Tag: motherhood

Navigating Life’s Uncharted Waters

by Mothersense, posted in Uncategorized

A journey through grief

Life has a way of teaching us profound lessons, often through experiences we never anticipated. As a mom who has navigated the tumultuous waters of grief after losing both parents, my beloved Uncle John, former in-laws, and numerous close friends, I’ve come to understand that while the journey is deeply personal, it is also one that connects us to each other in ways we might not always recognize. Today, I want to share my story, not as a means of seeking sympathy, but to offer a beacon of hope and understanding for those who might be walking a similar path. And grief is a very personal journey and no two paths are the same, please know you are not alone.

The Weight of Loss

Losing my parents was like losing the anchors that held my world steady. They were my guiding stars, my sources of unwavering support, and the keepers of family traditions. Their absence created a void that felt insurmountable. I remember the days following their passing as a blur of grief and disbelief, a cacophony of emotions that seemed too vast for words. And still I don’t feel like words can accurately describe the first few months after we lost my Daddy and Mom.

While still grieving my Uncle John and parents who were so much a part of our daily lives; we also experienced the loss of close friends, and my former in-laws. It all seemed too much, like another wave crashing against my already fragile heart. Each person’s departure brought with it its own kind of pain—a different shade of grief, yet part of a larger tapestry of loss. These were people who had walked with me through various chapters of my life, sharing laughter, tears, and countless memories. Their absence was a reminder of the impermanence of life and the unpredictability of our journeys.

Finding Strength in Vulnerability

Grief is often portrayed as a linear process, but in reality, it’s more like a swirling dance with no clear steps. At first, I sought to shield myself from the raw pain, to put on a brave face for my children and keep life as normal as possible. But eventually, I realized that embracing my vulnerability was not a sign of weakness but a source of strength. Allowing myself to grieve openly meant accepting that my feelings were valid and that it was okay to not have all the answers.

Being honest with my children about our losses was one of the hardest yet most liberating things I did. We talked about their grandparents, uncles, and my friends in ways that honored their memories while allowing us to express our sadness. It became a shared experience, one that, while painful, also brought us closer. Through these conversations, I learned that grief does not need to be a solitary journey; it can be something that unites us.

Creating New Traditions

One of the most healing things for me has been creating new traditions that honor those I’ve lost. It started with small gestures—lighting a candle in their memory on significant dates, creating bouquets for their graves, sharing stories about them during family gatherings, and visiting places that held special significance. Over time, these traditions have evolved into a way of keeping their spirit alive, blending their memory into our everyday lives. As I have one daughter planning a wedding, she will be certain to honor her grandparents and perhaps even her honorary aunt Audra in her upcoming wedding ceremony. This is how we move on. We are forever altered by the loss, but we keep the memories in our hearts, so our loved ones are ever present.

As a family, we began to find joy in creating new memories while still cherishing the old ones. We celebrated our milestones with an appreciation for the past and a renewed hope for the future. One daughter’s graduation was especially poignant, her aunt brought a rose for each grandparent who was missing. It was a way of acknowledging that while the pain of loss is profound, it does not have to overshadow the beauty of living. We celebrated and had a party and there were smiles and laughter and it was good. 

Embracing the Journey Forward

Grief is a lifelong companion, but it doesn’t have to define us. It’s a part of my story, but it’s not the whole story. I’ve learned that healing doesn’t mean forgetting, but rather finding a new way to live with the love and memories of those who have passed. It means allowing myself to experience joy again and to continue moving forward with a heart that has been forever touched by those who are no longer here.

 I recently watched the episode of NCIS where “Ducky” passed away, and although he was old and it was his time, the loss still hurt. Director Vance shared a piece of wisdom with the team that Dr. Mallard had shared with Vance upon his wife’s death, We each die two deaths, one where our body gives out and the other when our stories stop being shared. Profound words to share with those experiencing loss. Don’t stop sharing the stories. It keeps them alive in our memories and even though their physical presence is gone, they do not have to be. 

