Tag: family

Oh Those teen boys…

by Mothersense, posted in Kids n such

NAVIGATING THE CHALLENGES OF PARENTING A TEEN BOY

Parenting a teenage boy can be a rollercoaster ride filled with highs and lows. As they transition from childhood to adulthood, boys face unique challenges that can impact their mental health. It’s crucial for parents to be aware of these issues and to engage in open conversations about feelings, pressures, and the digital world.

The Challenges of Parenting a Teen Boy

One moment, you might find your son excitedly sharing his dreams for the future, and the next, he could be engulfed in stress from school, friendships, and societal expectations. Teenage boys often struggle with expressing their emotions, which can lead to misunderstandings and feelings of isolation. Unfortunately, he is and isn’t the same sweet boy who wouldn’t leave the room without a hug and an “I love you.” He is that sweet little boy that you have loved and nurtured, but he isn’t because he is changing, his body is foreign to him in some ways. He doesn’t even know sometimes why he does or says things. We can chalk it up to part of growing up and make ourselves aware that parenting teen boys isn’t easy, but keeping a few things in mind we can bring forth kind, loving, and healthy young men. 

Mental Health Statistics: A Silent Crisis

While discussions around mental health have become more mainstream, there are still aspects that remain underexplored. For instance, statistics show that suicide is the second leading cause of death among boys aged 15 to 19. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), in 2021, nearly 12% of high school boys reported seriously considering suicide, with around 5% having attempted it.

Furthermore, self-harm is alarmingly prevalent among teenage boys. A 2020 study found that approximately 7% of boys had engaged in self-injurious behavior. These statistics reveal a hidden crisis that isn’t often addressed openly, especially in conversations about teenage mental health.

The Impact of Bullying

Bullying can exacerbate mental health issues among teens. The National Center for Educational Statistics (NCES) reports that about 20% of students aged 12-18 experienced bullying. Boys are often targeted for their interests, appearance, or perceived weaknesses, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and despair. Sometimes it is even within their own friend group and the boys themselves don’t even realize the harm they are causing. I don’t think any teen boy wants to see his friend in despair. 

Breaking the Silence

Despite the alarming statistics, many parents feel unprepared to discuss mental health, bullying, or the pressures their sons face. The stigma surrounding mental health often keeps families from seeking help or initiating conversations. It’s essential to break this silence, normalize discussions about emotions, and encourage boys to express their feelings without judgment. That last part is hard because many of us have been around or seen the whole alpha/beta male nonsense and hear “boys will be boys” crap that essentially excuses the crappy behavior, we cannot let that continue. Real men do cry, real men do wear pink, and real men do many things that may have once been looked at as “woman’s work.”

The Role of the Internet

In today’s digital age, the internet plays a significant role in the lives of teenagers. While it can be a source of information and connection, it also poses risks. Cyberbullying, exposure to inappropriate content, and the pressure to maintain a perfect online persona can take a toll on a teen’s mental health. Even if you cannot keep up with the ever changing digital landscape that your child is involved in, do not keep your head in the sand. Research the apps your teen is using and familiarize yourself with it enough that you can be prepared should you need to intervene.

Preparing Your Teen for the Digital World

As parents, preparing our children for the digital landscape is crucial. Here are some strategies to consider:

  1. Open Dialogue: Foster an environment where your teen feels comfortable discussing their online experiences. Ask about their favorite apps, what they enjoy, and any negative experiences they might encounter. Snapchat has had a n uptick in scammers convincing kids to send photos and then trying to blackmail them for money. Discord has its dark places as does Twitch. Be mindful of what your family is consuming. 
  2. Educate About Cyberbullying: Discuss the realities of cyberbullying and the importance of kindness online. Encourage them to speak to you or another trusted adult if they witness or experience bullying. 
  3. Set Boundaries: Establish rules for internet use that promote balance, such as time limits and appropriate content guidelines. Make sure your teen knows that just like there are terrible places in the world that they might want to avoid, there are places on the internet that should be avoided. 
  4. Model Healthy Behavior: Demonstrate positive online behavior by managing your own digital presence and discussing your experiences.
  5. Teach Critical Thinking: Help your teen develop critical thinking skills regarding online content. Encourage them to question the accuracy of information and the motives behind social media posts.
  6. Mental Health Resources: Provide information about mental health resources and support systems. Make it clear that seeking help is a strength, not a weakness.

