Tag: healing

G is for GRIEF

by Mothersense, posted in This Life

Navigating the Personal Journey of Loss

Grief is a profound, often overwhelming experience that touches all of our lives at some point. It’s a deeply personal journey that can emerge from various types of loss—whether the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or even the loss of a dream or opportunity. Understanding grief as a lifelong process rather than a linear event can help us navigate its complexities with compassion for ourselves and others.

The Nature of Grief

Grief is not just an emotion; it encompasses a range of feelings, thoughts, and reactions. It can manifest as sadness, anger, confusion, guilt, and even relief. Each person experiences grief differently, influenced by their personality, life experiences, and the nature of the loss.

A Personal Journey

One of the most critical aspects of grief is its deeply personal nature. While there are common stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—each individual traverses these stages in their own way and at their own pace. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve; there’s only your way.

  • Cultural Influences: Cultural backgrounds can shape how we express grief. Some cultures openly mourn, while others may emphasize stoicism. Understanding these differences is vital in supporting those around us.
  • Support Systems: The presence or absence of a supportive network can significantly impact the grieving process. Friends, family, and even professionals can provide comfort, yet the way we choose to engage with that support is uniquely ours.

Grief as a Lifelong Process

Many people may expect grief to resolve after a certain period, but it often lingers, evolving over time. This understanding can be liberating; it acknowledges that grief doesn’t have a strict timeline and allows for ongoing healing.

  • Anniversaries and Milestones: Significant dates, like birthdays or anniversaries, can reignite feelings of grief. This resurgence is a natural part of the process and can remind us of the love we still hold for those we’ve lost.
  • Finding New Meanings: As time passes, the way we relate to our grief may change. We may find ways to honor our loved ones, celebrate their lives, and integrate their memory into our own.

The Greater the Grief, the Greater the Love

One of the most profound truths about grief is that it reflects the depth of our love. The pain we feel is a testament to the bonds we shared. This connection is what makes the journey of grief so significant and transformative.

  • Embracing Love: Rather than shying away from grief, embracing it can be a way to honor our relationships. Acknowledge the love that underlies the sorrow; it’s this love that shapes our memories and influences who we are.
  • Creating Legacy: Finding ways to celebrate the life of the person we’ve lost can help channel our grief into something meaningful. This could be through storytelling, creating art, or participating in activities they loved.

Coping with Grief

As we navigate the personal journey of grief, it’s essential to equip ourselves with tools for coping. Here are some strategies that may help:

  1. Allow Yourself to Feel: Give yourself permission to experience all emotions that arise without judgment. Grief is not something to “get over” but something to honor.
  2. Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Whether through friends, family, or support groups, connecting with others who understand can be immensely comforting.
  3. Express Yourself: Writing, art, and other forms of expression can provide an outlet for your feelings. Journaling about your experience can help you process your emotions.
  4. Practice Self-Care: Grieving can be exhausting. Prioritize self-care through rest, nutrition, and activities that bring you joy or solace.
  5. Consider Professional Help: If grief feels overwhelming, seeking the guidance of a therapist can provide valuable support and coping strategies.

That’s not all folks:

Grief is a complex and deeply personal journey that requires patience and compassion. It is a lifelong process, interwoven with love and memory. Acknowledging that the greater the grief, the greater the love can help us embrace our experiences, honor those we’ve lost, and ultimately find a way to carry their legacy forward in our lives. Remember, you are not alone in this journey; your path is uniquely yours, and it’s okay to take the time you need to heal.

The personal part:

Keeping all of the above in mind, I have become very familiar with grief. It is a personal companion and has been with me since I was 11 years old. My only living grandparent died, my Granny, she was just the best towards me. And she impacted my life in so many ways, from “not sweeping through the middle” to “I love you a bushel and a peck,” helping me count to 100, taking rides through the countryside and everything in between. This is not to discount the losses that followed. It just compounds the grief; I still miss them and all of my other loved ones who are no longer here with me. The grief can be heavy some days. In the beginning, the initial shock, it is kind of easy. Easy, in that no one expects much from you in the beginning. You have the sympathy of everyone around you for your loss, but then it fades. You have to continue to go to work, do laundry, grocery shop, and with each of these tasks you are still very aware that the world you knew has changed forever. But the world keeps spinning even while you are in the throes of grief, life goes on, work still has to be done, bills paid. The routine soothes you a little bit, trying to keep things “normal” while you process what it is that has this grip on you. 

