Tag: grief

Navigating Grief: Lessons from a Year Without Audra

by Mothersense, posted in Uncategorized

Coping with Grief: A Year Without Audra

It’s been nearly a year now—a year since Audra passed. It was a Wednesday. We had already spoken twice that morning, talking about life, laughing about how much she hated Walmart and self-checkouts. Then my phone rang again. This time, it was different. “I don’t feel right,” she said. “Bring the blood pressure cuff.”

It was Spring Break, and I was home, not teaching. I ran next door, frantic, to find her slurring her words, sweet little Hayden trying to help Moomoo. Her blood pressure was too high. I called 911. She started throwing up. By the time the paramedics arrived, she was somewhat coherent. I had gotten Hunter and Nick there. Thomas was on the phone. It was bad.

By the time they loaded her into the ambulance, I saw it—Hunter saw it. The drooping side of her face. We knew. But we held onto hope. Strokes can be survived. Audra was tough and ornery. She could pull through. But it all happened so fast. Some days, the scene replays in my head. Some nights, it haunts my dreams.

I visited her in the hospital. Thomas said the prognosis was grim. We knew. She knew. She had made it clear she never wanted machines to keep her alive if there was no real quality of life. And so, we waited. We grieved even before she was gone. And then, she slipped away.

Now, nearly a year later, everything has changed, and yet, nothing has. I haven’t stepped foot next door since her memorial service. I see her willow tree—the one thing her black thumb didn’t kill. Some days, it makes me smile. Other days, it makes me cry. She should still be here. She should be helping Nick with his schoolwork, swapping recipes with me, planning our gardens together. But she isn’t. And as March 18th approaches, the weight of her absence grows heavier.

She was more than a friend. She was my sister in every way except blood. My confidante, my reality check, my protector. And now, she’s gone. There’s no one to fill her shoes. The grief is raw. The reality of outliving those we love is a harsh lesson, one I’ve always known but never fully embraced: No one is promised another day.

Finding Ways to Cope

Grief is a journey, not a destination. It changes shape but never fully disappears. If you’re walking this path, too, here are some ways to navigate the pain:

1. Allow Yourself to Feel There is no timeline for grief. Some days, you’ll laugh at a memory. Other days, the pain will take your breath away. Let it. Don’t rush healing. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve.

2. Honor Their Memory Find ways to keep their spirit alive. Cook their favorite meal. Plant something in their honor. Share their stories. Audra’s willow tree reminds me that she was here, that she mattered.

3. Lean on Your People Grief can feel isolating, but you don’t have to carry it alone. Talk to someone who understands. Share your pain, your memories, your love. Let others support you.

4. Find Purpose in the Pain Loss has a way of reshaping our priorities. I choose to love more fiercely, forgive more freely, and live more intentionally. Life is too short to do more damage.

5. Give Yourself Grace There’s no “moving on,” only moving forward. Some days will be harder than others. That’s okay. Be patient with yourself.

Grief is love with nowhere to go. And in that love, Audra remains. She may not be here to call me and tell me to snap out of it, but I hear her voice in my heart. I honor her by living, by loving, by carrying her with me in all the ways that matter.

And if there was a phone line to heaven, I know she’d be on my butt about it.

Holiday Grief: It hurts but still you smile…

by Mothersense, posted in Uncategorized

Navigating the Holidays with a Heavy Heart: Embracing Tradition Amidst Grief

The holidays are often portrayed as the most joyous time of the year — a season full of laughter, togetherness, and cherished traditions. But for many, this time of year can also carry a sense of quiet sadness, especially when a loved one is no longer part of the celebration. Whether through the death of a family member, a divorce, or another life event that causes a significant absence, the holidays can bring up complex emotions that are difficult to navigate.

