Tag: mental health

Navigating Life’s Uncharted Waters

by Mothersense, posted in This Life

A journey through grief

Life has a way of teaching us profound lessons, often through experiences we never anticipated. As a mom who has navigated the tumultuous waters of grief after losing both parents, my beloved Uncle John, former in-laws, and numerous close friends, I’ve come to understand that while the journey is deeply personal, it is also one that connects us to each other in ways we might not always recognize. Today, I want to share my story, not as a means of seeking sympathy, but to offer a beacon of hope and understanding for those who might be walking a similar path. And grief is a very personal journey and no two paths are the same, please know you are not alone.

The Weight of Loss

Losing my parents was like losing the anchors that held my world steady. They were my guiding stars, my sources of unwavering support, and the keepers of family traditions. Their absence created a void that felt insurmountable. I remember the days following their passing as a blur of grief and disbelief, a cacophony of emotions that seemed too vast for words. And still I don’t feel like words can accurately describe the first few months after we lost my Daddy and Mom.

While still grieving my Uncle John and parents who were so much a part of our daily lives; we also experienced the loss of close friends, and my former in-laws. It all seemed too much, like another wave crashing against my already fragile heart. Each person’s departure brought with it its own kind of pain—a different shade of grief, yet part of a larger tapestry of loss. These were people who had walked with me through various chapters of my life, sharing laughter, tears, and countless memories. Their absence was a reminder of the impermanence of life and the unpredictability of our journeys.

Finding Strength in Vulnerability

Grief is often portrayed as a linear process, but in reality, it’s more like a swirling dance with no clear steps. At first, I sought to shield myself from the raw pain, to put on a brave face for my children and keep life as normal as possible. But eventually, I realized that embracing my vulnerability was not a sign of weakness but a source of strength. Allowing myself to grieve openly meant accepting that my feelings were valid and that it was okay to not have all the answers.

Being honest with my children about our losses was one of the hardest yet most liberating things I did. We talked about their grandparents, uncles, and my friends in ways that honored their memories while allowing us to express our sadness. It became a shared experience, one that, while painful, also brought us closer. Through these conversations, I learned that grief does not need to be a solitary journey; it can be something that unites us.

Creating New Traditions

One of the most healing things for me has been creating new traditions that honor those I’ve lost. It started with small gestures—lighting a candle in their memory on significant dates, creating bouquets for their graves, sharing stories about them during family gatherings, and visiting places that held special significance. Over time, these traditions have evolved into a way of keeping their spirit alive, blending their memory into our everyday lives. As I have one daughter planning a wedding, she will be certain to honor her grandparents and perhaps even her honorary aunt Audra in her upcoming wedding ceremony. This is how we move on. We are forever altered by the loss, but we keep the memories in our hearts, so our loved ones are ever present.

As a family, we began to find joy in creating new memories while still cherishing the old ones. We celebrated our milestones with an appreciation for the past and a renewed hope for the future. One daughter’s graduation was especially poignant, her aunt brought a rose for each grandparent who was missing. It was a way of acknowledging that while the pain of loss is profound, it does not have to overshadow the beauty of living. We celebrated and had a party and there were smiles and laughter and it was good. 

Embracing the Journey Forward

Grief is a lifelong companion, but it doesn’t have to define us. It’s a part of my story, but it’s not the whole story. I’ve learned that healing doesn’t mean forgetting, but rather finding a new way to live with the love and memories of those who have passed. It means allowing myself to experience joy again and to continue moving forward with a heart that has been forever touched by those who are no longer here.

 I recently watched the episode of NCIS where “Ducky” passed away, and although he was old and it was his time, the loss still hurt. Director Vance shared a piece of wisdom with the team that Dr. Mallard had shared with Vance upon his wife’s death, We each die two deaths, one where our body gives out and the other when our stories stop being shared. Profound words to share with those experiencing loss. Don’t stop sharing the stories. It keeps them alive in our memories and even though their physical presence is gone, they do not have to be. 

In my journey, I’ve found solace in connecting with others who have experienced similar losses. It’s through these shared experiences that we find understanding and support. We each have our own paths, but the connections we forge with others who have walked similar roads can be profoundly comforting.

A Message of Hope

If you are navigating the challenging waters of grief, know that you are not alone. Your feelings are valid, and your journey is uniquely yours. Embrace the love and memories of those you’ve lost while allowing yourself the grace to live and find joy again. Grief may change you, but it doesn’t have to diminish your capacity to love and find happiness.