Wrapping things up for you:

Parenting a teen boy is both rewarding and challenging. By acknowledging the complexities of their mental health and the impact of the digital world, we can foster a supportive environment. Open communication and education are key in helping our boys navigate these tumultuous years. Let’s break the silence around mental health, combat bullying, and prepare our children for a healthier relationship with themselves and the digital world. In doing so, we create a foundation of trust and resilience that can guide them through adolescence and beyond.

Out of my head: Cooking

by Mothersense, posted in Food Stuffs - Recipes, Messy Life

Getting it out of my head: Connecting while cooking

I have been working on getting my recipes out of my head and onto paper. This requires a type of skill that is somewhat foreign to me. I know what to do and how much to add by habit, by reflex even, not by measurement. How do I get the crust of my Lemon Delight just thin enough? I just do. No really, it takes patience and practice to get that little ball of dough flattened out just right to serve as the crust at the bottom of a family favorite dessert. I have to examine whether or not to use the grated frozen butter in my biscuits or if they are good enough just as drop biscuits or pat them out and cut them… Should I share that sometimes I use tarragon in my chicken broth and sometimes I don’t? Do I include it in the recipe if I don’t always use it? It is a labor of love to get my cooking and baking knowledge out of my head and onto paper. I then wondered why I enjoy cooking for people so much. Because I do love to cook and bake. I also had a student ask me once why I didn’t open a restaurant. I think I couldn’t open a restaurant because then the cooking and baking would be an obligation and maybe I wouldn’t love it so much. I don’t ever want to stop loving the cooking and baking that I do for my loved ones. I think that is the secret ingredient in all of my recipes, LOVE. I learned that too, from my Granny and my Mom, and even my Dad the few times he made friend eggs, sausage, gravy and biscuits for breakfast. I’ll get the measurements down eventually. Until then, the following are some thoughts about cooking and why we can use it to connect, especially with the weather getting colder and the holiday season upon us.

Why We Enjoy and Connect with Cooking So Much

Cooking is more than just a means to feed ourselves; it’s a rich tapestry of culture, emotion, and creativity. Whether we’re flipping pancakes on a Sunday morning, crafting a complex dinner for friends, or baking cookies on a rainy afternoon, the act of cooking resonates deeply within us. But what is it about cooking that captivates so many? Let’s explore the reasons behind our love for this age-old practice.

1. Creativity and Self-Expression

At its core, cooking is an art form. It invites us to express ourselves through the colors, flavors, and textures we combine. Each dish we create tells a story, reflecting our preferences, experiences, and even our moods. From experimenting with spices to plating a dish beautifully, cooking allows us to unleash our creativity and try something new. The kitchen becomes our canvas, and the ingredients are our paints.

2. Connection to Culture and Tradition

Food is deeply intertwined with culture and history. Recipes are often passed down through generations, carrying with them the memories and traditions of our families. Cooking traditional dishes can be a way to connect with our heritage, celebrate our roots, and share these experiences with others. This sense of connection can be profoundly comforting, reminding us of home, family gatherings, and shared celebrations.

3. Mindfulness and Presence

In a fast-paced world filled with distractions, cooking offers a chance to slow down and be present. The process of chopping vegetables, stirring a pot, or kneading dough engages our senses and demands our attention. This mindfulness can be therapeutic, providing a break from daily stresses and allowing us to focus on the moment. The rhythmic motions of cooking can create a sense of calm, turning a mundane task into a meditative practice.

4. Nourishment and Care

Cooking is an act of nourishment—not just for ourselves but for others as well. Preparing a meal can be a way to show love and care for those around us. Whether it’s a family dinner, a potluck with friends, or a meal for someone in need, cooking allows us to nurture relationships and foster connections. Sharing food is a universal gesture of hospitality and community, creating bonds that go beyond mere sustenance.

5. The Joy of Discovery

Each culinary endeavor is an opportunity for discovery. Trying out new ingredients, techniques, or cuisines can be an exciting adventure. Cooking teaches us about the world, as we explore different cultures through their food. It challenges our palates and expands our culinary horizons, encouraging us to be adventurous and embrace change. This joy of discovery keeps cooking fresh and exciting, always inviting us to learn more.

6. Sense of Accomplishment

There’s a unique satisfaction that comes from creating something from scratch. The aroma of a dish as it cooks, the beautiful presentation of a plated meal, and the smiles of those who enjoy it all contribute to a sense of accomplishment. Cooking can boost our confidence and reinforce our skills, reminding us that we have the power to create something delicious and meaningful.