The Quiet Grief of Missing Someone

Holidays are naturally a time for family and friends to gather, share meals, and reminisce about the past. It’s a season filled with memories, both old and new. But what happens when that one person who was always at the table, the one who filled the room with laughter or love, is no longer present? The absence of someone significant can turn a joyful occasion into a bittersweet one, where the chair left empty is a constant reminder of their absence.

It’s not just about the physical absence. Sometimes, the absence of someone — whether they’re gone due to death, divorce, or distance — feels like an emotional void. For example, the first holiday season after the loss of a spouse or parent can feel like you’re navigating a minefield of emotions. Their absence may seem to hang over every carol, every holiday tradition, and even every casual conversation. The laughter of children, the familiar holiday routines, and the bustle of the kitchen might feel jarring when the person you loved and shared those moments with is no longer there to partake.

In cases of divorce, the emotional challenges can be compounded by changes in family dynamics. Familiar spaces and family rituals become places of unfamiliarity and loss, as traditions that once brought comfort now carry a sting. Sometimes, families are also separated by distance, leaving a feeling of fractured connection, and the holiday spirit becomes a reminder of all that’s been lost.

Recognizing the Sadness

A crucial step in dealing with grief during the holidays is to acknowledge the sadness. Trying to ignore it or brush it aside can lead to feelings of resentment or frustration. It’s okay to admit that this year looks different — it’s okay to feel sad, to miss someone, or to mourn the changes that life has brought. Emotions are complex, and during a season that is supposed to be full of joy, it’s important to make space for the grief that surfaces.

It’s also important to understand that sadness doesn’t mean you aren’t enjoying the present moment. You can feel sadness and still find joy in the company of those around you. The grief that creeps in during the holidays is not a sign that you are ungrateful or unable to find joy, but rather a reflection of how much the person or situation meant to you.

How to Cope and Still Enjoy the Season

Even when sadness inevitably comes, it’s possible to still find ways to cherish the holidays, honor your grief, and enjoy the present. Here are a few strategies for coping with the bittersweet emotions of the season:

1. Create New Traditions

While keeping old traditions can bring comfort, sometimes they can also highlight the absence. If old traditions feel too painful, consider creating new ones. This doesn’t mean letting go of the old completely — you can still hold onto what matters — but a fresh tradition can provide a way to move forward while still honoring the past. Perhaps you could start a new tradition, like a family volunteering day, a cozy movie marathon, or cooking a dish that you didn’t make before. New memories can help balance out the grief and bring a sense of renewal.

2. Honor the Memory of the Lost Loved One

Rather than trying to suppress memories, find a way to honor them. Share stories about the person you miss. Light a candle in their memory or make a toast in their honor. These small acts allow you to include them in the celebration, not as a source of sadness, but as a reflection of love and the lasting impact they had on your life. You might even want to incorporate their favorite holiday song or dish into your festivities.

3. Allow Yourself to Feel What You Feel

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. It’s okay to cry, to feel frustrated, or to have moments of joy mixed with moments of sadness. Give yourself permission to feel whatever emotions arise without judgment. If you need to take a break from the festivities or step away for a moment of solitude, that’s perfectly okay. Processing grief in a way that feels authentic to you will help you manage the complex emotions of the season.

4. Reach Out for Support

If you’re struggling with grief, don’t hesitate to lean on friends, family, or even a counselor. Talking about your feelings, even if it’s just a quick check-in with someone who understands, can help ease the burden. Sometimes simply expressing how you’re feeling can make a huge difference. You don’t have to carry the weight of grief alone. Sharing in the sadness and joy together can help lighten the load.

5. Practice Gratitude in the Present Moment

While it’s natural to miss the past, focusing on the blessings in the present can provide a sense of peace. Take time to reflect on the things you’re grateful for, whether it’s your family, your health, or the little joys of the season — like a warm cup of tea, a festive decoration, or a quiet moment of reflection. Practicing gratitude can help you shift your focus from what is missing to what is still there, which can make the holidays feel more balanced.