In the end, life’s greatest gift is our ability to love deeply and to be loved in return. Even in the face of loss, the bonds we create and the memories we cherish become a source of strength. As a mom who has felt the weight of grief, I hold onto this truth: that the love we share with those who have left us continues to guide and uplift us through every step of our journey.

In loving memory of so many I have lost over the years, but especially:

Sandi Rene Marbut July 1993

Ila Kilcrease July 1987

John Henry Eaves June 2019

Sharena Kay Lovett May 2020

Rufus Oran Kilcrease October 2020

Emeline Marie Kilcrease November 2020

Deborah Kay Nelson April 2023

Garry Paul Roeber May 2023

Audra Marie Talley March 2024

Marcey Elaine Riley May 2024

September – A personal Story

by Mothersense, posted in This Life

Suicide Awareness Month

Here we are smack dab in the middle of September!! Here in Texas the weather is starting to change, but we know it’s just a false fall, so we hold out for the real thing. It will be here before you know it. Today the sun shone through my blinds in my bedroom creating an effect that was ethereal. I figure it was time to post one of our stories.

Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month– who is not aware of suicide? We know it happens. We know someone who has attempted. We may even know someone who succumbed to their struggle. I am a mother of adult children who attempted suicide in adolescence. Let’s have that conversation. But, before I get too deep into this conversation, please be advised it might be triggering, or it may be healing. My child has given me permission to speak about their struggles with mental health because they want to try to get rid of the stigma. They believe we HAVE to talk about it or it gets ignored and ignoring leads to so many bad outcomes. 

I could begin with explaining that they have diagnoses as far back as the 5th grade. They struggled with social cues, bullying, mood swings, meltdowns, overstimulation and so much more. School was hard for them. Kids can be cruel and for a child that felt that everyone that smiled to their face was their friend, the reality was hard to digest. They felt betrayed, and I was Momma Bear and giving the school what for trying to protect my baby. I felt the school was not doing enough to stop the bullying so I took it to the parents. The results were mixed, from “boys will be boys” to “my child would never” I got to hear all of the excuses for these children being mean spirited and discovered that they had learned the behavior at home, from their families. That broke my heart too. These were what I believed to be good people and their children were essentially torturing my child in school and no one would do anything to stop it.

 So to save them the grief, I took a proactive approach,I pulled them from public school towards the end of 5th grade and sent them to a day program in a mental health facility. The idea was that I know being a teen is tough enough. Add in the mental health struggles they were already facing; I wanted them to have an arsenal of coping strategies to face those difficult years. It worked for a while. They were homeschooled, partly because of the struggles, partly because there were so many appointments to keep. We had to see a psychiatrist for prescriptions for anxiety and ADHD, a neurologist for the migraines and abdominal migraines, gastroenterology for GERD, the PCP for basic check ups and bloodwork. There was also cognitive behavioral therapy to work in conjunction with the medications for getting through everything from house fire trauma to basic meltdowns due to overstimulation. 

It was so much at times, and keep in mind while they were going through this there were 4 other children with their own needs that had to be met and soccer, football, band, church, 4-H, FFA, and just life in general. I didn’t sleep much while they went through all of this, typically 4 hours or so each night. I got through on caffeine and adrenaline I suppose. Looking back there is so much of it a blur for them. They don’t remember certain things with much clarity when I ask, but other things they remember with perfect clarity. I think we were both in some sort of survival mode.

And then came 2016. It all caught up to everyone. My husband at the time had given up hope on ever getting better, he refused to attend any further physical therapy. He told me that he “couldn’t afford to get better.” I lost it. I decided right then and there that my children deserved better, that I deserved better and if he wasn’t going to work on being better; he needed to leave. He left and really never looked back.

Cue returning the kids to public school. By this point they were a freshman, the older two had moved out of our home. The oldest son was in Lubbock with his girl-friend and my oldest daughter had decided to move to Kansas with her aunt. 

The struggles were almost immediate, they tried to jump from the mezzanine at the school. Police and school counselor insisted that they be placed in a mental health facility. It was hard, they were locked up away from us and the doctors switched up meds and had them in group therapy. It helped for a little while but about 6 months later, it happens again, another facility and again roughly six months after that. In September 2019, my beautiful, loving, sweet, intuitive, kind “child” (they were over 18 at this point), dissolved the psychiatric meds in a glass of water. They drank that water, behaved as though everything was normal, announced they were going to get in the shower and walked through the house. A few minutes later they are screaming “Mommy” and they are laying in the tub telling me they don’t want to die. 911 is called. While waiting for them to arrive, their sister and I attempt to at least get them out of the tub and a t-shirt and shorts on them. The paramedics secure their airway and by the time they are wheeled out on a gurney, they are completely unconscious. 4 days. 4 days sitting by their bedside while they are unconscious, while the meds work their way out of their system and medical staff ensure that medically they are stable. They survived. They went through this and came out the other side. It changed everything for us. 

