Category: Messy Life

Simple Steps to Cope When Life Becomes a Disaster

by Mothersense, posted in Messy Life, Uncategorized

When Your Life Is a Shitstorm: How to Pull Yourself Back from the Edge

You’re doomscrolling again. Your thumb moves, the screen refreshes, and more bad news floods in. It’s easier than thinking about your own life because, let’s face it, your life is a mess right now. Maybe it’s a slow, painful unraveling, or maybe everything collapsed at once. Either way, you’re here, trying to escape into the abyss of the internet, trying to feel something or nothing or anything other than what you are feeling right now.

First things first: Stop.

Not everything. Not forever. Just pause for a moment. Put the phone down, even if it’s just for a few seconds. You don’t have to fix everything right now. You don’t even have to do anything right now. But you do have to breathe. Not the automatic, shallow breathing that keeps you technically alive, but the kind where you take control of your own body again.

Breathe Like You Mean It

Breathe in deeply, slowly, deliberately. Feel the air fill your lungs. Hold it for a moment, then let it out. Do it again. And again. Because when everything feels out of control, this is the one thing you can control. You can’t change the past, you can’t predict the future, and you can’t force other people to act the way you want them to. But you can breathe, right now, in this moment.

Eat Something. No, Really.

Have you eaten today? No, coffee doesn’t count. Neither does the handful of crackers you barely noticed shoving into your mouth. Eat something real. It doesn’t have to be healthy. It just has to be food. A sandwich, a bowl of cereal, some fruit, even a damn granola bar—just something with actual calories and nutrients. When life is a wreck, basic self-care falls by the wayside, and eating is one of the first things to go. But you need fuel. You wouldn’t expect a car to run on an empty tank, so why are you expecting your body and mind to function when you haven’t given them anything to work with?

Drink Some Water. Yes, Right Now.

Dehydration sneaks up on you. It makes you foggy, sluggish, and more irritable. It messes with your mood and your ability to think clearly. And when you’re in crisis mode, drinking enough water is often the last thing on your mind. Grab a glass, a bottle, anything. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to be lemon-infused or electrolyte-enhanced. Just drink.

Be Still.

This one is hard. We live in a world that screams at us to always be doing something, fixing something, achieving something. But when everything is a disaster, sometimes the best thing you can do is nothing. Be still. Let your body settle, let your mind settle. Give yourself permission to not have the answers, to not have a plan, to not know what comes next. Sometimes, the storm has to pass before you can even see the ground beneath your feet again.

Being still doesn’t mean you’re giving up. It means you’re letting your nervous system catch up, allowing your emotions to level out so that when you do move forward, you’re doing so with a clearer head and steadier hands.

You Are Still Here.

Life is not always fair. It is not always kind. Sometimes, it throws things at you that you never asked for and don’t deserve. But you are still here. And as long as you are here, you have choices. Maybe not the ones you wish you had, maybe not the ones that make everything magically better, but some choices.

Start with the small ones. The ones that remind you that you are, in fact, still in control of something. Breathe. Eat. Drink. Be still. And when you’re ready, take the next step. One moment, one breath, one tiny act of care at a time.

You’ve survived 100% of your worst days so far. You can survive this one too.

The Weight of Empathy: Finding Balance in a Painful World

by Mothersense, posted in Messy Life, Uncategorized

I oopsidentally published this on the wrong site Thursday. Check back Monday for more insight into the path I am on….Love and light ❤

Cautiously Optimistic: Navigating the Weight of Others’ Pain

I’ve often described myself as a cautiously optimistic person. It’s a way of being that helps me face the challenges of life with hope but without completely abandoning my awareness of how fragile things can be. I try to hold on to the belief that things will get better, that there is light at the end of every dark tunnel. Yet, beneath this cautious optimism is something much deeper—an empathy that can feel all-consuming. I feel everything, and when I say everything, I mean everything.

It’s as if my heart is finely attuned to the pain of the world. When I see someone struggling, whether it’s a close friend or a stranger, I feel their burden. I feel their sadness, their frustration, their fear. It’s hard to explain to those who don’t share this experience, but it’s almost as if I can physically feel their emotions in my own body. And with this heightened sense of empathy comes a natural desire to help. If I’m in, I’m all in. When someone I care about is hurting, I will do everything within my power to ease their pain. But here’s where the challenge lies: No matter how much I want to help, no matter how deeply I feel their suffering, I can’t fix everything.