6. Give Yourself Permission to Have Fun

You can still enjoy the holidays, even with sadness present. Don’t feel guilty for laughing, smiling, or finding moments of joy. Grief isn’t about living in constant sadness; it’s about learning how to navigate the ebb and flow of emotions. If you can find moments to laugh with your family, enjoy a holiday treat, or participate in activities that bring you joy, allow yourself to fully experience those moments without guilt. Your loved ones, whether living or passed, would want you to enjoy life, too.

Moving Forward with Love

The holidays will never be exactly the same as they once were, and that’s okay. Embrace the changes, find new ways to honor the memories, and don’t let grief overshadow the moments that can still bring joy. The people we miss may not be physically present, but they can still be a part of our celebrations in spirit.

Grief is a part of love, and love doesn’t vanish with time. It transforms. This holiday season, allow yourself to feel all the emotions — sadness, joy, gratitude — and find new ways to celebrate life, even in the face of loss. Your traditions, old and new, can be a beautiful way to keep the memories alive while embracing the present moment.

G is for GRIEF

by Mothersense, posted in Uncategorized

Navigating the Personal Journey of Loss

Grief is a profound, often overwhelming experience that touches all of our lives at some point. It’s a deeply personal journey that can emerge from various types of loss—whether the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or even the loss of a dream or opportunity. Understanding grief as a lifelong process rather than a linear event can help us navigate its complexities with compassion for ourselves and others.

The Nature of Grief

Grief is not just an emotion; it encompasses a range of feelings, thoughts, and reactions. It can manifest as sadness, anger, confusion, guilt, and even relief. Each person experiences grief differently, influenced by their personality, life experiences, and the nature of the loss.

A Personal Journey

One of the most critical aspects of grief is its deeply personal nature. While there are common stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—each individual traverses these stages in their own way and at their own pace. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve; there’s only your way.

  • Cultural Influences: Cultural backgrounds can shape how we express grief. Some cultures openly mourn, while others may emphasize stoicism. Understanding these differences is vital in supporting those around us.
  • Support Systems: The presence or absence of a supportive network can significantly impact the grieving process. Friends, family, and even professionals can provide comfort, yet the way we choose to engage with that support is uniquely ours.

Grief as a Lifelong Process

Many people may expect grief to resolve after a certain period, but it often lingers, evolving over time. This understanding can be liberating; it acknowledges that grief doesn’t have a strict timeline and allows for ongoing healing.

  • Anniversaries and Milestones: Significant dates, like birthdays or anniversaries, can reignite feelings of grief. This resurgence is a natural part of the process and can remind us of the love we still hold for those we’ve lost.
  • Finding New Meanings: As time passes, the way we relate to our grief may change. We may find ways to honor our loved ones, celebrate their lives, and integrate their memory into our own.

The Greater the Grief, the Greater the Love

One of the most profound truths about grief is that it reflects the depth of our love. The pain we feel is a testament to the bonds we shared. This connection is what makes the journey of grief so significant and transformative.

  • Embracing Love: Rather than shying away from grief, embracing it can be a way to honor our relationships. Acknowledge the love that underlies the sorrow; it’s this love that shapes our memories and influences who we are.
  • Creating Legacy: Finding ways to celebrate the life of the person we’ve lost can help channel our grief into something meaningful. This could be through storytelling, creating art, or participating in activities they loved.

Coping with Grief

As we navigate the personal journey of grief, it’s essential to equip ourselves with tools for coping. Here are some strategies that may help:

  1. Allow Yourself to Feel: Give yourself permission to experience all emotions that arise without judgment. Grief is not something to “get over” but something to honor.
  2. Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Whether through friends, family, or support groups, connecting with others who understand can be immensely comforting.
  3. Express Yourself: Writing, art, and other forms of expression can provide an outlet for your feelings. Journaling about your experience can help you process your emotions.
  4. Practice Self-Care: Grieving can be exhausting. Prioritize self-care through rest, nutrition, and activities that bring you joy or solace.
  5. Consider Professional Help: If grief feels overwhelming, seeking the guidance of a therapist can provide valuable support and coping strategies.

