Tag: worry

I’m Not the Mom I Thought I’d Be — And That’s Okay

by Mothersense, posted in Mental Health Recovery, Reclamation, This Life



When I first became a mom, I had ideas.

Not just little ones, but full pictures in my head of how life would look.

What kind of mom I would be.
What kind of home I would create.
Who my kids would grow up to become.

I did not think of it as expectations at the time.
It felt more like hope.

I wanted a doctor.
Two nurses.
A veterinarian.

I wanted stability for them.
Security.
A life that felt a little more certain than the one I had known.

And I worked hard toward that in my own way.
Raising them.
Showing up.
Trying to guide them toward what I thought would give them the best future.

But life does not follow the plans we make in our heads.

And kids are not meant to become our plans.

They are meant to become themselves.

Somewhere along the way, I had to face a quiet truth.

My kids are not who I once imagined they would be.

They are not following the paths I pictured.
They are not fitting into the neat little futures I had hoped for.

And for a moment, that felt like loss.

Not because there is anything wrong with them.
But because I had to let go of the version of their lives that existed in my mind.

That is a hard thing to admit.

As parents, we do not like to say that part out loud.

But here is what I know now.

My kids are good people.

They are strong in ways that do not show up on paper.
They are learning, growing, struggling, and figuring life out in real time.

And they still call me.

When things get hard.
When they need advice.
When they just need someone to listen.

That means something.

Maybe everything.

Because at the end of the day, that was always the goal, even if I did not realize it at the time.

Not perfection.
Not a specific career path.
Not a life that looks impressive from the outside.

But connection.

Trust.

A relationship that lasts beyond childhood.

I am not the mom I thought I would be either.

I have changed.
Life has changed me.

There are things I would do differently if I could go back.
There are things I have had to learn the hard way.

And there are moments where I have questioned myself more than I ever expected to.

But I am still here.

Still showing up.
Still loving them the best way I know how.
Still learning alongside them instead of trying to control the outcome.

And maybe that is what motherhood really is.

Not raising perfect kids.
Not following a perfect plan.

But walking beside imperfect humans as they figure out who they are.

And learning to let them.

So no, my life does not look like I thought it would.

My kids are not who I once imagined.

And I am not the mom I expected to be.

But we are real.

We are connected.

We are still choosing each other, over and over again.

And that is more than enough.

The Weight of Worry

by Mothersense, posted in This Life

Understanding the Challenges Our Children Face: A mom’s thoughts

Can we talk about the hard stuff? It’s not just the occasional worries that gnaw at us; it’s the deep, pervasive concerns that accompany the journey of parenting. As I reflect on my experiences, I can’t help but think about the realities that many parents face today. I know people who have struggled with addiction—individuals who have turned to pills and alcohol to cope with life’s pressures, whether stemming from joy or despair. I’ve witnessed young lives teetering on the edge, grappling with challenges so overwhelming that they felt as though they had no choice but to escape from this world.

Consider this: According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), nearly 70% of young adults aged 18-25 have reported using alcohol in the past month, with about 16% indicating binge drinking. Furthermore, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) found that in 2021, over 4.6 million young adults reported misusing prescription medications. These statistics remind us that our children, even when they seem resilient, are navigating a landscape fraught with peril.

As we watch our children transition from adolescence into adulthood, the reality hits hard: there comes a point when we can no longer protect them from every danger. They bear the scars of childhood scrapes and bumps, yet the fear of what lies ahead weighs heavily on our hearts.

As a mother, I often find myself plagued by doubts. Did I do enough to prepare them for the challenges of life? Will the world embrace them as they carve out their own paths? Have I equipped them with the tools to trust their instincts and steer clear of harmful situations? Will they have the courage to make sound choices, even when faced with peer pressure or societal expectations? These questions swirl in my mind, casting a shadow over the proud moments I should be savoring.

The American Psychological Association reports that around 30% of adolescents experience significant anxiety or stress related to social pressures and academic expectations. For those aged 18-25, the transition to adulthood is often riddled with anxiety about career prospects, financial independence, and relationships. As parents, we want to instill confidence and resilience, yet we must acknowledge that external factors can overwhelm even the most well-prepared young adults.

Moreover, mental health concerns are on the rise. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) states that approximately 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. experience mental illness in a given year. This means that our children, aged 14 to 30, are at a higher risk of facing issues such as depression and anxiety, which can lead to more severe consequences if not addressed.

It’s crucial to foster an open dialogue with our children, creating a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing their struggles. We need to remind them that it’s okay to seek help and that support is always available. As parents, we must strive to be the guiding light in their lives, offering them not just advice but also unconditional love and understanding.

In moments of self-doubt, I remind myself that while I may not be able to shield my children from every hardship, I can be their anchor. I can provide them with the strength to face life’s uncertainties, encouraging them to reach out when they need support. They must know they can always come to me, no matter what challenges they encounter.

Ultimately, the journey of parenting is filled with ups and downs, and while the worries may never fully dissipate, we can arm our children with the resilience to navigate the world on their own. By fostering open communication, teaching them the importance of mental health, and instilling values that promote healthy decision-making, we can help them forge paths that lead to fulfilling lives. Let’s embrace these conversations, even when they’re difficult, and commit to being present for our children as they grow into the remarkable individuals they are meant to be.