Finding Calm When Feeling Stuck

by Mothersense, posted in This Life

What can you do when you feel helpless? Maybe your job search is dragging out and you feel like it’s never-ending, maybe your kid is sick and you don’t have answers to why, maybe things are rough in a friendship, family, or marriage and you have done every possible thing you know to do….what can you do next? What will be helpful?

It can be hard to feel helpless. To have to be still and wait for answers or just waiting at all can take so much energy. When things feel out of your control, and you’ve already tried everything you can think of, it’s easy to feel stuck, like there’s no next step. But there are ways to move forward, even if they’re small steps.

I do want to say I think it’s key to acknowledge that it’s okay to not have all the answers or to feel like you’ve reached a limit. Feeling helpless is a very human experience, and being kind to yourself during that time is huge. When you’re in a tough spot, here are some things that might help:

  1. Take a Break and Breathe: Sometimes, when we’re so deep in the weeds of a difficult situation, we forget to step back and take a breather. It doesn’t mean ignoring the issue, but giving yourself a moment of mental clarity to recharge. Simple practices like deep breathing, meditation, or even taking a walk can reset your nervous system and give you a fresh perspective.
  2. Talk to Someone You Trust: Whether it’s a friend, family member, or a therapist, sharing how you’re feeling can be a huge relief. Sometimes just verbalizing the weight of everything you’re carrying can make it feel lighter. You don’t need someone to have all the answers – you just need someone who will listen. And sometimes maybe you just talk to yourself. Yup. I said it, talk to yourself, sometimes saying things out loud helps you to feel better about the in between, the waiting, the PAUSE if you will. 
  3. Let Go of What’s Beyond Your Control: It’s difficult, but part of feeling helpless comes from trying to control everything. If you’ve done everything you can and you’re still not seeing results, sometimes the best thing you can do is surrender a bit. Trust that things will work out in their own time. It’s not giving up – it’s giving yourself permission to stop shouldering the weight of things you can’t fix right now.
  4. Focus on Small Wins: If the big picture feels overwhelming, try to break things down into smaller, more manageable pieces. Is there one small action you can take today to improve your situation, even just a little? Maybe that’s applying for one more job, researching new treatment options for your child, or reaching out to a friend to have a real conversation about what’s going on.
  5. Seek New Resources or Perspectives: Sometimes we can feel stuck because we’re too close to a problem, or we’ve exhausted the usual ways of looking at it. Maybe it’s time to seek out a new perspective – whether that’s reading a book on personal growth, talking to a mentor, or exploring new treatment options or support groups for your situation.
  6. Practice Patience and Self-Compassion: Growth or healing isn’t always linear. Sometimes things get worse before they get better, and that’s hard to deal with when you’re in the middle of it. Being gentle with yourself during these moments and remembering that things won’t always feel like this can help maintain hope.

All is not lost

by Mothersense, posted in This Life

Getting Back on Track: Embrace the Challenge and Reboot with Confidence

We’ve all been there. You set out with the best of intentions—whether it’s landing that dream job, sticking to a workout routine, eating healthier, or forming any positive habit—but somehow, life happens, and we get off track. It’s easy to feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or even defeated when we stray from our goals. But here’s the thing: we’re never too old to reboot, and it’s never too late to pick ourselves back up and keep moving forward.

1. Acknowledge the Setback, But Don’t Dwell on It

The first step in getting back on track is simply acknowledging that you’ve fallen off course. Whether it’s a job search that’s been stalled, a fitness routine that’s been abandoned, or a healthy eating plan that’s been pushed to the back burner, it’s important to be kind to yourself. Life is full of setbacks and distractions, and that’s normal. We’re all human, after all. It is important to remember that even if you WERE a robot, they require maintenance too, and so will you. So be gentle with yourself, dear reader.

Instead of focusing on guilt or disappointment, treat this moment as an opportunity to reassess, reflect, and restart. Acknowledge where you are, but don’t get stuck there.

2. Break It Down Into Smaller, Manageable Steps

Once you’ve given yourself grace, the next step is to make your goal feel more achievable. Trying to dive straight back into a long-term objective can be overwhelming. Whether you’re resuming your job hunt, picking up weights at the gym again, or preparing a healthy meal, start small.

  • If you’re searching for a job, instead of feeling the pressure to apply for dozens of positions in a single day, aim for one or two quality applications each day.
  • For fitness, instead of committing to an hour-long workout, start with a short 15-minute routine that’s manageable and builds momentum.
  • When it comes to healthy eating, focus on one meal at a time rather than trying to overhaul your entire diet in one go.