That’s not all folks:

Grief is a complex and deeply personal journey that requires patience and compassion. It is a lifelong process, interwoven with love and memory. Acknowledging that the greater the grief, the greater the love can help us embrace our experiences, honor those we’ve lost, and ultimately find a way to carry their legacy forward in our lives. Remember, you are not alone in this journey; your path is uniquely yours, and it’s okay to take the time you need to heal.

The personal part:

Keeping all of the above in mind, I have become very familiar with grief. It is a personal companion and has been with me since I was 11 years old. My only living grandparent died, my Granny, she was just the best towards me. And she impacted my life in so many ways, from “not sweeping through the middle” to “I love you a bushel and a peck,” helping me count to 100, taking rides through the countryside and everything in between. This is not to discount the losses that followed. It just compounds the grief; I still miss them and all of my other loved ones who are no longer here with me. The grief can be heavy some days. In the beginning, the initial shock, it is kind of easy. Easy, in that no one expects much from you in the beginning. You have the sympathy of everyone around you for your loss, but then it fades. You have to continue to go to work, do laundry, grocery shop, and with each of these tasks you are still very aware that the world you knew has changed forever. But the world keeps spinning even while you are in the throes of grief, life goes on, work still has to be done, bills paid. The routine soothes you a little bit, trying to keep things “normal” while you process what it is that has this grip on you. 

The holidays are always the hardest after a loss. Whether it be a birthday, anniversary or the holiday season following Halloween, they can all be hard. You can honor your loved ones and keep the same traditions, it may feel hollow at first, but there will be new meaning in them. This year I am not only facing the holidays without my parents but without 2 members of my village that always helped to pull me back from the brink when things got rough. I didn’t expect to have to traverse life and grief in losing friends that had become family. Losing the sister from another mister, my daily check in text or call, Audra could make me absolutely crazy with some of her theories but at our hearts we both enjoyed food and flavors and cultures and we raised our babies together. We made last minute poodle skirts together. She helped me expand my horizons. We valued critical thinking and doing what’s best for ourselves even if others didn’t understand. She helped me to embrace who I am. Now our youngest babies are freshmen in high school and she isn’t here to navigate this part. Some days are better than others and I think of her adult children each day. I think of her husband, left behind with a teen boy to raise without his mom. I digress. These things are all part of my daily existence. 

But in learning to let go, it is especially poignant in the fall. In the fall, trees lose their leaves, as they continue to grow. They become a shell of themselves, but we know that in the spring they sprout new leaves. I am taking a lesson from the trees this year. I am going to let go of things, it is hard work, but it is important work. I am going to let go of the past. I am going to cherish memories of loved ones and prepare myself to move forward in this new existence. I will remember each of them in different ways and on different days, but in letting go of how I thought life would be, I am freeing myself of the immense weight that grief can bear down on me. I will keep old traditions that still serve me and maybe create new ones to celebrate this new chapter of life. I didn’t plan for this journey of grief; I don’t think you can. What you can do is appreciate the time that you have and make the minutes count.

Love and light y’all, it can get dark out there. 

More about me and where I am headed…

by Mothersense, posted in Uncategorized

Finding Opportunity Amid Grief and Financial Concerns

Life has a way of throwing curveballs when we least expect it. Lately, I’ve been navigating a landscape filled with grief and financial uncertainties. It’s a heavy load, and some days it feels overwhelming. But through this challenging period, I’ve started to explore new avenues to not only cope but to thrive.

Embracing Grief and Finding Strength

Grief can be a solitary journey, yet it can also be a catalyst for growth. As I process my feelings of the loss of both people and a career that I worked really hard to get into, I’ve realized the importance of channeling my energy into productive outlets. Writing has become my refuge—a way to express what I’m going through and connect with others who may feel the same.