In my journey, I’ve found solace in connecting with others who have experienced similar losses. It’s through these shared experiences that we find understanding and support. We each have our own paths, but the connections we forge with others who have walked similar roads can be profoundly comforting.

A Message of Hope

If you are navigating the challenging waters of grief, know that you are not alone. Your feelings are valid, and your journey is uniquely yours. Embrace the love and memories of those you’ve lost while allowing yourself the grace to live and find joy again. Grief may change you, but it doesn’t have to diminish your capacity to love and find happiness.

In the end, life’s greatest gift is our ability to love deeply and to be loved in return. Even in the face of loss, the bonds we create and the memories we cherish become a source of strength. As a mom who has felt the weight of grief, I hold onto this truth: that the love we share with those who have left us continues to guide and uplift us through every step of our journey.

In loving memory of so many I have lost over the years, but especially:

Sandi Rene Marbut July 1993

Ila Kilcrease July 1987

John Henry Eaves June 2019

Sharena Kay Lovett May 2020

Rufus Oran Kilcrease October 2020

Emeline Marie Kilcrease November 2020

Deborah Kay Nelson April 2023

Garry Paul Roeber May 2023

Audra Marie Talley March 2024

Marcey Elaine Riley May 2024

We are what we eat…

by Mothersense, posted in Uncategorized

The Connection Between Food and Mental Health

As a 49-year-old mother of five, I’ve spent years juggling the chaos of family life, a career, and trying to stay healthy. Over time, I’ve learned that what I put on my plate does far more than just feed my body—it feeds my mind, too. Our daily diet plays an integral role in how we feel, think, and cope with the ups and downs of life. Here’s what I’ve discovered about the relationship between the food we eat and mental health, from my perspective as a busy mom navigating life’s many demands.

The Busy Mom Diet: When Convenience Comes First

Let’s face it—when you’re raising kids, and juggling their homework and activities, meal planning often takes a back seat to convenience. I’ve been there, reaching for quick fixes like processed snacks, fast food, and sugary treats just to get through the day. But as I hit my 40s, I began to notice that not only was my energy tanking, but my mood was all over the place. I felt anxious, irritable, and, honestly, a little down more often than I’d like to admit. 

It wasn’t just the physical toll of running a household; I began to suspect that my diet was playing a big role in how I was feeling mentally. And my doctor warned me that my A1C was putting me in a borderline state. I had to take a look at what I was eating and how it made me FEEL. This was my suspicion, what I was eating was affecting my mood swings and my sugar levels.

The Science Behind Food and Mood

It turns out, I wasn’t wrong. Research shows that the food we eat has a direct impact on our mental health. A diet high in processed foods, sugar, and unhealthy fats can increase the risk of depression, anxiety, and mood swings. In contrast, a balanced diet rich in whole foods—think fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and healthy fats—provides the brain with the nutrients it needs to function optimally.

Gut Health: The Second Brain

When the girls were playing soccer, one of the soccer parents introduced me to an idea about the gut-brain connection. Did you know that your gut is sometimes called your “second brain”? The gut is home to trillions of bacteria that help regulate not only digestion but also mood. These bacteria produce neurotransmitters like serotonin, the “feel-good” chemical that plays a key role in keeping our mood stable.

When I started focusing on feeding my gut with fiber-rich foods like fruits, vegetables, and whole grains, I noticed a significant improvement in my mood. I also incorporated shots of kefir sometimes to help the gut biome. Although it wasn’t overnight, a few weeks of eating more mindfully, I felt calmer, more focused, and better equipped to handle the stress of daily life. And sometimes we still ate processed foods, but I was more mindful of the fuel we were putting in our bodies. 

Sugar and Mental Health: A Love-Hate Relationship

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from raising kids and being around kids, it is that sugar is everywhere! It is the big ugly thing that hides in so many things we eat! It’s in snacks, drinks, and even foods we wouldn’t expect, like bread and sauces. For years, I leaned on sugary treats or sugary drinks with caffeine to get that quick energy boost, especially during the long days of parenting. But what I didn’t realize was how sugar affects mental health.