The holidays are always the hardest after a loss. Whether it be a birthday, anniversary or the holiday season following Halloween, they can all be hard. You can honor your loved ones and keep the same traditions, it may feel hollow at first, but there will be new meaning in them. This year I am not only facing the holidays without my parents but without 2 members of my village that always helped to pull me back from the brink when things got rough. I didn’t expect to have to traverse life and grief in losing friends that had become family. Losing the sister from another mister, my daily check in text or call, Audra could make me absolutely crazy with some of her theories but at our hearts we both enjoyed food and flavors and cultures and we raised our babies together. We made last minute poodle skirts together. She helped me expand my horizons. We valued critical thinking and doing what’s best for ourselves even if others didn’t understand. She helped me to embrace who I am. Now our youngest babies are freshmen in high school and she isn’t here to navigate this part. Some days are better than others and I think of her adult children each day. I think of her husband, left behind with a teen boy to raise without his mom. I digress. These things are all part of my daily existence. 

But in learning to let go, it is especially poignant in the fall. In the fall, trees lose their leaves, as they continue to grow. They become a shell of themselves, but we know that in the spring they sprout new leaves. I am taking a lesson from the trees this year. I am going to let go of things, it is hard work, but it is important work. I am going to let go of the past. I am going to cherish memories of loved ones and prepare myself to move forward in this new existence. I will remember each of them in different ways and on different days, but in letting go of how I thought life would be, I am freeing myself of the immense weight that grief can bear down on me. I will keep old traditions that still serve me and maybe create new ones to celebrate this new chapter of life. I didn’t plan for this journey of grief; I don’t think you can. What you can do is appreciate the time that you have and make the minutes count.

Love and light y’all, it can get dark out there. 

More about me and where I am headed…

by Mothersense, posted in This Life

Finding Opportunity Amid Grief and Financial Concerns

Life has a way of throwing curveballs when we least expect it. Lately, I’ve been navigating a landscape filled with grief and financial uncertainties. It’s a heavy load, and some days it feels overwhelming. But through this challenging period, I’ve started to explore new avenues to not only cope but to thrive.

Embracing Grief and Finding Strength

Grief can be a solitary journey, yet it can also be a catalyst for growth. As I process my feelings of the loss of both people and a career that I worked really hard to get into, I’ve realized the importance of channeling my energy into productive outlets. Writing has become my refuge—a way to express what I’m going through and connect with others who may feel the same.

Financial Concerns: A Wake-Up Call

Alongside my emotional struggles, financial concerns have crept in. Unexpected expenses and a tightening budget have pushed me to rethink my income sources. In this age of digital opportunities, I’ve discovered that there are several ways to generate income that align with my passions and skills.

Diving into Blogging and Copywriting

One avenue I’ve explored is blogging. Sharing my experiences not only helps me process my grief, but it also allows me to connect with a broader audience. Through my blog, I’m able to share insights, stories, and resources that others might find valuable.

I’m also diving into copywriting. The ability to craft compelling narratives and persuasive content can be a lucrative skill, especially as businesses are constantly looking for fresh ways to engage their audiences.

Proofreading: A Detail-Oriented Path

With an eye for detail, proofreading has become another potential income stream. Many writers and businesses seek out proofreaders to polish their work, and I’ve found that this skill can be both rewarding and flexible.

Cooking Up a New Project: A Cookbook

In addition to writing, I’ve always had a passion for cooking. As I’ve spent more time in the kitchen, I’ve been inspired to create a cookbook. Combining personal stories with recipes can be a beautiful way to share my journey and offer something meaningful to others.

Partnering with Primerica

Finally, I’ve recently partnered with Primerica, a company that offers financial services and education. This opportunity not only aligns with my goal of improving my financial literacy but also allows me to help others in their financial journeys. It’s a fulfilling way to turn my financial concerns into proactive solutions.

