Category: Mental Health Recovery, Reclamation

Starting the year right

by Mothersense, posted in Mental Health Recovery, Reclamation

Start the Year Right: A Financial Check-Up and Planning for the Unexpected

As January is flying by, it’s a great time to hit the refresh button on many aspects of your life—your finances included. While it’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of New Year’s resolutions and personal goals, one of the most important things you can do at the start of the year is ensure that your financial and legal documents are in order. Doing a financial check-up and reviewing critical documents may not be the most thrilling task, but it can save your family from unnecessary stress and confusion should something happen to you or your spouse.

1. Perform a Financial Check-Up

Start by reviewing your financial situation:

  • Review your budget and spending habits: Are you living within your means? Have your financial goals changed? It’s important to adjust your budget to reflect your current priorities, whether that’s saving for a major purchase, paying off debt, or investing in retirement.
  • Check your credit report: Get a copy of your credit report to ensure there are no errors or signs of identity theft. Correcting mistakes early can save you a lot of headaches down the line.
  • Evaluate your emergency savings: Ideally, you should have 3-6 months of living expenses saved up in case of unexpected emergencies. If this isn’t the case, make it a priority this year to build or replenish your emergency fund.
  • Revisit retirement and investment accounts: Check in on the performance of your retirement accounts and investment portfolios. Make sure your contributions align with your goals and, if necessary, adjust your asset allocation based on your risk tolerance and time horizon.

2. Update Your Will and Trust

Many people put off creating a will or updating it because it can feel morbid or overwhelming. However, it’s a crucial step in ensuring your assets are distributed according to your wishes and that your family members are taken care of. If your circumstances have changed—perhaps you’ve acquired new assets, had a child, or experienced a life event like a marriage or divorce—be sure to revise your will to reflect these changes. You may also want to consider setting up a trust to avoid probate and streamline the transfer of assets.

3. Review Beneficiaries for Insurance and Bank Accounts

It’s not uncommon for people to forget to update their beneficiary designations on life insurance policies, retirement accounts (like 401(k)s or IRAs), and even bank accounts. If you’ve had any life changes—such as a marriage, divorce, or the birth of a child—this should be a top priority. Ensure that the beneficiaries listed reflect your current wishes and that your loved ones will be taken care of in the event of your death.

4. Set Up Power of Attorney

A Power of Attorney (POA) is a legal document that designates someone to make financial decisions on your behalf if you’re unable to do so yourself due to illness, injury, or incapacitation. Having a trusted person in place who can handle financial matters for you is essential to ensure your financial obligations are met during a difficult time. You can also set up a Healthcare Power of Attorney to appoint someone to make medical decisions on your behalf if you’re unable to communicate those decisions yourself.

5. Create Advance Directives

An advance directive (also known as a living will) outlines your preferences for medical care should you be in a position where you cannot express your wishes. This can include instructions for life-sustaining treatment, organ donation, and other aspects of end-of-life care. Many people shy away from thinking about these situations, but having clear, legally recognized instructions can relieve your loved ones of difficult decisions during emotionally charged times. Make sure your advance directives are signed, dated, and stored in a place where your family can easily access them.

6. Organize Your Documents and Make Things Easy for Your Family

Beyond the legal documents and financial accounts, consider organizing important information for your family. Create a document or folder where you record all necessary details about your accounts, passwords, insurance policies, and any other key information that your family members may need in the event of an emergency or your passing. Include things like:

  • Where you keep physical documents
  • Account numbers, login details, and passwords (using a password manager is a secure option)
  • Insurance policies, including life, home, auto, and health
  • Contact information for professionals (lawyers, accountants, financial advisors)

While it might seem like a lot of work upfront, taking the time to get your affairs in order now can provide peace of mind for both you and your loved ones.