Sugar may give you an instant lift, but it’s followed by a crash that can leave you feeling irritable, tired, and foggy. Over time, these fluctuations in blood sugar can contribute to symptoms of anxiety and depression. Once I started cutting back on sugar and replacing it with healthier alternatives like fruits, nuts, and even dark chocolate (yes, I still need my treats!), I felt more balanced both mentally and physically.

Omega-3s: The Brain’s Best Friend

One dietary change that helped make a difference for me was incorporating more omega-3 fatty acids into my meals and snacks. These healthy fats, found in foods like salmon, chia seeds, and walnuts, are essential for brain health. Omega-3s help reduce inflammation in the brain and have been shown to reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety.

Making simple swaps—like adding a handful of walnuts or a tablespoon of chia seeds to my morning oatmeal or cooking salmon or making a salmon salad once a week started to become routine. And honestly, I could feel the change. My mind felt clearer, and I was able to manage stress in ways I hadn’t been able to before. I do not always keep all of these ingredients on hand, but I do notice the difference when I haven’t been keeping up with watching what I eat. I feel it and then remember to add them to the grocery list. This isn’t a passing “diet” it is just making small changes to give your body the fuel it needs to operate at its best and occasionally we lapse back into the bad eating habits. When you do that just course correct and begin again, it’s not a failure, just a backslide.

The Power of Routine and Self-Care

As a busy mom, balancing everything can be a challenge. I know that self-care often falls to the bottom of the to-do list. But I’ve learned that prioritizing what I eat is one of the most important forms of self-care I can practice. It doesn’t have to be complicated or time-consuming; even small changes can have a big impact.

I now make an effort to prepare balanced meals, drink plenty of water, and include foods that nourish both my body and mind. And if I am missing something I also take a multivitamin to try to keep my body functioning at its best. Eating regularly has kept my blood sugar stable, which has been a huge game-changer for my energy and mood. No more need for the snickers in the afternoons because I was getting “hangry.” I also snack on things that are better for me than a candy bar, maybe some almonds or sunflower seeds and dried cranberries, just enough to get me to dinner. You can do what works for you and your tastes, read the labels.

Setting an Example for My Kids

The absolute best motivator for me has been setting a good example for my children. I wanted them to understand that what they eat doesn’t just affect how they look or their physical health—it affects how they feel emotionally and mentally. Encouraging them to make healthy food choices and teaching them the importance of balance and moderation has always been a “thing” in this household. Sometimes my insistence that they give me two bites of anything I cooked led to them discovering that they actually did like the weird looking stuff or the green stuff. I really did raise some of the least picky eaters. 

Final Thoughts

At 49, I’m still learning, growing, and making changes to support my health and well-being. But one thing I know for sure is that the connection between food and mental health is real. As a mother, wife, and woman juggling many roles, the food I eat has become one of the most powerful tools I have to support my mental clarity, emotional balance, and overall happiness.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or just not yourself, take a look at what’s on your plate. It might be the key to feeling better, stronger, and more mentally resilient. Trust me—if this busy mom can do it, anyone can! If you need help with ideas or recipes to help do better, let me know. I have been there, it is a journey, and you are not alone!

Love and light, y’all! 

If you or someone you know is feeling overwhelmed Crisis help line: Call or Text 988