Connecting with Amazon Affiliate Links

As I embark on these ventures, I’ve also started utilizing Amazon affiliate links on my blog. Whether I’m sharing my favorite kitchen gadgets for the cookbook or recommending books that have helped me through tough times, this can be a great way to earn some extra income while providing value to my readers.

Moving Forward

While grief and financial worries can feel consuming, I’ve found that by leaning into my passions and exploring new income streams, I can create a brighter path forward. Each step—whether it’s blogging, copywriting, or working on my cookbook—feels like a small victory. I’m learning to embrace this journey, and I hope to inspire others to find their own paths through adversity.

If you’re interested in supporting my journey or exploring some of my recommended products, check out the links that I will be posting on my blog. There is also an Etsy shop, TikTok and Instagram pages for content related to mental health and navigating life. Look for Mothersenseshop on social media and of course I will be getting all of the links posted here soon. Together, we can maneuver through these challenges and discover new opportunities for growth. As always, love and light y’all, we can do this!

Navigating Life’s Uncharted Waters

by Mothersense, posted in This Life

A journey through grief

Life has a way of teaching us profound lessons, often through experiences we never anticipated. As a mom who has navigated the tumultuous waters of grief after losing both parents, my beloved Uncle John, former in-laws, and numerous close friends, I’ve come to understand that while the journey is deeply personal, it is also one that connects us to each other in ways we might not always recognize. Today, I want to share my story, not as a means of seeking sympathy, but to offer a beacon of hope and understanding for those who might be walking a similar path. And grief is a very personal journey and no two paths are the same, please know you are not alone.

The Weight of Loss

Losing my parents was like losing the anchors that held my world steady. They were my guiding stars, my sources of unwavering support, and the keepers of family traditions. Their absence created a void that felt insurmountable. I remember the days following their passing as a blur of grief and disbelief, a cacophony of emotions that seemed too vast for words. And still I don’t feel like words can accurately describe the first few months after we lost my Daddy and Mom.

While still grieving my Uncle John and parents who were so much a part of our daily lives; we also experienced the loss of close friends, and my former in-laws. It all seemed too much, like another wave crashing against my already fragile heart. Each person’s departure brought with it its own kind of pain—a different shade of grief, yet part of a larger tapestry of loss. These were people who had walked with me through various chapters of my life, sharing laughter, tears, and countless memories. Their absence was a reminder of the impermanence of life and the unpredictability of our journeys.

Finding Strength in Vulnerability

Grief is often portrayed as a linear process, but in reality, it’s more like a swirling dance with no clear steps. At first, I sought to shield myself from the raw pain, to put on a brave face for my children and keep life as normal as possible. But eventually, I realized that embracing my vulnerability was not a sign of weakness but a source of strength. Allowing myself to grieve openly meant accepting that my feelings were valid and that it was okay to not have all the answers.

Being honest with my children about our losses was one of the hardest yet most liberating things I did. We talked about their grandparents, uncles, and my friends in ways that honored their memories while allowing us to express our sadness. It became a shared experience, one that, while painful, also brought us closer. Through these conversations, I learned that grief does not need to be a solitary journey; it can be something that unites us.

Creating New Traditions

One of the most healing things for me has been creating new traditions that honor those I’ve lost. It started with small gestures—lighting a candle in their memory on significant dates, creating bouquets for their graves, sharing stories about them during family gatherings, and visiting places that held special significance. Over time, these traditions have evolved into a way of keeping their spirit alive, blending their memory into our everyday lives. As I have one daughter planning a wedding, she will be certain to honor her grandparents and perhaps even her honorary aunt Audra in her upcoming wedding ceremony. This is how we move on. We are forever altered by the loss, but we keep the memories in our hearts, so our loved ones are ever present.

As a family, we began to find joy in creating new memories while still cherishing the old ones. We celebrated our milestones with an appreciation for the past and a renewed hope for the future. One daughter’s graduation was especially poignant, her aunt brought a rose for each grandparent who was missing. It was a way of acknowledging that while the pain of loss is profound, it does not have to overshadow the beauty of living. We celebrated and had a party and there were smiles and laughter and it was good. 

