton is a licensed therapist who shares videos on mental health topics, ranging from anxiety and depression to relationship struggles and self-care.
  • Psychology In Seattle
    • Channel: Psychology In Seattle
    • Dr. Kirk Honda is a licensed therapist and professor who discusses real-world mental health topics, psychological theory, and personal experiences in a relatable way.
  • The Mighty
    • Channel: The Mighty
    • The Mighty shares empowering stories and educational videos on a wide range of topics, from mental health to chronic illnesses, and offers a supportive community for individuals living with disabilities and mental health challenges.

5. Local Support Groups and Services

In addition to national services, there are often local support groups that provide in-person or online gatherings. These groups can offer safe spaces to talk about your experiences and hear from others who may be going through similar struggles.

NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness)

  • Phone: 1-800-950-NAMI (1-800-950-6264)
  • Website: NAMI
  • NAMI offers support groups, resources, and education for individuals and families affected by mental health issues. They have local chapters across the United States that provide peer-led groups.

6. Apps for Mental Health and Wellness

Sometimes, technology can offer a supportive, non-judgmental way to practice self-care and manage mental health. Here are a few apps designed to help with mental wellness:

  • Calm
    • Website: Calm
    • Calm provides guided meditation, breathing exercises, and sleep stories to help reduce stress and promote relaxation.
  • Headspace
    • Website: Headspace
    • Headspace is another app that offers mindfulness and meditation resources to help manage anxiety, stress, and mental clarity.
  • Sanvello
    • Website: Sanvello
    • Sanvello offers a range of tools, from meditation to mood tracking and therapy. It’s designed to help with stress, anxiety, and depression.

You Are Not Alone

Struggling with your mental health can be isolating, but it’s important to remember that help is available. There is no shame in reaching out, whether it’s through a crisis hotline, therapy, or community resources. You deserve support, and these resources are here to offer just that.

Whether you’re dealing with mental health challenges, identity struggles, or substance abuse, there are people who care and who can help you navigate these tough times. Don’t hesitate to reach out—healing is possible, and taking the first step is often the hardest part. You are worth it.

Forgiveness for others, for yourself

The Struggle of Forgiveness: Why Letting Go is Vital for Mental Health

Forgiveness is one of the most powerful acts of healing we can do for ourselves, but it’s also one of the hardest. Whether you’re struggling to forgive someone who has hurt you, or battling the guilt of not forgiving yourself, it can feel like an impossible task. However, forgiveness is essential for mental health, peace of mind, and moving forward in life. It’s a powerful tool that can free us from pain, resentment, and the weight of negative emotions that hold us back. But why is it so challenging, and how can we move past the struggle to heal?

Why is Forgiveness So Hard?

Forgiveness can feel like giving up your right to be angry, hurt, or upset. When someone wrongs us, the emotions can run deep. There’s often a sense of betrayal, hurt, or disappointment. It’s natural to want to hold onto these feelings, because it feels like protecting yourself. In the case of self-forgiveness, it can be even harder. How do you forgive yourself for things you regret? The shame and guilt can feel overwhelming, and it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking you don’t deserve forgiveness.

But what if we told you that holding onto these feelings is actually making things worse? Unforgiveness doesn’t hurt the person who wronged you—it hurts you. It keeps you stuck in the past and prevents you from moving forward in life. It can affect your mental health, leading to anxiety, depression, and stress. Holding onto guilt or resentment also weighs on your heart, mind, and body, making it harder to find peace and joy.

The Impact of Unforgiveness on Mental Health

The emotional and physical toll of unforgiveness is real. Studies have shown that carrying the burden of anger or regret can lead to increased stress, lower immunity, and even chronic health issues. When we hold on to unresolved emotions, they can manifest as tension, sleeplessness, headaches, and more. In the long run, harboring unforgiveness can even contribute to deeper mental health challenges, such as depression and anxiety.

Mentally, not forgiving can cause you to relive the pain over and over again. You might find yourself ruminating on past events, replaying conversations or moments in your head. This can make it difficult to move on and create new, positive memories. The past can trap you in a cycle of negative thinking, which holds you back from being present and finding joy in your life today.

Forgiving Others: A Gift to Yourself

Forgiving others doesn’t mean excusing their behavior or forgetting the hurt. It means deciding that you are no longer going to let their actions control your happiness and peace of mind. When you forgive, you are taking back your power. You’re choosing to let go of the negative emotions that have held you hostage for so long.

Forgiving others is a process—it doesn’t happen overnight. It’s okay to take small steps and allow yourself to feel angry or upset. But each time you release that anger, even in tiny moments, you’re creating space for healing. Start by acknowledging the pain, expressing your emotions in a safe space, and eventually, choosing to release that pain for your own peace.

The Importance of Self-Forgiveness

While forgiving others can be challenging, forgiving yourself is often even harder. We tend to be our own harshest critics, holding ourselves to impossibly high standards. When we make mistakes, especially ones that hurt others, the guilt can feel suffocating. We often ask, “How can I forgive myself after what I did?”