Real Talk Time – My Y Song

by Mothersense, posted in Uncategorized

Alright folks I dashed off about 300 words for y’all. That was hard!! I wanted to give you sooo much more because there is so much more going on here at 7R Round up!!!
Sparing you icky details of the last few months we have made little to no progress on a diagnosis for my husband. We know his back was the cause of the pain and may have been triggered by the surgery and having to take it easy. The doctor has said he may have MS or another neurological condition but that he needs surgery on his thoracic spine and possibly his lumbar later in life!! For now on that front we manage the pain let him do what he can, and pray for better news later. Kids are back on their homeschool lessons and we have added my little man to the mix learning as he goes and doing some more formal school work. Horses are doing well. Parents are getting older. Let’s move on to more interesting subjects. *winking* ME!!
Me personally- I am on a journey y’all. I am tired and feel so dad gum exhausted all the time. So I am starting an exercise routine and have had a dear friend volunteer to keep me moving and accountable and if anyone can do it he can! I am going to take care of me because there are people counting on me to be at 100% for a very long time!! SO I want to lose the weight, look fabulous, and FEEL good!! I have also become a Younique presenter which has also opened some doors for me. The company recently challenged presenters to use Rachel Platten’s “Fight Song” and lip sync to it and for every video Younique Corporate would donate $$ to The Younique Foundation for sexually abused women. These videos made me feel all sorts of feels. I am a sexual assault survivior. I have been victimized but I am not a victim. I have fought long and hard with myself about all of these feelings and what to do with them. I did not have the courage shown by so many Younique presenters to do a video but I am saying it here. Details don’t matter. I am the 1 in 4 (I have 3 sisters). I did not report any of my assaults, not the first time and not the last (there was more than one). It had me twisted up in knots y’all!! I did not see my value on this Earth for a long time. I drank too much and was essentially trying really hard to numb the pain. I was essentially in a self-destruct mode. I blamed myself and believed all of the awful things that were said about me. Damaged Broken Worthless Shameful there was so very much to feel then and these videos, these women openly stating what happened to them, it had me feeling all the feels all over again. And it sucks but only sort of…You see people I am a victim or sexual assault, but I also survived it, I overcame the worst, darkest, painful days of my life and because I had told NO ONE, I did it “alone.” Alone in the sense that no other human knew about these terrible dark things except the other humans involved in the incidents. Now there are a few that will not be surprised by this post because I have openly talked about it with them but this was long after I had become a wife and mother. Ladies I pray you NEVER have to experience sexual assault, and if you have bear with me because my story may not be like yours. The journey I am on is to complete my healing. I am not the victim. I am the survivor, not because it is POLITICALLY CORRECT to be a survivor and not a victim, but because it is the right word to choose. When I chose to binge drink and do all sorts of crazy things that could have ended my life, I was a victim, I was letting what happened to me change me in a bad way. I am a survivor because I am coming to terms with all of it and I want so badly to heal. I have to choose forgiveness. I have to know with every fiber of my being that I did not ask to be assaulted. I have to know that regardless of my sexual history I wasn’t asking to be assaulted. I have to understand that flirting does not mean I wanted to be assaulted. I am working on all of that. The wounds have been healing all these years and I thought I was finished. I had moved on, married, had a family, but I have not completely healed because I still have trouble seeing the faces of those men. I shudder at the idea of running into them. It is getting better now that I am being more open about it but this long road doesn’t have to be your journey. You can get help now. The legal system was only involved in one case and that is because he tried to turn the tables and claim I had taken advantage of him and I had to sit in a detective’s office and explain in explicit and anatomical detail what had happened to me. My purpose in writing this and putting it out there on the internet is not to name names or to shame anyone. It is to shatter the idea that RAPE is something we should be ashamed to discuss. Sexual assault, sexual abuse, happens way too often and society needs to STEP UP and do something. I want other women to not feel the way I felt, to not keep it inside, don’t lock it away. GET REAL. GET HELP. And if you need to reach out to someone I am here. And there are many others out there like us who are taking this step in healing. I pray my 4 girls never have to deal with this issue. WE can change the 1 in 4!! Love and light readers!!!