Embracing the Journey Forward

Grief is a lifelong companion, but it doesn’t have to define us. It’s a part of my story, but it’s not the whole story. I’ve learned that healing doesn’t mean forgetting, but rather finding a new way to live with the love and memories of those who have passed. It means allowing myself to experience joy again and to continue moving forward with a heart that has been forever touched by those who are no longer here.

 I recently watched the episode of NCIS where “Ducky” passed away, and although he was old and it was his time, the loss still hurt. Director Vance shared a piece of wisdom with the team that Dr. Mallard had shared with Vance upon his wife’s death, We each die two deaths, one where our body gives out and the other when our stories stop being shared. Profound words to share with those experiencing loss. Don’t stop sharing the stories. It keeps them alive in our memories and even though their physical presence is gone, they do not have to be. 

In my journey, I’ve found solace in connecting with others who have experienced similar losses. It’s through these shared experiences that we find understanding and support. We each have our own paths, but the connections we forge with others who have walked similar roads can be profoundly comforting.

A Message of Hope

If you are navigating the challenging waters of grief, know that you are not alone. Your feelings are valid, and your journey is uniquely yours. Embrace the love and memories of those you’ve lost while allowing yourself the grace to live and find joy again. Grief may change you, but it doesn’t have to diminish your capacity to love and find happiness.

In the end, life’s greatest gift is our ability to love deeply and to be loved in return. Even in the face of loss, the bonds we create and the memories we cherish become a source of strength. As a mom who has felt the weight of grief, I hold onto this truth: that the love we share with those who have left us continues to guide and uplift us through every step of our journey.

In loving memory of so many I have lost over the years, but especially:

Sandi Rene Marbut July 1993

Ila Kilcrease July 1987

John Henry Eaves June 2019

Sharena Kay Lovett May 2020

Rufus Oran Kilcrease October 2020

Emeline Marie Kilcrease November 2020

Deborah Kay Nelson April 2023

Garry Paul Roeber May 2023

Audra Marie Talley March 2024

Marcey Elaine Riley May 2024

September – A personal Story

by Mothersense, posted in This Life

Suicide Awareness Month

Here we are smack dab in the middle of September!! Here in Texas the weather is starting to change, but we know it’s just a false fall, so we hold out for the real thing. It will be here before you know it. Today the sun shone through my blinds in my bedroom creating an effect that was ethereal. I figure it was time to post one of our stories.

Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month– who is not aware of suicide? We know it happens. We know someone who has attempted. We may even know someone who succumbed to their struggle. I am a mother of adult children who attempted suicide in adolescence. Let’s have that conversation. But, before I get too deep into this conversation, please be advised it might be triggering, or it may be healing. My child has given me permission to speak about their struggles with mental health because they want to try to get rid of the stigma. They believe we HAVE to talk about it or it gets ignored and ignoring leads to so many bad outcomes. 

I could begin with explaining that they have diagnoses as far back as the 5th grade. They struggled with social cues, bullying, mood swings, meltdowns, overstimulation and so much more. School was hard for them. Kids can be cruel and for a child that felt that everyone that smiled to their face was their friend, the reality was hard to digest. They felt betrayed, and I was Momma Bear and giving the school what for trying to protect my baby. I felt the school was not doing enough to stop the bullying so I took it to the parents. The results were mixed, from “boys will be boys” to “my child would never” I got to hear all of the excuses for these children being mean spirited and discovered that they had learned the behavior at home, from their families. That broke my heart too. These were what I believed to be good people and their children were essentially torturing my child in school and no one would do anything to stop it.

 So to save them the grief, I took a proactive approach,I pulled them from public school towards the end of 5th grade and sent them to a day program in a mental health facility. The idea was that I know being a teen is tough enough. Add in the mental health struggles they were already facing; I wanted them to have an arsenal of coping strategies to face those difficult years. It worked for a while. They were homeschooled, partly because of the struggles, partly because there were so many appointments to keep. We had to see a psychiatrist for prescriptions for anxiety and ADHD, a neurologist for the migraines and abdominal migraines, gastroenterology for GERD, the PCP for basic check ups and bloodwork. There was also cognitive behavioral therapy to work in conjunction with the medications for getting through everything from house fire trauma to basic meltdowns due to overstimulation. 