7. Talk to Your Family About Your Wishes

Beyond the paperwork, it’s crucial to have an open and honest conversation with your family about your wishes. This includes discussing things like your preferences for healthcare, your end-of-life care decisions (such as a Do Not Resuscitate or DNR order), and what you want to happen with your possessions. While it may feel uncomfortable, leaving these things unspoken can lead to confusion, stress, and even family conflict when emotions run high.

The Importance of Doing the Work

It may seem daunting to go through this process, but it’s far better to address these matters now than leave your family to guess your intentions. If you were to fall ill or unexpectedly pass away, having these legal and financial arrangements in place would ensure that your family isn’t left scrambling, unsure of your wishes, or dealing with unnecessary administrative headaches. It’s not about being morbid—it’s about being proactive and ensuring that your loved ones have clarity and peace of mind when they need it most.

This year, make it a priority to set aside time for your financial and legal check-up. You’ll feel better knowing that you’ve taken steps to protect your family and their future.

To love a man

by Mothersense, posted in Mental Health Recovery, Reclamation, This Life

November: Men’s Mental Health Month – Breaking the Stigma

November is not just a month for reflection on the changing seasons or the coming holidays. It’s also a time to highlight a critical yet often overlooked issue: Men’s Mental Health. As we approach this month, we should take a moment to examine the pressures that men face, the stigma surrounding mental health, and how we can help break down the barriers to healing.

For many men, mental health struggles are often seen as a sign of weakness—something to be ashamed of. This is especially true in a society where traditional masculinity often discourages vulnerability and emotional expression. Yet, it’s essential to understand that mental health doesn’t discriminate; it affects us all, regardless of gender.

This issue hits particularly close to home for me, as my own husband has shared something deeply troubling. He drives an 18-wheeler for work and has confided in me that he lives with the constant fear of killing someone while driving. The thought of that horrific scene haunts him, knowing he would have to live with the aftermath. This is just one example of the mental struggles men face, yet it’s a conversation too often left in the shadows.

The Stigma Men Face

For many men, asking for help is a monumental task. Society has conditioned them to be strong, stoic, and self-reliant. This can make it incredibly difficult for them to open up about their mental health struggles. Unfortunately, this leads to an overwhelming number of men suffering in silence, trapped in a cycle of shame, isolation, and fear.

When men do express their emotions, it’s often misinterpreted as anger. This is not a flaw or a sign of aggression—it’s simply a way for many men to mask their vulnerability. The truth is, anger is sometimes the only emotion men feel safe enough to express. Behind that anger, there’s often fear, sadness, guilt, and anxiety.

But it’s time for change. It’s time to break down the stigma surrounding men’s mental health and create an environment where they feel safe to ask for help, express themselves, and receive the care they need.

How to Help Men Cope

If you know a man who is struggling, or if you are a man facing mental health challenges, there are ways to begin coping—even if a therapist is not immediately accessible. It’s important to remember that reaching out for help doesn’t always have to be through professional therapy; sometimes, just taking the first small steps can make a world of difference.

  1. Encourage Open Conversations
    Create a safe space for men to talk without judgment. Let them know that it’s okay to not be okay, and it’s okay to talk about feelings. Ask open-ended questions and allow them the time and space to respond without pressure. Sometimes just saying, “I’m here for you,” can mean more than we realize.
  2. Normalize Vulnerability
    Remind them that being vulnerable is not a sign of weakness; it’s an act of strength. Show them that vulnerability is human, and it’s part of being a whole person. Help them understand that seeking help and being open with emotions is not only okay—it’s necessary.
  3. Promote Healthy Coping Mechanisms
    Encourage activities that can help men cope with their emotions in a healthy way. Whether it’s exercise, journaling, spending time outdoors, or taking up a hobby, these activities can provide a sense of purpose and relief. Encouraging them to take time for themselves is crucial for mental health.
  4. Create a Routine
    Having a sense of structure can help manage anxiety and stress. Encouraging daily routines, even small ones like taking a walk or making time for a favorite activity, can help restore a sense of normalcy and control.
  5. Take It One Step at a Time
    If a man feels overwhelmed by the thought of seeking professional help, start small. Begin with small steps like confiding in a friend or loved one, journaling, or reading about mental health. Sometimes, just acknowledging the issue is the first step toward healing.
  6. Encourage Connection
    One of the most important ways to help is through connection. Encourage men to spend time with friends, family, or loved ones who understand them. Social support is vital, and knowing they aren’t alone can ease the weight of their struggles.
  7. Be Patient
    Men, particularly those who struggle with opening up, may take time to feel comfortable with their emotions. Patience is key. Let them know you’re there for them, no matter how long it takes for them to open up.

