Tag: family

Recalibrating Gratitude

by Mothersense, posted in Uncategorized


I sometimes catch myself being ungrateful.
Not in a loud, stomping-my-feet kind of way. Not in a way that would be obvious to anyone watching. But in the quiet way where I start overlooking what’s good and fixating only on what’s wrong.
The past few months have been particularly rough — financially, emotionally, physically. I still don’t have real answers about the left flank pain, though it has improved, and for that I am thankful. The heart issues? They seem to have been a fluke… or maybe a warning shot across the bow. Either way, my heart is strong, my blood pressure has normalized, and that is no small gift.
Emotionally and physically, though? It’s felt like one of those rickety carnival rides — the kind that jerks you around without warning. Up, down, sideways, spinning just fast enough to make you question your equilibrium.
And somewhere in the middle of all that, I caught myself.
Not focusing on solutions. Not leaning into my usual “everything is figure-outable” mantra. Not scanning for silver linings or mapping out next steps.
I was wallowing.
And honestly? That’s not like me at all.
I’m the one who finds the bright side. I’m the one who reframes. I’m the one who says, “Okay, this is hard — now what are we going to do about it?”
But even the strong ones get tired. Even the optimistic ones have days where the weight feels heavier than usual.
So I did what I know to do when I feel myself drifting off course.
I recalibrated.
I carved out a little time each day to be alone. To reflect. To sit with my life and my circumstances without judgment. And somewhere in that quiet, I found something steady again.
Gratitude.
Not the fluffy, hashtag kind. The grounded kind. The kind that says: I am still here.
I am still able to spend time with my mostly grown kids.
I get to hear my sweet Aubree call me “Grand-ma-ma!”
I get to feel Charlotte slip her little hand into mine and lean in for a forehead kiss.
That is not small. That is everything.
I am fortunate. I am blessed. Even on the bad days. Even when the money feels tight. Even when my body feels unpredictable. Even when I have a moment (or two) of wallowing.
Gratitude doesn’t mean pretending things aren’t hard. It means refusing to let the hard things be the only things I see.
Perspective, y’all.
If you are weary, you are not alone. If you’ve been riding your own version of a bad carnival ride, I see you. But take a moment. Look around. Find one thing — just one — that anchors you back to what’s still good.
Recalibrate.
Because bitterness is heavy. Despair is suffocating. But gratitude? Gratitude steadies the ride.
We’ve got this.
Love and light, folks.

Becoming and Unbecoming

by Mothersense, posted in Uncategorized

2026 has already been a doozy.
We welcomed January with a whole host of breaks—some expected, some not. Now we’re stepping into February, and the old groundhog has seen his shadow. Six more weeks of winter, and honestly? I’m not mad about it.
I prefer cooler temperatures. Always have. But the darkness—sometimes that gets to me. Not in a seasonal depression kind of way, more like a please give me a little more daylight so I can get things done kind of way. Still, this in-between season matters. Transition always does.
Maybe that’s why this time feels so significant—because I am transitioning too.
I’m becoming a better version of myself. A more complete self. One who is no longer trying to mask big feelings or tuck disappointments neatly out of sight for the comfort of others. I am becoming more. And if I’m too loud, too much, too intense for some people—as Elyse Myers so perfectly put it—“Go find less.”
I will happily apologize for past wrongs, for mistakes I’ve made, for moments where I fell short. But I will not apologize for being myself. If that means some people fall away, I will let them. I’ll grieve a little—because loss is still loss—but I also understand now that not everyone is meant to go where I’m headed.
This season is about becoming and unbecoming.
Letting go of what no longer fits.
Shedding versions of myself that were built for survival, not peace.
I will always fiercely defend my children and my chosen family. That part of me is immovable. But I am no longer clinging to blood ties simply because they exist. Those ties have been complicated—heavy—and loyalty owed solely to blood has caused me deep harm. I’m untangling that now. I’m lowering my expectations of people who have shown me, repeatedly, who they are.
And here’s the quiet power in that:
What I’m building next—what’s coming for me—cannot be touched or taken. It will be mine. And it will become a legacy for the family I created, not the one I was born into.
Winter can linger a little longer.
So can this becoming.
I’m not rushing it.