Financial Concerns: A Wake-Up Call

Alongside my emotional struggles, financial concerns have crept in. Unexpected expenses and a tightening budget have pushed me to rethink my income sources. In this age of digital opportunities, I’ve discovered that there are several ways to generate income that align with my passions and skills.

Diving into Blogging and Copywriting

One avenue I’ve explored is blogging. Sharing my experiences not only helps me process my grief, but it also allows me to connect with a broader audience. Through my blog, I’m able to share insights, stories, and resources that others might find valuable.

I’m also diving into copywriting. The ability to craft compelling narratives and persuasive content can be a lucrative skill, especially as businesses are constantly looking for fresh ways to engage their audiences.

Proofreading: A Detail-Oriented Path

With an eye for detail, proofreading has become another potential income stream. Many writers and businesses seek out proofreaders to polish their work, and I’ve found that this skill can be both rewarding and flexible.

Cooking Up a New Project: A Cookbook

In addition to writing, I’ve always had a passion for cooking. As I’ve spent more time in the kitchen, I’ve been inspired to create a cookbook. Combining personal stories with recipes can be a beautiful way to share my journey and offer something meaningful to others.

Partnering with Primerica

Finally, I’ve recently partnered with Primerica, a company that offers financial services and education. This opportunity not only aligns with my goal of improving my financial literacy but also allows me to help others in their financial journeys. It’s a fulfilling way to turn my financial concerns into proactive solutions.

Connecting with Amazon Affiliate Links

As I embark on these ventures, I’ve also started utilizing Amazon affiliate links on my blog. Whether I’m sharing my favorite kitchen gadgets for the cookbook or recommending books that have helped me through tough times, this can be a great way to earn some extra income while providing value to my readers.

Moving Forward

While grief and financial worries can feel consuming, I’ve found that by leaning into my passions and exploring new income streams, I can create a brighter path forward. Each step—whether it’s blogging, copywriting, or working on my cookbook—feels like a small victory. I’m learning to embrace this journey, and I hope to inspire others to find their own paths through adversity.

If you’re interested in supporting my journey or exploring some of my recommended products, check out the links that I will be posting on my blog. There is also an Etsy shop, TikTok and Instagram pages for content related to mental health and navigating life. Look for Mothersenseshop on social media and of course I will be getting all of the links posted here soon. Together, we can maneuver through these challenges and discover new opportunities for growth. As always, love and light y’all, we can do this!

Navigating life -Steps you can take

by Mothersense, posted in Uncategorized

Getting through the tough times – Steps you can take

If you have seen my previous posts, you know a bit of what we have been through and ways that I have tried to help my family cope with various struggles. Although I gave birth to 5 children, I also have had the honor to be a safe adult for several other children in my life-time. Meaning they either lived with me or were always coming to me to help them through difficult times. They are mostly adults now and still have struggles, but because they learned some coping skills, the struggles are not as difficult. This blog is to serve as a help in the conversation about mental health. It is filled with what has worked for us and what we tried. Mental health issues are not really a one size fits all, some meds will work for some and not so well for others. Therapy with a professional can be beneficial for everyone but takes time. What can be beneficial is to not stop trying, to keep looking for what works for you and your family. I will always advocate for being mindful of what you are CONSUMING, that means food, entertainment, information, social media, it will all have an effect on your mental health. Keeping all of this in mind, the following is a post about steps you can take while on your mental health journey. 

Are you someone who needs quiet? DO you crave some quiet alone time in your day to process, prepare or recuperate from your day? Here are some things that help with getting that little slice of quiet.