For the Loved Ones of Men Struggling with Mental Health

As someone who loves a man dealing with mental health struggles, you play a critical role in his healing process. You may not have all the answers, and that’s okay. What’s most important is showing support, patience, and understanding.

When men aren’t ready to seek therapy, make sure they know you’re there to listen, without judgment or offering solutions unless they ask. Sometimes, just being present can provide the comfort they need to begin the healing process.

To wrap it up for you:

November is Men’s Mental Health Month, a time to reflect on how we can be more supportive of the men in our lives who are struggling. It’s essential to acknowledge the unique pressures men face and help break down the stigma of seeking help.

If you are a man reading this, know that it’s okay to not have everything figured out. It’s okay to ask for help, to lean on others, and to take small steps toward healing. And if you love a man who is struggling, remember that your compassion, patience, and support can make all the difference in the world.

Together, we can create a future where mental health is no longer a taboo subject and where men feel safe, loved, and supported on their journey toward emotional well-being.

Chronic Pain is a Mother…

by Mothersense, posted in Always my babies, Mental Health Recovery, Reclamation

Exploring Chronic Pain

Chronic pain is a complex and often debilitating condition affecting millions of people worldwide. It can stem from a variety of causes, including injury, illness, or underlying medical conditions such as arthritis, fibromyalgia, neuropathy, and migraines. While narcotic pain relievers can provide temporary relief, they are not always a sustainable or desirable long-term solution. Many individuals seek alternative treatments to manage their pain more effectively and improve their quality of life. 

If you have read my much older blogs you may know that my ex husband suffered from chronic pain with no known cause. Still to this day I suppose he continues to suffer, but this was my first foray into chronic pain. My second was for myself, last year I suffered a head injury which led to a concussion and post concussion syndrome. Now I live with migraines to which the likes I had never before experienced. Thanks to modern medicine, I can now take a prescription to keep my migraine days down to maybe once a month. The sad part is that it took almost a year of tests and numerous visits with a primary care doctor and neurologist. Many of you may not have the privilege of seeking such medical care and even if you can you may not know what other things might help and what questions to ask the doctors for relief. 

Understanding Chronic Pain Conditions

Chronic pain can manifest in numerous ways, including:

 **Arthritis**: Inflammation in the joints causing stiffness and pain.

 **Fibromyalgia**: Widespread pain, fatigue, and cognitive difficulties.

 **Neuropathic Pain**: Nerve damage leading to shooting or burning pain.

 **Migraines**: Severe headaches often accompanied by nausea and sensitivity to light.

Recognizing the specific type of pain is crucial for effective management, as each condition may respond differently to treatment approaches. Healthcare providers try to stay away from prescribing narcotic medications not only because of addiction but because without realizing it, your body can become dependent. I use the words addiction and dependency to describe different conditions. For me addiction is more of  psychological need accompanied with a physical need to take the medication and dependency is when your body will absolutely go haywire if you choose to stop taking it. Withdrawal in either case is really far more unpleasant and can be harmful for the chronic pain sufferer. This is why I encourage talking to your doctor about medications, supplements and other treatments to come up with a unique treatment plan for your particular pain.