7. Community and Togetherness

Cooking often brings people together. Whether we’re cooking with family, hosting a dinner party, or participating in a cooking class, the kitchen can be a gathering place. Sharing the experience of preparing a meal fosters communication, teamwork, and collaboration. These moments create lasting memories and strengthen our bonds with others.

Wrapping it up.

Cooking is a multifaceted experience that goes beyond just preparing food. It allows us to connect with ourselves, our culture, and our loved ones. Whether we’re seeking creativity, mindfulness, or a sense of accomplishment, cooking fulfills a deep human need for connection and expression. So, the next time you find yourself in the kitchen, take a moment to appreciate the joy and richness that cooking brings to your life. Embrace the process, savor the flavors, and celebrate the connections you create along the way. Happy cooking!

G is for GRIEF

by Mothersense, posted in Uncategorized

Navigating the Personal Journey of Loss

Grief is a profound, often overwhelming experience that touches all of our lives at some point. It’s a deeply personal journey that can emerge from various types of loss—whether the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or even the loss of a dream or opportunity. Understanding grief as a lifelong process rather than a linear event can help us navigate its complexities with compassion for ourselves and others.

The Nature of Grief

Grief is not just an emotion; it encompasses a range of feelings, thoughts, and reactions. It can manifest as sadness, anger, confusion, guilt, and even relief. Each person experiences grief differently, influenced by their personality, life experiences, and the nature of the loss.

A Personal Journey

One of the most critical aspects of grief is its deeply personal nature. While there are common stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—each individual traverses these stages in their own way and at their own pace. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve; there’s only your way.

  • Cultural Influences: Cultural backgrounds can shape how we express grief. Some cultures openly mourn, while others may emphasize stoicism. Understanding these differences is vital in supporting those around us.
  • Support Systems: The presence or absence of a supportive network can significantly impact the grieving process. Friends, family, and even professionals can provide comfort, yet the way we choose to engage with that support is uniquely ours.

Grief as a Lifelong Process

Many people may expect grief to resolve after a certain period, but it often lingers, evolving over time. This understanding can be liberating; it acknowledges that grief doesn’t have a strict timeline and allows for ongoing healing.

  • Anniversaries and Milestones: Significant dates, like birthdays or anniversaries, can reignite feelings of grief. This resurgence is a natural part of the process and can remind us of the love we still hold for those we’ve lost.
  • Finding New Meanings: As time passes, the way we relate to our grief may change. We may find ways to honor our loved ones, celebrate their lives, and integrate their memory into our own.

The Greater the Grief, the Greater the Love

One of the most profound truths about grief is that it reflects the depth of our love. The pain we feel is a testament to the bonds we shared. This connection is what makes the journey of grief so significant and transformative.

  • Embracing Love: Rather than shying away from grief, embracing it can be a way to honor our relationships. Acknowledge the love that underlies the sorrow; it’s this love that shapes our memories and influences who we are.
  • Creating Legacy: Finding ways to celebrate the life of the person we’ve lost can help channel our grief into something meaningful. This could be through storytelling, creating art, or participating in activities they loved.

Coping with Grief

As we navigate the personal journey of grief, it’s essential to equip ourselves with tools for coping. Here are some strategies that may help:

  1. Allow Yourself to Feel: Give yourself permission to experience all emotions that arise without judgment. Grief is not something to “get over” but something to honor.
  2. Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Whether through friends, family, or support groups, connecting with others who understand can be immensely comforting.
  3. Express Yourself: Writing, art, and other forms of expression can provide an outlet for your feelings. Journaling about your experience can help you process your emotions.
  4. Practice Self-Care: Grieving can be exhausting. Prioritize self-care through rest, nutrition, and activities that bring you joy or solace.
  5. Consider Professional Help: If grief feels overwhelming, seeking the guidance of a therapist can provide valuable support and coping strategies.

That’s not all folks:

Grief is a complex and deeply personal journey that requires patience and compassion. It is a lifelong process, interwoven with love and memory. Acknowledging that the greater the grief, the greater the love can help us embrace our experiences, honor those we’ve lost, and ultimately find a way to carry their legacy forward in our lives. Remember, you are not alone in this journey; your path is uniquely yours, and it’s okay to take the time you need to heal.