And that’s the part that has become so difficult. Everywhere I go, I see people struggling. Whether it’s a friend facing a personal crisis, a family member dealing with loss, or a stranger encountering hardships I’ll never fully understand, it feels like there is a constant presence of pain in the world. It’s overwhelming at times. And as much as I want to be there for everyone, as much as I want to ease their suffering and show them that they are not alone, I feel a sense of helplessness that gnaws at me.

I think the hardest part is that the more I care, the more I absorb. I can’t turn off my empathy. When someone is hurting, I can’t just ignore it or pretend it doesn’t affect me. So, I carry these burdens with me. I hold space for others’ pain even when I have nothing left to give. This emotional weight becomes part of my daily existence, and sometimes, it feels like it’s a battle to simply get through the day without being overwhelmed.

Coping has become a process—a continuous, daily, and sometimes hourly, practice. I’ve learned to breathe through moments of heaviness, to step back and remind myself that it’s okay not to have all the answers. I’ve had to accept that my capacity to help is limited, that sometimes, the best thing I can offer is simply my presence, my listening ear, and my unwavering support. But that doesn’t always feel like enough. I want to do more—to take away the pain, to find a solution, to make it all better. The frustration of knowing that I can’t is, at times, unbearable.

But as I reflect on these feelings, I realize that my cautious optimism isn’t about ignoring the pain or pretending that everything is fine. It’s about holding space for hope, even in the face of suffering. It’s about recognizing that while I may not have the power to fix everything, I do have the ability to show up, to care, and to be a source of light in the lives of others.

The truth is, I may never be able to ease all of the burdens that I see around me, and that’s something I have to come to terms with. But I also believe that even the smallest acts of kindness, empathy, and support can make a difference. They may not erase the pain, but they can help carry it for a little while. And maybe, just maybe, that’s enough.

So, I’ll continue to navigate the world with this cautious optimism—holding space for the pain I encounter, but also holding space for the hope that one day, things will get better. I’ll keep doing what I can, even when it feels like it’s not enough, because I know that the journey of healing is a shared one. We may not always have the power to solve each other’s problems, but we can always choose to walk alongside each other, offering empathy, understanding, and love. And in the end, maybe that’s the most important thing we can do.

Starting the year right

by Mothersense, posted in Messy Life

Start the Year Right: A Financial Check-Up and Planning for the Unexpected

As January is flying by, it’s a great time to hit the refresh button on many aspects of your life—your finances included. While it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of New Year’s resolutions and personal goals, one of the most important things you can do at the start of the year is ensure that your financial and legal documents are in order. Doing a financial check-up and reviewing critical documents may not be the most thrilling task, but it can save your family from unnecessary stress and confusion should something happen to you or your spouse.

1. Perform a Financial Check-Up

Start by reviewing your financial situation:

  • Review your budget and spending habits: Are you living within your means? Have your financial goals changed? It’s important to adjust your budget to reflect your current priorities, whether that’s saving for a major purchase, paying off debt, or investing in retirement.
  • Check your credit report: Get a copy of your credit report to ensure there are no errors or signs of identity theft. Correcting mistakes early can save you a lot of headaches down the line.
  • Evaluate your emergency savings: Ideally, you should have 3-6 months of living expenses saved up in case of unexpected emergencies. If this isn’t the case, make it a priority this year to build or replenish your emergency fund.
  • Revisit retirement and investment accounts: Check in on the performance of your retirement accounts and investment portfolios. Make sure your contributions align with your goals and, if necessary, adjust your asset allocation based on your risk tolerance and time horizon.

2. Update Your Will and Trust

Many people put off creating a will or updating it because it can feel morbid or overwhelming. However, it’s a crucial step in ensuring your assets are distributed according to your wishes and that your family members are taken care of. If your circumstances have changed—perhaps you’ve acquired new assets, had a child, or experienced a life event like a marriage or divorce—be sure to revise your will to reflect these changes. You may also want to consider setting up a trust to avoid probate and streamline the transfer of assets.

3. Review Beneficiaries for Insurance and Bank Accounts

It’s not uncommon for people to forget to update their beneficiary designations on life insurance policies, retirement accounts (like 401(k)s or IRAs), and even bank accounts. If you’ve had any life changes—such as a marriage, divorce, or the birth of a child—this should be a top priority. Ensure that the beneficiaries listed reflect your current wishes and that your loved ones will be taken care of in the event of your death.