Alternative Treatments for Chronic Pain

1. **Nutritional Supplements**: Certain supplements can help alleviate pain and reduce inflammation:

   – **Omega-3 Fatty Acids**: Found in fish oil, these can help decrease inflammation and improve joint health. You can use supplements or add more fish in your diet, but be sure to read the labels. 

   – **Turmeric**: Contains curcumin, which has anti-inflammatory properties. My nephew uses this for his aches and pains as an installation technician. He is 39 now and his body isn’t moving along so well with all of the repetitive use. 

   – **Magnesium**: May reduce muscle tension and help with nerve pain. I use a magnesium spray that I bought locally. You can also find it on Amazon. 

   – **Glucosamine and Chondroitin**: Often used for joint pain and osteoarthritis. My Dad swore by this combo in helping with his knee pain. 

2. **Mind-Body Techniques**: Practices such as meditation, yoga, and tai chi can promote relaxation and help manage pain through mindfulness and gentle movement. Movement as I have said in previous posts is lubrication, do what you can. Some days will be better than others as always and don’t over-do it, but always try to get a few minutes in daily. 

3. **Physical Therapy**: Tailored exercises can strengthen muscles, improve flexibility, and reduce pain over time. A physical therapist can design a program that aligns with an individual’s specific needs. 

4. **Acupuncture**: This traditional Chinese medicine practice involves inserting needles into specific points to relieve pain and promote healing.

5. **Massage Therapy**: Therapeutic massage can alleviate muscle tension and improve circulation, providing relief for many chronic pain sufferers.

6. **Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)**: This psychological approach helps individuals change their perception of pain and develop coping strategies to manage it effectively.

Activities to Consider

Engaging in gentle physical activities can be beneficial. While it may seem counterintuitive to move when in pain, low-impact exercises like swimming, walking, or cycling can boost endorphin levels, which are natural pain relievers. Additionally, hobbies that promote relaxation, such as painting or gardening, can provide a mental escape and reduce stress.

The Role of Sleep in Pain Management

For many chronic pain sufferers, sleep is often the only respite from their discomfort. However, pain can significantly disrupt sleep patterns, leading to a vicious cycle of fatigue and heightened pain sensitivity. Establishing a calming bedtime routine, creating a comfortable sleep environment, and considering sleep aids—whether natural (like melatonin) or through behavioral adjustments—can help improve sleep quality.

Coping Without Narcotics

While narcotics can be effective for some, they come with risks of dependency and side effects that can be just as debilitating as the pain. Here are strategies to cope without relying solely on narcotics:

 **Stay Informed**: Understand your condition and treatment options. Knowledge empowers you to make informed choices about your care. If you think something might help, bring it up with your healthcare provider. 

 **Support Networks**: Connect with others who understand chronic pain. Support groups, whether in-person or online, can offer encouragement and shared experiences. Facebook, Discord, and What’s app, Reddit do have group options where you can find others who are facing your struggles. 

 **Integrate Therapies**: Many alternative treatments can work in conjunction with prescribed medications. Always consult your healthcare provider before adding new therapies to your routine. When you are transparent with your provider about your pain and that you are willing to explore options besides prescription medication you may get better results from them. I know my neurologist placed a sign in his lobby that he does not prescribe narcotics at all. I suppose that keeps any pill seekers from his office, but he is clear about it up front. The medical community is beginning to embrace holistic medicine and hopefully more providers will look to treat a whole person and not just a set of symptoms . 

Wrapping it up for you: 

Living with chronic pain can be challenging, but exploring alternative treatments and making lifestyle adjustments can lead to significant improvements in quality of life. A comprehensive approach that includes nutritional supplements, physical activities, and mind-body techniques can help alleviate pain and enhance overall well-being. Remember, it’s essential to consult with a healthcare professional before making any changes to your treatment plan. Each person’s experience with pain is unique, and finding the right combination of strategies can lead to a more manageable and fulfilling life. I hope this information gives you a starting point in finding more pain free days. 