The personal part:

Keeping all of the above in mind, I have become very familiar with grief. It is a personal companion and has been with me since I was 11 years old. My only living grandparent died, my Granny, she was just the best towards me. And she impacted my life in so many ways, from “not sweeping through the middle” to “I love you a bushel and a peck,” helping me count to 100, taking rides through the countryside and everything in between. This is not to discount the losses that followed. It just compounds the grief; I still miss them and all of my other loved ones who are no longer here with me. The grief can be heavy some days. In the beginning, the initial shock, it is kind of easy. Easy, in that no one expects much from you in the beginning. You have the sympathy of everyone around you for your loss, but then it fades. You have to continue to go to work, do laundry, grocery shop, and with each of these tasks you are still very aware that the world you knew has changed forever. But the world keeps spinning even while you are in the throes of grief, life goes on, work still has to be done, bills paid. The routine soothes you a little bit, trying to keep things “normal” while you process what it is that has this grip on you. 

The holidays are always the hardest after a loss. Whether it be a birthday, anniversary or the holiday season following Halloween, they can all be hard. You can honor your loved ones and keep the same traditions, it may feel hollow at first, but there will be new meaning in them. This year I am not only facing the holidays without my parents but without 2 members of my village that always helped to pull me back from the brink when things got rough. I didn’t expect to have to traverse life and grief in losing friends that had become family. Losing the sister from another mister, my daily check in text or call, Audra could make me absolutely crazy with some of her theories but at our hearts we both enjoyed food and flavors and cultures and we raised our babies together. We made last minute poodle skirts together. She helped me expand my horizons. We valued critical thinking and doing what’s best for ourselves even if others didn’t understand. She helped me to embrace who I am. Now our youngest babies are freshmen in high school and she isn’t here to navigate this part. Some days are better than others and I think of her adult children each day. I think of her husband, left behind with a teen boy to raise without his mom. I digress. These things are all part of my daily existence. 

But in learning to let go, it is especially poignant in the fall. In the fall, trees lose their leaves, as they continue to grow. They become a shell of themselves, but we know that in the spring they sprout new leaves. I am taking a lesson from the trees this year. I am going to let go of things, it is hard work, but it is important work. I am going to let go of the past. I am going to cherish memories of loved ones and prepare myself to move forward in this new existence. I will remember each of them in different ways and on different days, but in letting go of how I thought life would be, I am freeing myself of the immense weight that grief can bear down on me. I will keep old traditions that still serve me and maybe create new ones to celebrate this new chapter of life. I didn’t plan for this journey of grief; I don’t think you can. What you can do is appreciate the time that you have and make the minutes count.

Love and light y’all, it can get dark out there. 

The Weight of Worry

by Mothersense, posted in Uncategorized

Understanding the Challenges Our Children Face: A mom’s thoughts

Can we talk about the hard stuff? It’s not just the occasional worries that gnaw at us; it’s the deep, pervasive concerns that accompany the journey of parenting. As I reflect on my experiences, I can’t help but think about the realities that many parents face today. I know people who have struggled with addiction—individuals who have turned to pills and alcohol to cope with life’s pressures, whether stemming from joy or despair. I’ve witnessed young lives teetering on the edge, grappling with challenges so overwhelming that they felt as though they had no choice but to escape from this world.

Consider this: According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), nearly 70% of young adults aged 18-25 have reported using alcohol in the past month, with about 16% indicating binge drinking. Furthermore, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) found that in 2021, over 4.6 million young adults reported misusing prescription medications. These statistics remind us that our children, even when they seem resilient, are navigating a landscape fraught with peril.

As we watch our children transition from adolescence into adulthood, the reality hits hard: there comes a point when we can no longer protect them from every danger. They bear the scars of childhood scrapes and bumps, yet the fear of what lies ahead weighs heavily on our hearts.

As a mother, I often find myself plagued by doubts. Did I do enough to prepare them for the challenges of life? Will the world embrace them as they carve out their own paths? Have I equipped them with the tools to trust their instincts and steer clear of harmful situations? Will they have the courage to make sound choices, even when faced with peer pressure or societal expectations? These questions swirl in my mind, casting a shadow over the proud moments I should be savoring.

The American Psychological Association reports that around 30% of adolescents experience significant anxiety or stress related to social pressures and academic expectations. For those aged 18-25, the transition to adulthood is often riddled with anxiety about career prospects, financial independence, and relationships. As parents, we want to instill confidence and resilience, yet we must acknowledge that external factors can overwhelm even the most well-prepared young adults.

Moreover, mental health concerns are on the rise. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) states that approximately 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. experience mental illness in a given year. This means that our children, aged 14 to 30, are at a higher risk of facing issues such as depression and anxiety, which can lead to more severe consequences if not addressed.