We learned through their recovery from this near death experience that they didn’t really want to die. They wanted to stop suffering from mental illness. They wanted the hurting to stop. They wanted to be “normal.” They learned that normal is just a setting on a washing machine. We learned not to take 1 single second of this precious life for granted. They learned to embrace their differences and find their village of people. We became part of that village, but let go of the idea that WE were the only ones in that village. Letting go of the baggage of the past, moving forward into better things for us all. 

We learned so much in this season and we are all the better for it. Letting go is still the hard part. They had to figure some things out for themselves, and it hurt to watch. But they had to learn in their own way, in their own time. I couldn’t protect them forever as much as I would have liked to do that, it just wasn’t possible. They wasted time and energy and LOVE on the wrong people, but it made them appreciate the people who have always been there. The people who didn’t waver in their love and support. 

We survived that September and all of the months thereafter, learning as we go and learning to let go. 

Yes September is suicide awareness month, but for us it is every month. Although they have been true to their word and they have not made another attempt to end things, the struggle didn’t end. They still need support. There are still bad days, bad weeks even. We just handle them better; we use our coping skills. They take a walk, take a shower, eat a favorite meal. All of these things, these coping skills they have acquired, reminds them that they do actually enjoy being alive. They traveled to Canada; they have taken road trips with friends. They are currently travelling with their significant other, who is a kind and compassionate person. They are exploring the world around them and taking care of themselves, I never thought I would see this day!! They have learned to embrace themselves and the struggle, but not let the struggles keep them down. They got THAT from their Memaw! And Memaw would be proud!

If you are struggling or feel overwhelmed:

Crisis line 988 text or call

Crisis Text   HELLO to 741741

For teens: Text teen2teen to 839863, or call 1-877-968-8491

National Domestic Violence Hotline: Text “START” to 88788 or call 1-800-799-7233

We are what we eat…

by Mothersense, posted in This Life

The Connection Between Food and Mental Health

As a 49-year-old mother of five, I’ve spent years juggling the chaos of family life, a career, and trying to stay healthy. Over time, I’ve learned that what I put on my plate does far more than just feed my body—it feeds my mind, too. Our daily diet plays an integral role in how we feel, think, and cope with the ups and downs of life. Here’s what I’ve discovered about the relationship between the food we eat and mental health, from my perspective as a busy mom navigating life’s many demands.

The Busy Mom Diet: When Convenience Comes First

Let’s face it—when you’re raising kids, and juggling their homework and activities, meal planning often takes a back seat to convenience. I’ve been there, reaching for quick fixes like processed snacks, fast food, and sugary treats just to get through the day. But as I hit my 40s, I began to notice that not only was my energy tanking, but my mood was all over the place. I felt anxious, irritable, and, honestly, a little down more often than I’d like to admit. 

It wasn’t just the physical toll of running a household; I began to suspect that my diet was playing a big role in how I was feeling mentally. And my doctor warned me that my A1C was putting me in a borderline state. I had to take a look at what I was eating and how it made me FEEL. This was my suspicion, what I was eating was affecting my mood swings and my sugar levels.

The Science Behind Food and Mood

It turns out, I wasn’t wrong. Research shows that the food we eat has a direct impact on our mental health. A diet high in processed foods, sugar, and unhealthy fats can increase the risk of depression, anxiety, and mood swings. In contrast, a balanced diet rich in whole foods—think fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and healthy fats—provides the brain with the nutrients it needs to function optimally.

Gut Health: The Second Brain

When the girls were playing soccer, one of the soccer parents introduced me to an idea about the gut-brain connection. Did you know that your gut is sometimes called your “second brain”? The gut is home to trillions of bacteria that help regulate not only digestion but also mood. These bacteria produce neurotransmitters like serotonin, the “feel-good” chemical that plays a key role in keeping our mood stable.