Out of my head: Cooking

by Mothersense, posted in Food Stuffs - Recipes, Mental Health Recovery, Reclamation

Getting it out of my head: Connecting while cooking

I have been working on getting my recipes out of my head and onto paper. This requires a type of skill that is somewhat foreign to me. I know what to do and how much to add by habit, by reflex even, not by measurement. How do I get the crust of my Lemon Delight just thin enough? I just do. No really, it takes patience and practice to get that little ball of dough flattened out just right to serve as the crust at the bottom of a family favorite dessert. I have to examine whether or not to use the grated frozen butter in my biscuits or if they are good enough just as drop biscuits or pat them out and cut them… Should I share that sometimes I use tarragon in my chicken broth and sometimes I don’t? Do I include it in the recipe if I don’t always use it? It is a labor of love to get my cooking and baking knowledge out of my head and onto paper. I then wondered why I enjoy cooking for people so much. Because I do love to cook and bake. I also had a student ask me once why I didn’t open a restaurant. I think I couldn’t open a restaurant because then the cooking and baking would be an obligation and maybe I wouldn’t love it so much. I don’t ever want to stop loving the cooking and baking that I do for my loved ones. I think that is the secret ingredient in all of my recipes, LOVE. I learned that too, from my Granny and my Mom, and even my Dad the few times he made friend eggs, sausage, gravy and biscuits for breakfast. I’ll get the measurements down eventually. Until then, the following are some thoughts about cooking and why we can use it to connect, especially with the weather getting colder and the holiday season upon us.

Why We Enjoy and Connect with Cooking So Much

Cooking is more than just a means to feed ourselves; it’s a rich tapestry of culture, emotion, and creativity. Whether we’re flipping pancakes on a Sunday morning, crafting a complex dinner for friends, or baking cookies on a rainy afternoon, the act of cooking resonates deeply within us. But what is it about cooking that captivates so many? Let’s explore the reasons behind our love for this age-old practice.

1. Creativity and Self-Expression

At its core, cooking is an art form. It invites us to express ourselves through the colors, flavors, and textures we combine. Each dish we create tells a story, reflecting our preferences, experiences, and even our moods. From experimenting with spices to plating a dish beautifully, cooking allows us to unleash our creativity and try something new. The kitchen becomes our canvas, and the ingredients are our paints.

2. Connection to Culture and Tradition

Food is deeply intertwined with culture and history. Recipes are often passed down through generations, carrying with them the memories and traditions of our families. Cooking traditional dishes can be a way to connect with our heritage, celebrate our roots, and share these experiences with others. This sense of connection can be profoundly comforting, reminding us of home, family gatherings, and shared celebrations.

3. Mindfulness and Presence

In a fast-paced world filled with distractions, cooking offers a chance to slow down and be present. The process of chopping vegetables, stirring a pot, or kneading dough engages our senses and demands our attention. This mindfulness can be therapeutic, providing a break from daily stresses and allowing us to focus on the moment. The rhythmic motions of cooking can create a sense of calm, turning a mundane task into a meditative practice.

4. Nourishment and Care

Cooking is an act of nourishment—not just for ourselves but for others as well. Preparing a meal can be a way to show love and care for those around us. Whether it’s a family dinner, a potluck with friends, or a meal for someone in need, cooking allows us to nurture relationships and foster connections. Sharing food is a universal gesture of hospitality and community, creating bonds that go beyond mere sustenance.

5. The Joy of Discovery

Each culinary endeavor is an opportunity for discovery. Trying out new ingredients, techniques, or cuisines can be an exciting adventure. Cooking teaches us about the world, as we explore different cultures through their food. It challenges our palates and expands our culinary horizons, encouraging us to be adventurous and embrace change. This joy of discovery keeps cooking fresh and exciting, always inviting us to learn more.

6. Sense of Accomplishment

There’s a unique satisfaction that comes from creating something from scratch. The aroma of a dish as it cooks, the beautiful presentation of a plated meal, and the smiles of those who enjoy it all contribute to a sense of accomplishment. Cooking can boost our confidence and reinforce our skills, reminding us that we have the power to create something delicious and meaningful.