It’s crucial to foster an open dialogue with our children, creating a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing their struggles. We need to remind them that it’s okay to seek help and that support is always available. As parents, we must strive to be the guiding light in their lives, offering them not just advice but also unconditional love and understanding.

In moments of self-doubt, I remind myself that while I may not be able to shield my children from every hardship, I can be their anchor. I can provide them with the strength to face life’s uncertainties, encouraging them to reach out when they need support. They must know they can always come to me, no matter what challenges they encounter.

Ultimately, the journey of parenting is filled with ups and downs, and while the worries may never fully dissipate, we can arm our children with the resilience to navigate the world on their own. By fostering open communication, teaching them the importance of mental health, and instilling values that promote healthy decision-making, we can help them forge paths that lead to fulfilling lives. Let’s embrace these conversations, even when they’re difficult, and commit to being present for our children as they grow into the remarkable individuals they are meant to be.

Advocacy for children

by Mothersense, posted in Uncategorized

Debate amateur turned Warrior Mom

I wasn’t a fighter, at least not really. In high school, I could argue my point well, and sometimes I was wrong, but I didn’t seek confrontation. I wanted to fit in and be accepted; I loved people. However, becoming a mother shifted my perspective dramatically. Watching my children struggle in school opened my eyes and transformed me into a warrior for their needs. I will leave out some of the finer details in dealing with various school districts, but the first ARD meeting I had the experience of sitting in on was the catalyst for changing how I fought for my children and becoming active in making sure they were able to succeed despite their struggles.

Initially, my journey began with my oldest son and daughter, who faced challenges with speech. As I navigated the complexities of early childhood education, I quickly realized that these struggles weren’t merely developmental; they were indicators of larger issues at play. It wasn’t until my second child was diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive type) and dyslexia that I truly understood the importance of advocacy. According to the CDC, around 6.1 million children in the U.S. have been diagnosed with ADHD, while estimates suggest that about 1 in 5 students has some form of learning disability, including dyslexia. These numbers are a stark reminder of how common these challenges are, yet navigating the school system to get the necessary support can often feel like an uphill battle.

As I continued to educate myself, my third child was diagnosed with a range of issues that underscored the importance of understanding and advocacy. I learned that Autism Spectrum Disorder affects approximately 1 in 36 children in the U.S., a statistic that has prompted schools to reevaluate their support structures. With every diagnosis, I became more determined to fight for my children’s right to an equitable education.

The climate of our schools, while designed to support all students, can inadvertently create environments rife with anxiety, particularly for children with unique needs. My fourth and fifth children seemed to fare better academically, yet I couldn’t ignore the subtle signs of stress they exhibited. The pressures of fitting into a rigid system can manifest in ways that aren’t immediately obvious, making advocacy all the more crucial.

To effectively advocate for my children within the Texas school system, I learned to ask the right questions and make informed requests. The first step in securing the appropriate support is to pursue a comprehensive evaluation. Parents should request a meeting with the school’s special education team to discuss concerns and request a Full Individual Evaluation (FIE). In Texas, this evaluation should include assessments of cognitive abilities, academic achievement, and social-emotional functioning.

When advocating for supports, it’s vital to be specific. For my children, I sought accommodations like extended time on tests, individualized reading programs, and access to assistive technology. Schools in Texas are required to provide a free and appropriate public education (FAPE) to all students, and this includes tailored supports for those with disabilities. I learned to request services under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) and Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act, both of which outline the rights of students with disabilities and their need for accommodations.

In meetings, I found it helpful to present documented evidence of my children’s struggles, including report cards, assessments, and even journal entries that captured their emotional experiences. Armed with this information, I could make a compelling case for the interventions they needed.

Advocating for children with ADHD, dyslexia, and autism means not only ensuring they receive necessary accommodations but also fostering a supportive environment that recognizes their strengths. It’s about collaborating with educators, understanding the resources available, and staying informed about changes in educational policy. By becoming a proactive and informed advocate, I transformed my initial desire to fit in into a powerful mission to ensure my children—and others like them—received the education and support they deserved.

The fight for our children’s rights in the school system may not come naturally to many parents, but it is a battle worth fighting. Through collaboration, persistence, and a deep understanding of their needs, we can pave the way for our children to thrive academically and emotionally, regardless of their challenges. In the end, it’s about creating an inclusive environment where every child feels valued and capable of success.