4. Set Up Power of Attorney

A Power of Attorney (POA) is a legal document that designates someone to make financial decisions on your behalf if you’re unable to do so yourself due to illness, injury, or incapacitation. Having a trusted person in place who can handle financial matters for you is essential to ensure your financial obligations are met during a difficult time. You can also set up a Healthcare Power of Attorney to appoint someone to make medical decisions on your behalf if you’re unable to communicate those decisions yourself.

5. Create Advance Directives

An advance directive (also known as a living will) outlines your preferences for medical care should you be in a position where you cannot express your wishes. This can include instructions for life-sustaining treatment, organ donation, and other aspects of end-of-life care. Many people shy away from thinking about these situations, but having clear, legally recognized instructions can relieve your loved ones of difficult decisions during emotionally charged times. Make sure your advance directives are signed, dated, and stored in a place where your family can easily access them.

6. Organize Your Documents and Make Things Easy for Your Family

Beyond the legal documents and financial accounts, consider organizing important information for your family. Create a document or folder where you record all necessary details about your accounts, passwords, insurance policies, and any other key information that your family members may need in the event of an emergency or your passing. Include things like:

  • Where you keep physical documents
  • Account numbers, login details, and passwords (using a password manager is a secure option)
  • Insurance policies, including life, home, auto, and health
  • Contact information for professionals (lawyers, accountants, financial advisors)

While it might seem like a lot of work upfront, taking the time to get your affairs in order now can provide peace of mind for both you and your loved ones.

7. Talk to Your Family About Your Wishes

Beyond the paperwork, it’s crucial to have an open and honest conversation with your family about your wishes. This includes discussing things like your preferences for healthcare, your end-of-life care decisions (such as a Do Not Resuscitate or DNR order), and what you want to happen with your possessions. While it may feel uncomfortable, leaving these things unspoken can lead to confusion, stress, and even family conflict when emotions run high.

The Importance of Doing the Work

It may seem daunting to go through this process, but it’s far better to address these matters now than leave your family to guess your intentions. If you were to fall ill or unexpectedly pass away, having these legal and financial arrangements in place would ensure that your family isn’t left scrambling, unsure of your wishes, or dealing with unnecessary administrative headaches. It’s not about being morbid—it’s about being proactive and ensuring that your loved ones have clarity and peace of mind when they need it most.

This year, make it a priority to set aside time for your financial and legal check-up. You’ll feel better knowing that you’ve taken steps to protect your family and their future.

To love a man

by Mothersense, posted in Messy Life, Uncategorized

November: Men’s Mental Health Month – Breaking the Stigma

November is not just a month for reflection on the changing seasons or the coming holidays. It’s also a time to highlight a critical yet often overlooked issue: Men’s Mental Health. As we approach this month, we should take a moment to examine the pressures that men face, the stigma surrounding mental health, and how we can help break down the barriers to healing.

For many men, mental health struggles are often seen as a sign of weakness—something to be ashamed of. This is especially true in a society where traditional masculinity often discourages vulnerability and emotional expression. Yet, it’s essential to understand that mental health doesn’t discriminate; it affects us all, regardless of gender.

This issue hits particularly close to home for me, as my own husband has shared something deeply troubling. He drives an 18-wheeler for work and has confided in me that he lives with the constant fear of killing someone while driving. The thought of that horrific scene haunts him, knowing he would have to live with the aftermath. This is just one example of the mental struggles men face, yet it’s a conversation too often left in the shadows.

The Stigma Men Face

For many men, asking for help is a monumental task. Society has conditioned them to be strong, stoic, and self-reliant. This can make it incredibly difficult for them to open up about their mental health struggles. Unfortunately, this leads to an overwhelming number of men suffering in silence, trapped in a cycle of shame, isolation, and fear.

When men do express their emotions, it’s often misinterpreted as anger. This is not a flaw or a sign of aggression—it’s simply a way for many men to mask their vulnerability. The truth is, anger is sometimes the only emotion men feel safe enough to express. Behind that anger, there’s often fear, sadness, guilt, and anxiety.

But it’s time for change. It’s time to break down the stigma surrounding men’s mental health and create an environment where they feel safe to ask for help, express themselves, and receive the care they need.

How to Help Men Cope

If you know a man who is struggling, or if you are a man facing mental health challenges, there are ways to begin coping—even if a therapist is not immediately accessible. It’s important to remember that reaching out for help doesn’t always have to be through professional therapy; sometimes, just taking the first small steps can make a world of difference.