7. Community and Togetherness

Cooking often brings people together. Whether we’re cooking with family, hosting a dinner party, or participating in a cooking class, the kitchen can be a gathering place. Sharing the experience of preparing a meal fosters communication, teamwork, and collaboration. These moments create lasting memories and strengthen our bonds with others.

Wrapping it up.

Cooking is a multifaceted experience that goes beyond just preparing food. It allows us to connect with ourselves, our culture, and our loved ones. Whether we’re seeking creativity, mindfulness, or a sense of accomplishment, cooking fulfills a deep human need for connection and expression. So, the next time you find yourself in the kitchen, take a moment to appreciate the joy and richness that cooking brings to your life. Embrace the process, savor the flavors, and celebrate the connections you create along the way. Happy cooking!

Roller-coaster—of LOVE!!

by Mothersense, posted in Mental Health Recovery, Reclamation

I know many of my posts lately have dealt with my husband and his lack of a diagnosis. That is hard y’all we are nearly a year into this struggle but that has put some of our other family struggles on a back burner so to speak. I have high lighted what we have gone through with the doctors and hospitals without really mentioning what the kids are dealing with on a daily. This week has been a doozy!!
Maybe you have read previous posts and you know that the dwellers in my household consist of 4 children and 2 adults – because oldest boy has gone to college and boomeranged back to live with my parents and my ‘nother daughter is off at college now. I home-school the remaining 4: 15 girl, 14 girl, 11 girl and 5 boy. Oh yes, you read that right I have 3 hormonal females in my house, besides me!! On top of that little bit of delightful oldest girl 15 – Squirrel,is dyslexic, asthmatic, and hates to write but loves to talk, my 14 year old Bug, has an alphabet of diagnoses that include autism and bi-polar disorder, 11 year old girl, Lala, has migraines, lots of allergies, and some serious issues with her jaw that we are working to correct, and then we have Bear and his energetic, charismatic, all boy, 5 year old self. That is about it in a nutshell. However we have had some serious head-butting going on this week!
I don’t know if it is the stars aligning or the cycle of the moon or the hormonal cycle but my precious precious Bug is having a really difficult time coping with every single thing. I am not saying she has not been taught tools, coping skills, time outs, etc, I am saying none of it seems to be enough!! So we have had numerous angry and emotional outbursts this week and they end in lots of tears and BIG BIG hugs!! I love her so much and it kills me to see her get like this, but it is to be expected. It is part and parcel of who she is and we love her through it, we let her know that her diagnosis is not an excuse to treat people badly. We let her know that we aren’t perfect either and we get through apologies. We let siblings know to be patient with her and love her and try to be tolerant of her sometimes annoying behaviors, like wanting to listen to the same song over and over and over again. The older girl gets it even though she sometimes forgets, younger girl gets it but sometimes it is scary, and Bear well he mostly goes with the flow right now. We foster love here, we want kids that will love an support one another no matter what and I think we are getting there.
If I learn anything from my Bug it is that she feels everything very deeply and she doesn’t regret it but I hope she learns from it all. I hope she learns from watching me. Sadness is ok to feel but you don’t have to stay there and dwell on what makes you sad. Anger is ok to feel too, feel it, and let it go because it will eat you alive. Love, oh LOVE!! Loving on people is so great at times, but then they disappoint because that is human, and then love hurts. Hurt is ok too, but not a place to stay, lick your wounds and move on. Happy is a good place to be, counting your blessings even in the face of adversity. Happy to have the chance to Live, Love, and Laugh another day. Happy to see others succeed in life, not to be envious of them but happy for them to be living their dream. I hope not only my sweet and precious Bug sees all of this in me but ALL of my children see the example I am trying to be.
I don’t give up because I realize who is watching. Love and Light readers!roller-coaster-2