The Realities of Family Bonds

by Mothersense, posted in Uncategorized

Family Is Complicated

My husband recently asked me to write a blog post about him—more specifically, about the very different families we came from. The conversation that sparked it was lighthearted at first, one of those “what if” discussions that start as fun and end up revealing something much deeper.

We were talking about winning the lottery. A huge sum. Life-changing money. And the question was simple: Who would we invite to ride with us on a party bus to go collect our winnings?

On the surface, the answer seems obvious—siblings, their spouses, our kids. The people closest to us. But then the real question emerged:
Who would be there simply to be happy for us… and who would be there because they think they might get something out of it?

That’s where the differences between our families became impossible to ignore.

My husband is one of five siblings, just like me. His family relationships are… complicated. His youngest sister is someone I never want to share oxygen with again—ever. That bridge isn’t just burned; it’s gone. His older sister and her husband, though, are genuinely good humans. Even when we don’t agree, I love them. They are kind, decent people.

His two brothers are also good people—but I don’t think they’d appreciate the invitation, nor would they accept it under the simple premise of come and celebrate with us. That kind of uncomplicated joy isn’t really how things work in his family.

My family, on the other hand? They’d be there—all of them.

All of my kids and their significant others.Nephews, nieces. My older sister, my brother, my two other sisters, and their spouses. Not because they expect anything, but because that’s how my family has always been. Through good times and bad, joy and grief, stability and chaos—they’ve shown up. Emotionally. Financially. In the best ways they can and know how.

And I’ll admit—I take that for granted sometimes.

Moments like this remind me that not everyone grows up with that kind of family. Not everyone has people who love them even when they aren’t very lovable. Not everyone has a safe place to land.

My husband’s family is very different. Relationships are strained. There’s a lot of water under the bridge, and I don’t think anyone really knows how to fix it—or if they even want to. For me, at least where the youngest sister is concerned, reconciliation isn’t on the table.

What hurts the most for my husband isn’t just angry words or apologies that went nowhere. It’s what he sees as deliberate exclusion—certain children left out by their own parents, “family” events that don’t include all of the family.

The last time everyone was invited to something was his dad’s 70th birthday. He’s 76 now.

Something changed. No one will explain why. And it hurts.

He’s asked his older siblings. He’s tried to understand. He’s no longer speaking to his parents. And while time has passed, the wound hasn’t healed.

I remember one particularly difficult season. He called his mother, needing to talk, needing comfort. She said, “I don’t want to hear it.”
I heard it. From her own mouth.
And it broke my heart.

That was four years ago. Things aren’t much better now.

Family is complicated. It’s messy. But it should be the place you go when things fall apart. It should be the place where you can ask for help, an ear, a shoulder. For my husband, it hasn’t been that.

I am one of five.
My husband is one of five.
We came together nearly ten years ago—baggage and all.

I am deeply grateful for the family I came from. I love them. I’m proud of them. I’m grateful for the family I’ve created too—five humans I gave birth to and two I claim as my own. They are good, decent people, and I know they will look out for one another long after I’m gone.

My husband, even after all this time—after being welcomed and accepted into my family long ago—still struggles with the contrast. Sometimes he’s in awe of the relationships I have with my siblings. Sometimes, I think he’s a little envious.

And honestly? I get it.

Because while he didn’t come from that kind of family, he does have one now. They love him. They root for him. They pray for him. And that matters—even if it doesn’t erase the damage from where he came from.

So if we ever win the lottery?

T and T can ride the party bus with us. All of my family can ride along too, fly my girls and their guys in to make the trip with us, maybe include Curtis and Shelly and just roll out and have fun together. 

The rest can hear about it after the fact and wonder why they didn’t get an invite.

Family is complicated.

Love and Light. Hang tight.

The Becoming : Pride in the midst of chaos

by Mothersense, posted in Uncategorized

Both Things Can Be True

This past week felt like a culmination of so many moments for my niece.

She is my older sister’s only child, and she is truly a gem of a human—kind, smart, hardworking, and quick with a perfectly timed sassy comeback when the moment calls for it. It’s her senior year, and with that comes all the lasts of high school, not just for her, but for her mom too. Anyone who has parented a senior knows those endings hit in unexpected ways.