  1. Get up earlier than the rest of the family- I know it sounds hard but it can be beneficial for you to start your morning mentally preparing yourself for the day. You can have a quiet cup of coffee or listen to a bit of calming music, do your morning stretches, read your Bible, just some quiet “just me” time that is calm
  2. Stay up a bit later than everyone else. Yes, I did this quite a bit. In the evening you can also do some skincare, a soak in the tub, again music to wind down, reading a book or Bible study. I don’t recommend exercise before bedtime because the feel good hormones that are released actually serve to wake you up and you will not be going to sleep soon afterwards. 
  3. If you are a parent that has to pick up the kids, read while waiting in the pick up line. If you have to commute, listen to a podcast or audiobook. This isn’t entirely quiet, but it is a bit of time carved out for you to do something that is just for you. 

Do you feel like you just want to cry sometimes? Yeah, me too. Crying can be a beneficial emotional release, serving as a natural mechanism to process and alleviate stress or sadness. My husband will sometimes intentionally take time to watch something that he knows will make him cry, because he says it is cleansing. I agree it can be cleansing, but I am not set up to do what my husband does. I am that mom that has avoided the final episode of Supernatural because I knew the ending would be sad. I didn’t know the details BUT I just KNEW it would make me cry, all endings like that on tv shows make me cry. It’s over. No more. So yeah, I cried. I cried when I was going through Grey’s. I didn’t need to intentionally look for stuff, sometimes the news made me cry. Crying is normal and healthy. Sometimes it is overwhelming sadness and other times tears accompany great joy! 

When tears do flow, they often help to release pent-up emotions and can even trigger the release of endorphins, which act as natural painkillers and mood enhancers. To make the most of this cathartic experience, it’s useful to follow a few steps:

  1. Allow yourself to cry without judgment; acknowledging and accepting your emotions can lead to a more profound emotional release. 
  1. Find a safe and supportive environment where you can express yourself freely.
  1. After the tears have subsided, engage in self-care activities such as deep breathing, journaling, or talking to a trusted friend, to help you process the experience and regain a sense of balance. Embracing crying as a part of your emotional toolkit can foster resilience and lead to greater overall well-being.

We get to cry, however if you find yourself crying often and easily, then perhaps medical or therapeutic interventions should be pursued. 

The most important thing you can do for yourself or to help anyone who may struggle is to connect. Talk to someone or listen to someone when struggling. Connection to others has been proven to be the most vital aspect of mental health. 

Here’s a list of key contacts and resources for those struggling with mental health issues. It’s important to reach out to professionals or organizations that can provide support and guidance.

 Emergency Contacts:

1. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (U.S.): 1-800-273-TALK (8255)  

   – Available 24/7 for crisis support.

2. Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741  

   – Provides 24/7 support via text.

3. Emergency Services (U.S.): Dial 911  

   – For immediate assistance in a crisis situation. Ensure they operator is aware it is a mental health emergency

General Support:

1. NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness): 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)  

   – Provides information, support, and resources for mental health.

2. Mental Health America (MHA): 1-800-969-6642  

   – Offers mental health resources and support.

3. SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration): 1-800-662-HELP (4357)  

   – Provides information and referrals for mental health and substance use disorders.

Online Resources:

1. 7 Cups: [7cups.com](https://www.7cups.com)  

   – Offers free, anonymous online counseling and support.

2. BetterHelp: [betterhelp.com](https://www.betterhelp.com)  

   – Provides online therapy with licensed professionals.

3. Headspace: [headspace.com](https://www.headspace.com)  

   – Offers mindfulness and meditation resources.

International Contacts:

1. Samaritans (UK & Ireland): 116 123  

   – Offers support 24/7 for those in emotional distress.

2. Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14  

   – Provides 24/7 crisis support.

3. Crisis Services Canada: 1-833-456-4566  

   – Offers support through phone and text.

Remember, it’s essential to seek professional help if you or someone you know is struggling. These resources are a good starting point for finding the support needed. And remember the best lesson from Finding Nemo comes from Dory: “Just keep swimming” Make it a great day folks, the choice is in your hands.