By breaking your goals down, you not only make them more achievable but also start gaining momentum and confidence.

3. Face Challenges, Face Rejection, and Keep Going

One of the most difficult aspects of any journey is facing setbacks, whether it’s rejection during a job search, missed workouts, or slipping back into old eating habits. Rejection and failure can be painful, but they are also powerful teachers. They show us where we can improve and where we can pivot.

Don’t let a rejection define you—whether from an employer or a failure in sticking to a habit. Use it as fuel for growth. Each time you face a challenge, you build resilience and strength. When the going gets tough, that’s when the true growth happens.

4. Keep Your Eyes on Progress, Not Perfection

As you reboot, remember that perfection isn’t the goal. The goal is progress. Whether it’s landing your next job, regaining your fitness, or simply eating more balanced meals, progress, no matter how small, is worth celebrating. Be proud of each step forward. And if you slip up, don’t give up altogether. Success isn’t linear, and growth comes with its ups and downs.

Sometimes, even a tiny change in perspective can make a world of difference. Instead of focusing on the times you’ve missed the mark, focus on how far you’ve come since you started. Each day is an opportunity to take one more step closer to your goals.

5. Embrace Lifelong Growth

One of the most empowering truths we can adopt is that we’re never too old to learn, to evolve, or to start something new. Whether you’re venturing into a new career path, challenging yourself with a new workout, or discovering healthier ways to nourish your body, there’s always room for growth.

Being open to new experiences, learning from challenges, and continuing to improve—no matter our age or where we are in life—creates a richer, more fulfilling life.

In Conclusion: Keep Rebooting, Keep Moving

No matter where you are in your journey, remember this: setbacks don’t define your success. Rebooting doesn’t mean you’ve failed; it means you’re still on your way. Challenges, rejections, and obstacles are all part of the process, and they don’t stop us from growing. The most important thing is to keep going, to keep learning, and to keep striving to be better than you were yesterday.

So if you’ve fallen off track, it’s okay. You’re not alone, and you have the power to restart. Take that first step today—because progress begins with one small action.

Just a bad day, not a bad life

by Mothersense, posted in This Life

When the Universe Feels Like It’s Conspiring Against You: How to Cope on Bad Days

We’ve all been there—one day, you’re on top of the world, ticking off tasks like a productivity machine, and the next day, it feels like the universe is suddenly conspiring against you. Nothing goes right, every little thing seems like a mountain, and you wonder how you’re supposed to keep moving forward. The thing is, bad days don’t mean a bad life. It’s easy to get stuck in that moment, but when the walls feel like they’re closing in, there are ways to navigate the storm.

Let’s go over a few simple but powerful ways to cope with those tough days, and remember, this too shall pass.

1. Breathe, Seriously. Breathe

When stress starts to mount and the weight of the world feels heavy on your shoulders, it’s natural to tighten up, hold your breath, or start breathing shallowly. But guess what? Breathing is a simple tool that’s always available to you, and it works wonders for resetting your mind and body.

Try this: Close your eyes, and take a deep breath in through your nose for a count of four, hold it for a count of four, then slowly release it through your mouth for a count of six. Do this for a few minutes. This simple breathing technique can help lower your heart rate, reduce anxiety, and give you a mental reset, allowing you to move forward with a clearer mind.

2. Be Gentle with Yourself

We often put so much pressure on ourselves to perform perfectly every single day, and when we don’t, it can feel like a personal failure. But here’s the thing: You are allowed to have bad days. Everyone has them. They don’t define you. Be gentle with yourself. Recognize that you’re doing the best you can in the moment, and sometimes, the most productive thing you can do is show yourself compassion.

If things aren’t going well, take a step back and say to yourself, “It’s okay to not be okay right now.” Give yourself permission to rest and take a break. Perfection is not the goal; progress is.

3. Take a Short Walk

If you’ve been sitting in one place for too long or your thoughts are racing, sometimes the best remedy is to get up and move. Even just a short walk outside—whether it’s around the block or in your backyard—can shift your energy. Nature has a grounding effect, and the rhythm of walking can help clear your mind and release pent-up tension.

If you’re stuck indoors, consider walking around your home or office for a few minutes. A change of scenery and some movement can be a small but effective way to reset your mind and shift your perspective.