My niece is a 4-H and FFA gal, a band kid, and a Girl Scout. Through these programs she has learned responsibility, leadership, grit, creativity, and how to show up even when things are hard. I am so incredibly proud of her accomplishments. At her last county show, she earned Reserve Champion with pickled beets (yes—pickled beets!), and her market broilers made the sale. Those are not small wins. They are the result of years of early mornings, late nights, dirty boots, careful planning, and persistence.

Another “last” arrived quietly when I had the chance to talk with my sister about what comes next for her baby—her everything. And make no mistake, this kid has options. Several schools have already accepted her, and some came with scholarship packages. That is huge. That is exciting. That is the payoff for all those years of busyness and commitment.

It sent me straight back in time to my own years as a mom with kids who showed. The careful choosing of recipes. The guarding of certain ones like state secrets (banana butter, I’m looking at you). The pride of watching your kids take ownership of their work. Even my two older daughters—without any guidance from me—entered items and won prizes. There is something deeply satisfying about watching your children surprise you with who they are becoming.

All of that nostalgia, love, and pride has been swirling around me this week… while my own life looks a bit like a shit show.

Our water heater quit and is limping along on a temporary fix after days without hot water. I’m dealing with a kidney infection and a pharmacy run that couldn’t come soon enough. Our car is broken down and has a flat tire. My husband had a job lined up, attended orientation, only to be told days later that the position had already been filled. And just to round things out, I sliced my fingers open trying to pry a tin can (yes, I absolutely should know better), which earned me an ER visit, a tetanus shot, glued fingers, a wrapped thumb, and the loss of a good portion of my thumb pad. Goodbye thumbprint.

And yet—both things can be true.

I can feel immense love and pride for my niece and her accomplishments while my own world feels messy, loud, painful, and frustrating. I won’t fall into woe is me. This is my life. It is complicated and exhausting and sometimes downright ridiculous. There are days I want to strangle someone (figuratively… mostly). But then there are days when I glance in the rearview mirror and realize how far I’ve come.

I’ve survived every single thing I thought would break me.
That survival rate? 100%.

Am I the same person I once was? Absolutely not. But isn’t that the point? Life is about the becoming. About collecting skills, wisdom, scars, and stories. About learning how to stand back up. About making the world a little better where we can—just like my lovely niece is already doing.

And yes, you’d better believe I can still recite the 4-H pledge, parts of the FFA Creed, and the Girl Scout Promise.

Here’s to the becoming in 2026.
Love and light, y’all 🕯️

Christmas Togetherness: Embracing Love and Laughter

by Mothersense, posted in Uncategorized

Christmas This Year

This Christmas season started off a bit heavy for me. I’ll be honest — I was sad for quite a bit, pretty much right up until our family’s Christmas Eve celebration.

That night, I sat at the end of the kitchen table and turned my head toward the living room as the littles opened their gifts. The sound that filled the house — the giggles, the pure laughter of children — there truly isn’t a better sound in the world. I teared up for a moment because that right there is exactly why I came.

I thought to myself, Mom and Daddy would be proud. They must be smiling down on us, because this—this togetherness, this joy—is all they ever wanted for us: to be together, to be present in each other’s lives, and to genuinely enjoy it.

Once the kids finished opening their gifts, it was the adults’ turn to shine as we mingled and prepared for our “Chinese Christmas” gift exchange. It was a blast — there were surprises, steals, laughter, and that wonderful mix of chaos and cheer that only family can create.

Then my sisters introduced a new game — one where you pass a gift left or right as a silly story is told, customized with everyone’s names. Each player put in a dollar, and a “Golden Ticket” prize would go to the winner, collecting the cash from everyone’s entry. It was silly and fun and full of laughter, just the way it should be.

My youngest got a few really thoughtful gifts this year, and at one point, he realized he only has two more years left of being “one of the kids.” That hit me — it made me pause and reflect. I have seven kids I call my own: five I gave birth to and two girls I’ve loved like my own for years. Four of them now have incredible partners — kind, caring, compassionate individuals who truly see who my children are and love them, flaws and all.

Even with a few behind-the-scenes hiccups (let’s just say there was a grocery order debacle, a brief moment of running out of gas, and yes, my husband losing his job), it was still a blessed Christmas.

Because at the end of the day, being surrounded by love, laughter, and the people who matter most — that’s what Christmas is all about.