The truth is, everyone makes mistakes. We are all human. The key is to learn from those mistakes and use them as stepping stones toward growth and self-improvement. Self-forgiveness doesn’t mean absolving yourself of responsibility. It means acknowledging the mistake, accepting that you’re not perfect, and giving yourself permission to move on.

When you forgive yourself, you free yourself from the burden of guilt. This act of self-compassion is vital to mental health. It allows you to focus on the present and future instead of being stuck in the past. It helps you cultivate self-love, which in turn boosts your self-esteem and sense of well-being.

Taking Stock of Unforgiveness in Your Life

Forgiveness is an essential part of the mental health journey. It’s important to take stock of any unforgiveness in your life—whether it’s toward others or yourself. Ask yourself: Are there people or situations that I’ve been holding onto, keeping myself stuck in pain? Are there mistakes I’ve made that I need to forgive myself for? Recognizing areas of unforgiveness allows you to begin the process of healing.

Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness. It’s an act of strength, courage, and self-care. It’s about reclaiming your peace and taking control of your emotional well-being. Whether you start with forgiving someone else, or you begin with forgiving yourself, remember that it’s okay to take it one step at a time. Progress in forgiveness is progress in mental health.

Wrapping up: Healing Through Forgiveness

The struggle with forgiveness is real, but the freedom that comes from letting go is worth the effort. Forgiving others, forgiving yourself, and taking stock of any unresolved feelings can help you break free from the past and move forward with a lighter heart and mind. Remember, forgiveness is a journey, not a destination. It may take time, but every step you take toward forgiveness is a step toward healing, peace, and better mental health.

Let go of what no longer serves you, and give yourself the gift of forgiveness. Your mental health will thank you for it.

In times of chaos

Remember to Listen to Your Own Advice

Life has a way of sweeping us up in its whirlwind of chaos—whether it’s work, relationships, or the day-to-day demands that seem to grow the longer we ignore them. Last week got very chaotic for me on Wednesday afternoon at 4:04 pm. I won’t share details at the moment as it is all very raw, but I will remind myself and others that it’s ok to pause. It’s easy to forget what we know we need to do to take care of ourselves. But sometimes, in the midst of all the noise, we need a reminder. So, this is me reminding myself to slow down, take a breath, and go back to the basics—the things that help me stay grounded.

1. Stick to Your Routines
When everything feels unpredictable, routines are a stabilizing force. It’s tempting to throw them out the window when life gets hectic, but those routines are anchors. Whether it’s starting your day with a cup of coffee and a few minutes of quiet, or setting aside time for a walk or a workout, these small acts of consistency help create a sense of control, even when everything else feels out of hand. They’re not rigid rules; they’re your lifelines.

2. Eat Good Food
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of convenience, grabbing whatever is quickest or most comforting in the moment. But I know that eating well—not just grabbing food to fill the void—makes a huge difference in how I feel physically and mentally. Fresh fruits, vegetables, and balanced meals don’t just fuel the body; they fuel the mind, too. When you’re tired, stressed, or overwhelmed, it’s especially important to nourish yourself in ways that help you cope, not just survive.

3. Take Your Meds
I’ve been there—thinking that maybe I can skip a dose, or that I’ll be okay without them for a while. But the truth is, my medication is part of what helps me stay balanced, mentally and emotionally. There’s no shame in needing support, and the routine of taking meds is a tool in my toolkit for coping. I need to remember to stay consistent, to not let the chaos or distractions of life take me off course.

4. Rest
We often mistake being busy for being productive, and in doing so, we forget the importance of rest. Whether it’s taking a 20-minute power nap or simply stepping away from the hustle and bustle for a few minutes to reset, rest is essential for both body and mind. It’s not a luxury; it’s a necessity. In the chaos of daily life, I need to pause and honor my need for recovery.

5. Breathe
In the rush of the moment, we forget to breathe. Not just the shallow breaths that keep us alive, but the deep, mindful breaths that ground us. When stress builds up, my chest tightens, and my mind races. Taking a few moments to simply breathe, to center myself, helps me regain focus and calm. It’s a simple yet powerful tool to reset and remember that everything doesn’t have to be solved in one moment.

6. Reach out for help if you need it. It doesn’t matter if you haven’t been so great at keeping in touch. Call the friend. Text the family. It takes a village and honestly we get so caught up in trying to face things alone, either for shame, or whatever, we hurt ourselves more. Get the help, if its just a hand to hold or professional help, reach out.

Pause and Remember
In the chaos of life, it’s easy to forget to take care of ourselves. But I have to remind myself—especially when I’m feeling overwhelmed—that these simple routines are the things that help me cope. Taking care of my body, my mind, and my spirit is not a luxury. It’s the foundation that allows me to face the chaos with more resilience.

So, when life starts to feel like it’s spinning too fast, I’m going to pause, take a deep breath, and return to the basics. I’ll remind myself of the advice I’ve given before and continue following the steps that help me move through this life with more ease and less stress. Because at the end of the day, I can’t pour from an empty cup.