4. Stretch It Out

Stress can manifest physically in our bodies. Tight shoulders, clenched jaws, and stiff necks are just a few signs that tension has taken root. A few simple stretches can help release some of that physical stress. Try doing some gentle neck rolls, shoulder shrugs, or standing stretches. If you’re able to, a quick yoga session can work wonders, focusing on stretches that open up your chest and relieve back tension.

The key here is to listen to your body—don’t push yourself too hard, but give yourself the space to release what’s no longer serving you.

5. Take a Mental Break

Sometimes, the most helpful thing you can do on a bad day is simply step away from the stressor, even if only for a few minutes. If you’re bogged down by work or a difficult situation, give yourself permission to take a mental break. Whether that’s stepping outside for fresh air, grabbing a cup of tea, or listening to some calming music, the break can help reset your mental state.

Remember, your productivity will often be much higher when you allow yourself to step away from the stress momentarily, rather than pushing through and exhausting yourself.

6. Reach Out for Support

Bad days don’t have to be faced alone. Sometimes, just talking to a friend, family member, or colleague can help alleviate the burden of a tough situation. Don’t hesitate to reach out when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Whether it’s venting or getting advice, a supportive conversation can bring a fresh perspective and remind you that you’re not in this alone.

7. Focus on What You Can Control

When everything feels out of your hands, it can be helpful to focus on the things you can control. Is there something small you can do right now that will help you feel more grounded or accomplished? Sometimes, taking just one step forward—whether it’s organizing your desk, finishing one small task, or even just drinking a glass of water—can give you a sense of agency and start to lift your mood.

8. End the Day with Gratitude

No matter how challenging the day has been, there’s always something to be grateful for. Before you go to bed, take a moment to reflect on what went well, however small it may be. Maybe you handled a difficult conversation, or you took the time to rest when you needed it. Remind yourself that even bad days are full of lessons and opportunities for growth.

Wrapping Up: Bad Day, Not a Bad Life

When it feels like the universe is working against you, take a deep breath, show yourself some compassion, and give yourself the gift of rest and perspective. Every day, no matter how hard, is a step forward. Bad days are just that—days—and they will pass. With small tools like breathing, stretching, walking, and focusing on what you can control, you can manage the stress and come out on the other side stronger.

Remember, this too shall pass. And on the days when it feels like you’re overwhelmed, remind yourself that a bad day does not define you. You’ve got this!

Starting the year right

by Mothersense, posted in Mental Health Recovery, Reclamation

Start the Year Right: A Financial Check-Up and Planning for the Unexpected

As January is flying by, it’s a great time to hit the refresh button on many aspects of your life—your finances included. While it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of New Year’s resolutions and personal goals, one of the most important things you can do at the start of the year is ensure that your financial and legal documents are in order. Doing a financial check-up and reviewing critical documents may not be the most thrilling task, but it can save your family from unnecessary stress and confusion should something happen to you or your spouse.

1. Perform a Financial Check-Up

Start by reviewing your financial situation:

  • Review your budget and spending habits: Are you living within your means? Have your financial goals changed? It’s important to adjust your budget to reflect your current priorities, whether that’s saving for a major purchase, paying off debt, or investing in retirement.
  • Check your credit report: Get a copy of your credit report to ensure there are no errors or signs of identity theft. Correcting mistakes early can save you a lot of headaches down the line.
  • Evaluate your emergency savings: Ideally, you should have 3-6 months of living expenses saved up in case of unexpected emergencies. If this isn’t the case, make it a priority this year to build or replenish your emergency fund.
  • Revisit retirement and investment accounts: Check in on the performance of your retirement accounts and investment portfolios. Make sure your contributions align with your goals and, if necessary, adjust your asset allocation based on your risk tolerance and time horizon.

2. Update Your Will and Trust

Many people put off creating a will or updating it because it can feel morbid or overwhelming. However, it’s a crucial step in ensuring your assets are distributed according to your wishes and that your family members are taken care of. If your circumstances have changed—perhaps you’ve acquired new assets, had a child, or experienced a life event like a marriage or divorce—be sure to revise your will to reflect these changes. You may also want to consider setting up a trust to avoid probate and streamline the transfer of assets.

3. Review Beneficiaries for Insurance and Bank Accounts

It’s not uncommon for people to forget to update their beneficiary designations on life insurance policies, retirement accounts (like 401(k)s or IRAs), and even bank accounts. If you’ve had any life changes—such as a marriage, divorce, or the birth of a child—this should be a top priority. Ensure that the beneficiaries listed reflect your current wishes and that your loved ones will be taken care of in the event of your death.