  1. Encourage Open Conversations
    Create a safe space for men to talk without judgment. Let them know that it’s okay to not be okay, and it’s okay to talk about feelings. Ask open-ended questions and allow them the time and space to respond without pressure. Sometimes just saying, “I’m here for you,” can mean more than we realize.
  2. Normalize Vulnerability
    Remind them that being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness; it’s an act of strength. Show them that vulnerability is human, and it’s part of being a whole person. Help them understand that seeking help and being open with emotions is not only okay—it’s necessary.
  3. Promote Healthy Coping Mechanisms
    Encourage activities that can help men cope with their emotions in a healthy way. Whether it’s exercise, journaling, spending time outdoors, or taking up a hobby, these activities can provide a sense of purpose and relief. Encouraging them to take time for themselves is crucial for mental health.
  4. Create a Routine
    Having a sense of structure can help manage anxiety and stress. Encouraging daily routines, even small ones like taking a walk or making time for a favorite activity, can help restore a sense of normalcy and control.
  5. Take It One Step at a Time
    If a man feels overwhelmed by the thought of seeking professional help, start small. Begin with small steps like confiding in a friend or loved one, journaling, or reading about mental health. Sometimes, just acknowledging the issue is the first step toward healing.
  6. Encourage Connection
    One of the most important ways to help is through connection. Encourage men to spend time with friends, family, or loved ones who understand them. Social support is vital, and knowing they aren’t alone can ease the weight of their struggles.
  7. Be Patient
    Men, particularly those who struggle with opening up, may take time to feel comfortable with their emotions. Patience is key. Let them know you’re there for them, no matter how long it takes for them to open up.

For the Loved Ones of Men Struggling with Mental Health

As someone who loves a man dealing with mental health struggles, you play a critical role in his healing process. You may not have all the answers, and that’s okay. What’s most important is showing support, patience, and understanding.

When men aren’t ready to seek therapy, make sure they know you’re there to listen, without judgment or offering solutions unless they ask. Sometimes, just being present can provide the comfort they need to begin the healing process.

To wrap it up for you:

November is Men’s Mental Health Month, a time to reflect on how we can be more supportive of the men in our lives who are struggling. It’s essential to acknowledge the unique pressures men face and help break down the stigma of seeking help.

If you are a man reading this, know that it’s okay to not have everything figured out. It’s okay to ask for help, to lean on others, and to take small steps toward healing. And if you love a man who is struggling, remember that your compassion, patience, and support can make all the difference in the world.

Together, we can create a future where mental health is no longer a taboo subject and where men feel safe, loved, and supported on their journey toward emotional well-being.

Chronic Pain is a Mother…

by Mothersense, posted in Kids n such, Messy Life

Exploring Chronic Pain

Chronic pain is a complex and often debilitating condition affecting millions of people worldwide. It can stem from a variety of causes, including injury, illness, or underlying medical conditions such as arthritis, fibromyalgia, neuropathy, and migraines. While narcotic pain relievers can provide temporary relief, they are not always a sustainable or desirable long-term solution. Many individuals seek alternative treatments to manage their pain more effectively and improve their quality of life. 

If you have read my much older blogs you may know that my ex husband suffered from chronic pain with no known cause. Still to this day I suppose he continues to suffer, but this was my first foray into chronic pain. My second was for myself, last year I suffered a head injury which led to a concussion and post concussion syndrome. Now I live with migraines to which the likes I had never before experienced. Thanks to modern medicine, I can now take a prescription to keep my migraine days down to maybe once a month. The sad part is that it took almost a year of tests and numerous visits with a primary care doctor and neurologist. Many of you may not have the privilege of seeking such medical care and even if you can you may not know what other things might help and what questions to ask the doctors for relief. 

Understanding Chronic Pain Conditions

Chronic pain can manifest in numerous ways, including:

 **Arthritis**: Inflammation in the joints causing stiffness and pain.

 **Fibromyalgia**: Widespread pain, fatigue, and cognitive difficulties.

 **Neuropathic Pain**: Nerve damage leading to shooting or burning pain.

 **Migraines**: Severe headaches often accompanied by nausea and sensitivity to light.

Recognizing the specific type of pain is crucial for effective management, as each condition may respond differently to treatment approaches. Healthcare providers try to stay away from prescribing narcotic medications not only because of addiction but because without realizing it, your body can become dependent. I use the words addiction and dependency to describe different conditions. For me addiction is more of  psychological need accompanied with a physical need to take the medication and dependency is when your body will absolutely go haywire if you choose to stop taking it. Withdrawal in either case is really far more unpleasant and can be harmful for the chronic pain sufferer. This is why I encourage talking to your doctor about medications, supplements and other treatments to come up with a unique treatment plan for your particular pain.