When I started focusing on feeding my gut with fiber-rich foods like fruits, vegetables, and whole grains, I noticed a significant improvement in my mood. I also incorporated shots of kefir sometimes to help the gut biome. Although it wasn’t overnight, a few weeks of eating more mindfully, I felt calmer, more focused, and better equipped to handle the stress of daily life. And sometimes we still ate processed foods, but I was more mindful of the fuel we were putting in our bodies. 

Sugar and Mental Health: A Love-Hate Relationship

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from raising kids and being around kids, it is that sugar is everywhere! It is the big ugly thing that hides in so many things we eat! It’s in snacks, drinks, and even foods we wouldn’t expect, like bread and sauces. For years, I leaned on sugary treats or sugary drinks with caffeine to get that quick energy boost, especially during the long days of parenting. But what I didn’t realize was how sugar affects mental health.

Sugar may give you an instant lift, but it’s followed by a crash that can leave you feeling irritable, tired, and foggy. Over time, these fluctuations in blood sugar can contribute to symptoms of anxiety and depression. Once I started cutting back on sugar and replacing it with healthier alternatives like fruits, nuts, and even dark chocolate (yes, I still need my treats!), I felt more balanced both mentally and physically.

Omega-3s: The Brain’s Best Friend

One dietary change that helped make a difference for me was incorporating more omega-3 fatty acids into my meals and snacks. These healthy fats, found in foods like salmon, chia seeds, and walnuts, are essential for brain health. Omega-3s help reduce inflammation in the brain and have been shown to reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety.

Making simple swaps—like adding a handful of walnuts or a tablespoon of chia seeds to my morning oatmeal or cooking salmon or making a salmon salad once a week started to become routine. And honestly, I could feel the change. My mind felt clearer, and I was able to manage stress in ways I hadn’t been able to before. I do not always keep all of these ingredients on hand, but I do notice the difference when I haven’t been keeping up with watching what I eat. I feel it and then remember to add them to the grocery list. This isn’t a passing “diet” it is just making small changes to give your body the fuel it needs to operate at its best and occasionally we lapse back into the bad eating habits. When you do that just course correct and begin again, it’s not a failure, just a backslide.

The Power of Routine and Self-Care

As a busy mom, balancing everything can be a challenge. I know that self-care often falls to the bottom of the to-do list. But I’ve learned that prioritizing what I eat is one of the most important forms of self-care I can practice. It doesn’t have to be complicated or time-consuming; even small changes can have a big impact.

I now make an effort to prepare balanced meals, drink plenty of water, and include foods that nourish both my body and mind. And if I am missing something I also take a multivitamin to try to keep my body functioning at its best. Eating regularly has kept my blood sugar stable, which has been a huge game-changer for my energy and mood. No more need for the snickers in the afternoons because I was getting “hangry.” I also snack on things that are better for me than a candy bar, maybe some almonds or sunflower seeds and dried cranberries, just enough to get me to dinner. You can do what works for you and your tastes, read the labels.

Setting an Example for My Kids

The absolute best motivator for me has been setting a good example for my children. I wanted them to understand that what they eat doesn’t just affect how they look or their physical health—it affects how they feel emotionally and mentally. Encouraging them to make healthy food choices and teaching them the importance of balance and moderation has always been a “thing” in this household. Sometimes my insistence that they give me two bites of anything I cooked led to them discovering that they actually did like the weird looking stuff or the green stuff. I really did raise some of the least picky eaters. 

Final Thoughts

At 49, I’m still learning, growing, and making changes to support my health and well-being. But one thing I know for sure is that the connection between food and mental health is real. As a mother, wife, and woman juggling many roles, the food I eat has become one of the most powerful tools I have to support my mental clarity, emotional balance, and overall happiness.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or just not yourself, take a look at what’s on your plate. It might be the key to feeling better, stronger, and more mentally resilient. Trust me—if this busy mom can do it, anyone can! If you need help with ideas or recipes to help do better, let me know. I have been there, it is a journey, and you are not alone!

Love and light, y’all! 

If you or someone you know is feeling overwhelmed Crisis help line: Call or Text 988

Understanding the connection

by Mothersense, posted in This Life

The Link Between Mental Health and Physical Ailments: Understanding the Connection

In today’s fast-paced world, the connection between mental health and physical health is more important than ever. Many people are aware that mental health issues can affect how we feel emotionally and psychologically, but fewer realize that these issues can also manifest as physical ailments. Understanding this link is crucial for addressing both aspects of well-being. This blog post explores various physical ailments related to poor mental health and highlights the importance of self-care and therapy in managing these conditions.