4. Set Up Power of Attorney

A Power of Attorney (POA) is a legal document that designates someone to make financial decisions on your behalf if you’re unable to do so yourself due to illness, injury, or incapacitation. Having a trusted person in place who can handle financial matters for you is essential to ensure your financial obligations are met during a difficult time. You can also set up a Healthcare Power of Attorney to appoint someone to make medical decisions on your behalf if you’re unable to communicate those decisions yourself.

5. Create Advance Directives

An advance directive (also known as a living will) outlines your preferences for medical care should you be in a position where you cannot express your wishes. This can include instructions for life-sustaining treatment, organ donation, and other aspects of end-of-life care. Many people shy away from thinking about these situations, but having clear, legally recognized instructions can relieve your loved ones of difficult decisions during emotionally charged times. Make sure your advance directives are signed, dated, and stored in a place where your family can easily access them.

6. Organize Your Documents and Make Things Easy for Your Family

Beyond the legal documents and financial accounts, consider organizing important information for your family. Create a document or folder where you record all necessary details about your accounts, passwords, insurance policies, and any other key information that your family members may need in the event of an emergency or your passing. Include things like:

  • Where you keep physical documents
  • Account numbers, login details, and passwords (using a password manager is a secure option)
  • Insurance policies, including life, home, auto, and health
  • Contact information for professionals (lawyers, accountants, financial advisors)

While it might seem like a lot of work upfront, taking the time to get your affairs in order now can provide peace of mind for both you and your loved ones.

7. Talk to Your Family About Your Wishes

Beyond the paperwork, it’s crucial to have an open and honest conversation with your family about your wishes. This includes discussing things like your preferences for healthcare, your end-of-life care decisions (such as a Do Not Resuscitate or DNR order), and what you want to happen with your possessions. While it may feel uncomfortable, leaving these things unspoken can lead to confusion, stress, and even family conflict when emotions run high.

The Importance of Doing the Work

It may seem daunting to go through this process, but it’s far better to address these matters now than leave your family to guess your intentions. If you were to fall ill or unexpectedly pass away, having these legal and financial arrangements in place would ensure that your family isn’t left scrambling, unsure of your wishes, or dealing with unnecessary administrative headaches. It’s not about being morbid—it’s about being proactive and ensuring that your loved ones have clarity and peace of mind when they need it most.

This year, make it a priority to set aside time for your financial and legal check-up. You’ll feel better knowing that you’ve taken steps to protect your family and their future.

Anxiety vs Panic Attack

by Mothersense, posted in This Life

Good Monday to you!! Whew!! The days of 2025 have been flying by, January is nearly half-way over. Thirteen days into a new year and I have experienced several anxiety attacks and 2 panic attacks. You may ask me: “Aren’t they the same thing?” I would have to answer you and tell you: “Absolutely not!” 

Anxiety and panic attacks can feel overwhelming and terrifying, often hitting without warning. Whether you’re dealing with a long-standing anxiety disorder or just experiencing the occasional panic episode, or if you are a lucky duck like me, you get both, learning how to manage these attacks effectively can significantly improve your mental and emotional well-being. In this post, we’ll explore ways to cope during a panic or anxiety attack, as well as strategies for dealing with the aftereffects, often referred to as the “hangover” feeling, which can leave you feeling drained, disoriented, or emotionally worn out.

Understanding Anxiety and Panic Attacks

Anxiety attacks and panic attacks are related but distinct experiences. Anxiety attacks are usually tied to heightened worry and tension over a specific situation or set of circumstances. These attacks may build up over time and can manifest in physical symptoms like increased heart rate, muscle tension, dizziness, or irritability.

On the other hand, panic attacks occur suddenly and typically come without any clear trigger. They are often intense and overwhelming, causing shortness of breath, chest pain, rapid heartbeat, sweating, chills, and feelings of impending doom. A panic attack might make you feel as though you’re losing control or even having a heart attack, though they are not life-threatening.

While panic attacks can be deeply distressing in the moment, both types of attacks can leave emotional and physical aftereffects once they subside. This period of time, often described as a “hangover,” can make it feel even harder to cope with daily life. But with the right tools and techniques, it’s possible to better manage these episodes and reduce their impact on your day-to-day life. It may take some time and practice to experience fewer episodes, and it may even require medication, but it can be managed.