Alternative Treatments for Chronic Pain

1. **Nutritional Supplements**: Certain supplements can help alleviate pain and reduce inflammation:

   – **Omega-3 Fatty Acids**: Found in fish oil, these can help decrease inflammation and improve joint health. You can use supplements or add more fish in your diet, but be sure to read the labels. 

   – **Turmeric**: Contains curcumin, which has anti-inflammatory properties. My nephew uses this for his aches and pains as an installation technician. He is 39 now and his body isn’t moving along so well with all of the repetitive use. 

   – **Magnesium**: May reduce muscle tension and help with nerve pain. I use a magnesium spray that I bought locally. You can also find it on Amazon. 

   – **Glucosamine and Chondroitin**: Often used for joint pain and osteoarthritis. My Dad swore by this combo in helping with his knee pain. 

2. **Mind-Body Techniques**: Practices such as meditation, yoga, and tai chi can promote relaxation and help manage pain through mindfulness and gentle movement. Movement as I have said in previous posts is lubrication, do what you can. Some days will be better than others as always and don’t over-do it, but always try to get a few minutes in daily. 

3. **Physical Therapy**: Tailored exercises can strengthen muscles, improve flexibility, and reduce pain over time. A physical therapist can design a program that aligns with an individual’s specific needs. 

4. **Acupuncture**: This traditional Chinese medicine practice involves inserting needles into specific points to relieve pain and promote healing.

5. **Massage Therapy**: Therapeutic massage can alleviate muscle tension and improve circulation, providing relief for many chronic pain sufferers.

6. **Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)**: This psychological approach helps individuals change their perception of pain and develop coping strategies to manage it effectively.

Activities to Consider

Engaging in gentle physical activities can be beneficial. While it may seem counterintuitive to move when in pain, low-impact exercises like swimming, walking, or cycling can boost endorphin levels, which are natural pain relievers. Additionally, hobbies that promote relaxation, such as painting or gardening, can provide a mental escape and reduce stress.

The Role of Sleep in Pain Management

For many chronic pain sufferers, sleep is often the only respite from their discomfort. However, pain can significantly disrupt sleep patterns, leading to a vicious cycle of fatigue and heightened pain sensitivity. Establishing a calming bedtime routine, creating a comfortable sleep environment, and considering sleep aids—whether natural (like melatonin) or through behavioral adjustments—can help improve sleep quality.

Coping Without Narcotics

While narcotics can be effective for some, they come with risks of dependency and side effects that can be just as debilitating as the pain. Here are strategies to cope without relying solely on narcotics:

 **Stay Informed**: Understand your condition and treatment options. Knowledge empowers you to make informed choices about your care. If you think something might help, bring it up with your healthcare provider. 

 **Support Networks**: Connect with others who understand chronic pain. Support groups, whether in-person or online, can offer encouragement and shared experiences. Facebook, Discord, and What’s app, Reddit do have group options where you can find others who are facing your struggles. 

 **Integrate Therapies**: Many alternative treatments can work in conjunction with prescribed medications. Always consult your healthcare provider before adding new therapies to your routine. When you are transparent with your provider about your pain and that you are willing to explore options besides prescription medication you may get better results from them. I know my neurologist placed a sign in his lobby that he does not prescribe narcotics at all. I suppose that keeps any pill seekers from his office, but he is clear about it up front. The medical community is beginning to embrace holistic medicine and hopefully more providers will look to treat a whole person and not just a set of symptoms . 

Wrapping it up for you: 

Living with chronic pain can be challenging, but exploring alternative treatments and making lifestyle adjustments can lead to significant improvements in quality of life. A comprehensive approach that includes nutritional supplements, physical activities, and mind-body techniques can help alleviate pain and enhance overall well-being. Remember, it’s essential to consult with a healthcare professional before making any changes to your treatment plan. Each person’s experience with pain is unique, and finding the right combination of strategies can lead to a more manageable and fulfilling life. I hope this information gives you a starting point in finding more pain free days.