**1. Chronic Pain**

Chronic pain is a condition that affects many people, and research has shown that it is often intertwined with mental health issues. Conditions such as fibromyalgia and chronic back pain can be exacerbated by stress, anxiety, and depression. The brain’s response to emotional pain can intensify the perception of physical pain, creating a cycle that’s difficult to break. Therapy techniques like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness practices can help manage the emotional aspects of chronic pain, while self-care strategies such as regular exercise and stress reduction can provide relief.

**2. Gastrointestinal Problems**

Stress and anxiety are known to impact gastrointestinal health. Disorders such as irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), acid reflux, and chronic constipation can be triggered or worsened by mental health issues. The gut-brain axis, the communication network linking the gut and brain, plays a significant role here. Therapy and self-care, including a balanced diet, adequate hydration, and stress management techniques, are essential in addressing these problems. Mindful eating and relaxation exercises can also improve digestive health.

**3. Sleep Disorders**

Mental health conditions like depression and anxiety often interfere with sleep, leading to disorders such as insomnia and sleep apnea. Poor sleep quality can exacerbate mental health issues, creating a vicious cycle. Self-care strategies such as maintaining a regular sleep schedule, creating a relaxing bedtime routine, and managing stress through relaxation techniques can help improve sleep. Cognitive-behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I) is also a highly effective treatment for sleep disorders.

**4. Headaches and Migraines**

Headaches and migraines are frequently linked to stress and emotional turmoil. Conditions like tension headaches and migraines can be triggered or aggravated by mental health issues. Identifying and managing stressors, practicing relaxation techniques, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle are vital for managing headache frequency and intensity. Therapies like biofeedback and CBT can also be beneficial in reducing the impact of headaches and migraines.

**5. Cardiovascular Issues**

Chronic stress and depression can negatively impact cardiovascular health, leading to conditions such as hypertension, heart disease, and arrhythmias. The body’s stress response can increase blood pressure and heart rate, contributing to cardiovascular problems. Regular physical activity, a balanced diet, and stress management techniques are crucial for maintaining heart health. Therapy can also help address underlying mental health issues that contribute to cardiovascular stress.

**6. Immune System Disorders**

Mental health issues like chronic stress and depression can weaken the immune system, making individuals more susceptible to infections and illnesses. Stress can alter immune function, leading to an increased risk of illnesses. Self-care practices such as proper nutrition, regular exercise, and sufficient sleep support immune health. Therapy can help manage stress and improve overall mental well-being, thereby supporting a stronger immune system.

**7. Skin Conditions**

Conditions like eczema, psoriasis, and acne can be aggravated by stress and emotional distress. Stress can trigger or worsen skin flare-ups, making it essential to address the underlying mental health issues. Incorporating stress-relief practices, such as meditation and mindfulness, alongside proper skincare routines, can help manage these conditions. Therapy can also assist in managing the emotional impact of chronic skin issues.

**8. Weight Fluctuations**

Mental health conditions can lead to significant changes in weight, whether through overeating or loss of appetite. Conditions like depression and anxiety can influence eating habits and metabolic processes, leading to weight gain or loss. Self-care strategies, including a balanced diet, regular physical activity, and mindful eating practices, can help stabilize weight. Therapy can support emotional well-being and address eating behaviors.

** 9. Respiratory Issues

Conditions such as asthma and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) can be exacerbated by stress and anxiety. Stress can lead to shallow breathing and increased respiratory symptoms. Managing stress through relaxation techniques, deep breathing exercises, and therapy can help improve respiratory health. Proper self-care and adherence to prescribed treatments are also essential.

**10. Musculoskeletal Problems**

Muscle tension, joint pain, and stiffness can be linked to stress and emotional strain. Conditions like temporomandibular joint disorder (TMJ) and chronic muscle pain can be aggravated by mental health issues. Incorporating regular physical activity, stretching, and relaxation techniques can help alleviate musculoskeletal symptoms. Therapy can also play a role in addressing the emotional factors contributing to physical discomfort.

**Conclusion**

The intricate relationship between mental and physical health underscores the importance of a holistic approach to well-being. Addressing mental health issues through therapy and self-care can lead to significant improvements in physical health. By recognizing and managing the connection between mental health and physical ailments, individuals can achieve a more balanced and healthier life.

If you’re experiencing physical symptoms related to mental health issues, consider seeking professional support. Combining therapy with self-care strategies can help you manage and improve both your mental and physical well-being, leading to a more fulfilling and healthier life.