It was so much at times, and keep in mind while they were going through this there were 4 other children with their own needs that had to be met and soccer, football, band, church, 4-H, FFA, and just life in general. I didn’t sleep much while they went through all of this, typically 4 hours or so each night. I got through on caffeine and adrenaline I suppose. Looking back there is so much of it a blur for them. They don’t remember certain things with much clarity when I ask, but other things they remember with perfect clarity. I think we were both in some sort of survival mode.

And then came 2016. It all caught up to everyone. My husband at the time had given up hope on ever getting better, he refused to attend any further physical therapy. He told me that he “couldn’t afford to get better.” I lost it. I decided right then and there that my children deserved better, that I deserved better and if he wasn’t going to work on being better; he needed to leave. He left and really never looked back.

Cue returning the kids to public school. By this point they were a freshman, the older two had moved out of our home. The oldest son was in Lubbock with his girl-friend and my oldest daughter had decided to move to Kansas with her aunt. 

The struggles were almost immediate, they tried to jump from the mezzanine at the school. Police and school counselor insisted that they be placed in a mental health facility. It was hard, they were locked up away from us and the doctors switched up meds and had them in group therapy. It helped for a little while but about 6 months later, it happens again, another facility and again roughly six months after that. In September 2019, my beautiful, loving, sweet, intuitive, kind “child” (they were over 18 at this point), dissolved the psychiatric meds in a glass of water. They drank that water, behaved as though everything was normal, announced they were going to get in the shower and walked through the house. A few minutes later they are screaming “Mommy” and they are laying in the tub telling me they don’t want to die. 911 is called. While waiting for them to arrive, their sister and I attempt to at least get them out of the tub and a t-shirt and shorts on them. The paramedics secure their airway and by the time they are wheeled out on a gurney, they are completely unconscious. 4 days. 4 days sitting by their bedside while they are unconscious, while the meds work their way out of their system and medical staff ensure that medically they are stable. They survived. They went through this and came out the other side. It changed everything for us. 

We learned through their recovery from this near death experience that they didn’t really want to die. They wanted to stop suffering from mental illness. They wanted the hurting to stop. They wanted to be “normal.” They learned that normal is just a setting on a washing machine. We learned not to take 1 single second of this precious life for granted. They learned to embrace their differences and find their village of people. We became part of that village, but let go of the idea that WE were the only ones in that village. Letting go of the baggage of the past, moving forward into better things for us all. 

We learned so much in this season and we are all the better for it. Letting go is still the hard part. They had to figure some things out for themselves, and it hurt to watch. But they had to learn in their own way, in their own time. I couldn’t protect them forever as much as I would have liked to do that, it just wasn’t possible. They wasted time and energy and LOVE on the wrong people, but it made them appreciate the people who have always been there. The people who didn’t waver in their love and support. 

We survived that September and all of the months thereafter, learning as we go and learning to let go. 

Yes September is suicide awareness month, but for us it is every month. Although they have been true to their word and they have not made another attempt to end things, the struggle didn’t end. They still need support. There are still bad days, bad weeks even. We just handle them better; we use our coping skills. They take a walk, take a shower, eat a favorite meal. All of these things, these coping skills they have acquired, reminds them that they do actually enjoy being alive. They traveled to Canada; they have taken road trips with friends. They are currently travelling with their significant other, who is a kind and compassionate person. They are exploring the world around them and taking care of themselves, I never thought I would see this day!! They have learned to embrace themselves and the struggle, but not let the struggles keep them down. They got THAT from their Memaw! And Memaw would be proud!

If you are struggling or feel overwhelmed:

Crisis line 988 text or call

Crisis Text   HELLO to 741741

For teens: Text teen2teen to 839863, or call 1-877-968-8491

National Domestic Violence Hotline: Text “START” to 88788 or call 1-800-799-7233