Coping Strategies During an Anxiety or Panic Attack

  1. Grounding Techniques: Grounding is one of the most effective strategies to bring your focus back to the present moment. One popular method is the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, where you engage your senses to distract your mind:
    • 5 things you can see
    • 4 things you can touch
    • 3 things you can hear
    • 2 things you can smell
    • 1 thing you can taste
  2. This method helps break the cycle of anxious thinking and can provide a sense of control during an attack.
  3. Deep Breathing: During an anxiety or panic attack, your breathing tends to become shallow or erratic. Focusing on slow, deep breaths can help calm your nervous system. Try breathing in for a count of four, holding for a count of four, and exhaling for a count of four. Repeat this process several times until you begin to feel more centered.
  4. Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR): PMR involves tensing and then relaxing different muscle groups in your body, starting from your toes and working up to your head. This technique helps to release the physical tension that often accompanies anxiety and panic attacks and can promote a sense of calm.
  5. Mindfulness and Self-Talk: Anxiety and panic attacks can fuel irrational thoughts. Challenge these thoughts by reminding yourself that the attack, although uncomfortable, is not life-threatening. Reassure yourself with affirmations such as, “This will pass,” or “I am safe.” Mindfulness techniques, such as focusing on your breath or engaging in a simple task, can also help to pull you out of the fight-or-flight response.
  6. Finding a Safe Space: If possible, remove yourself from the situation that is triggering the attack. Find a quiet, calm space where you can regain control of your breathing and thoughts. This may help prevent the attack from intensifying.

Managing the “Hangover” After an Anxiety or Panic Attack

After the intensity of an anxiety or panic attack subsides, many people experience lingering effects. The “hangover” of an anxiety or panic attack can include feelings of exhaustion, irritability, brain fog, and heightened sensitivity. Here are some strategies to help you manage this period:

  1. Rest and Recover: Panic and anxiety attacks can be physically and emotionally draining. Allow yourself time to rest, hydrate, and eat well to replenish your energy. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you need to take it easy for a while after an episode.
  2. Gentle Movement: While rest is important, gentle movement like stretching or a short walk can help release the remaining tension in your body. It can also boost your mood by increasing the production of endorphins, which promote feelings of well-being.
  3. Journal Your Experience: After an attack, journaling can be a helpful way to process your emotions. Write down what happened, how you felt, and any triggers that may have contributed to the episode. Reflecting on these experiences can give you insight into your anxiety and help you identify patterns, which may be useful for future coping strategies.
  4. Self-Compassion: It’s easy to fall into negative self-talk after an anxiety or panic attack, especially if you feel like you’ve lost control. Be kind to yourself and recognize that anxiety is a condition that many people experience. Acknowledge your efforts in managing the situation and give yourself credit for coping in a difficult moment.
  5. Talk to a Professional: If the hangover effects persist or interfere with your daily life, it may be helpful to speak with a therapist or counselor. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and other therapeutic approaches are effective tools for managing anxiety and preventing future panic attacks. Additionally, if you’re not already under the care of a mental health professional, they can help you create a treatment plan tailored to your needs.

Long-Term Strategies for Managing Anxiety and Panic Attacks

While coping during an anxiety or panic attack is essential, it’s also important to develop long-term strategies for managing your overall anxiety. These may include:

  • Regular Exercise: Physical activity can help reduce overall anxiety by releasing tension, improving mood, and promoting better sleep.
  • Meditation and Mindfulness: Incorporating daily mindfulness practices can help train your mind to stay calm and present, making you less likely to be overwhelmed by anxiety.
  • Adequate Sleep: Lack of sleep can heighten anxiety. Prioritize sleep hygiene and aim for a consistent sleep schedule.
  • Healthy Lifestyle Choices: Balanced nutrition, hydration, and reducing caffeine and alcohol intake can all play a role in managing anxiety.
  • Support System: Talking with friends, family, or support groups can make you feel less isolated and more connected.

Final Thoughts

Anxiety and panic attacks can be difficult to navigate, but with practice, you can learn to manage and cope with them more effectively. By using grounding techniques, deep breathing, and other coping mechanisms, you can reduce the intensity of these attacks and feel more in control when they occur. Additionally, learning to manage the emotional and physical aftereffects—what some call the “hangover”—will help you recover and move forward more quickly.

Above all, be gentle with yourself. It’s okay to have moments where things feel out of control. What matters most is how you respond and the strategies you develop to take care of yourself in the aftermath. With time, patience, and the right tools, you can reduce the impact of anxiety and panic attacks on your life and regain a sense of peace and stability