If you have specific questions about the Younique Foundation, please email questions@youniquefoundation.org or call (385)245-4556

Roller Coaster

by Mothersense, posted in Uncategorized

I have not had much time lately for writing and it bothers me in a way that I cannot put into words. The roller coaster of life has me hanging on by a thread. November 7th had the hubs in surgery. Prior to that we thought he had pancreatitis and he actually could have acute pancreatitis or something else altogether. The removal of the gall bladder has helped some and it was obviously malfunctioning because the tests showed that it was. Follow me here because there is some sarcasm laced into my words. My husband is still in pain, not the sort of pain you would expect after an abdominal surgery we are nearly two weeks out and he should be getting better, but he isn’t. He still has continued nausea, abdominal pain, and fatigue. Is it too much to ask to get a doctor on board to review all of this and come up with an answer?? We tried using Care Now doctors and signed up for their plan to save us money but their physician sent us back to the ER. That was one week post- op and we land back in the ER with a 6 hour wait to see a doctor and be treated. They find nothing. They are as confused as we are about us being told to return to the ER. We just want the pain to stop. I don’t want to lose my husband. I want him to be well and to provide for our family. I want to be able to grow old with him and watch his hair gray completely (he’s had gray hair since he was 16). Where do we catch a break on this? The kids are divided into two camps- they are either worried about their dad and what is going on or they are wondering what the heck is going on and are experiencing a fraction of my frustration.
Motherhood is laced with so many instances of “What do I do?” and this is one of those. We are on a roller-coaster here and the kids are not stupid, they are picking up on my stress and frustration. I cannot completely explain the ins and outs of this medical mess to them but I also have to tell them something. I have to at least eek out enough money for their activities and new jeans for the girls. My friends are pondering the big Thanksgiving feast or going Christmas shopping and I am smiling at them, I love them. I love that they can do that for their families but I am seriously concerned about this holiday season. Its not just the money, it is the anniversary of hubby losing his brother. Our first full holiday season without Bubba…December 9, 2013. And that date is approaching too…
Mommas out there… I need you to know that if you are frustrated, exhausted, depleted and the roller-coaster of life is getting to you. I AM HERE. I AM WITH YOU. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and although my journey may be different from yours, the light is there. We just have to believe and we need to use the resources available!!! We don’t have to bear it alone!!

Spinning

by Mothersense, posted in Kids n such

I feel like things are spinning out of control. And as a mother at least some semblance of control is necessary to function in the day to day. My oldest is off to his trade school to work on an associate’s in diesel mechanics, seldom home. I was not prepared for that because he was such a momma’s boy for so long. I am grateful that he has come out of his shell and just cover him in prayer daily that he makes good choices. We have added a 17 year old to the mix last year (2013) and she is a fabulous kid who just needed a safe place to land for awhile until she has time to spread her wings as well. (*sigh* its so hard) And then the oldest daughter is finding her way in high school and flip flopping between “Mom fix this” and “Mom I’ve got this” all of that is enough to make some skiddish but not this faith driven, battle scarred mom. It does make me a tad dizzy as we walk a fine line with teens anyway, but these three, I just know they will manage to make a mark on the world, they have the heart for giving, and I love them for it. I certainly hope that they learn much sooner than I did to set boundaries before getting hurt too badly.

Flip down on the other end of my children and you have a 13 year old with all of her alphabet of difficulties who is doing marvelously well in a homeschool setting. This is her 8th grade year and she is doing a little bit of “feeling her oats” as the hormones have kicked in a tad and we are operating this year with NO MEDS, focusing our energies on coping strategies, breathing, manners, exercise and good nutrition (with some supplements). I finally managed to set her up for co-op classes. Its gotten off to a rough start but it is one day a week that she for sure gets to see friends and her classes are mainly science which she loves so she is doing well. Then we have the babygirl who declares herself the “normal one” just because she is my mini-me and that is so her personality!! She loves showing her FFA goats and is becoming quite opinionated but alas I know that inside that sweet little 10 year old girl there is a hormonal monster waiting to jump at me and be all emotional and I am just not ready yet. Finally we have the baby of all of my babies who has just turned 5, he is a little devil at times but mostly he is momma’s little sweetheart. He holds my hand, gives hugs freely, and lots of cuddles and kisses. And sadly those days will be gone much too quickly for my taste.

My world is spinning because I have 6 kids in my home and on bad days 7 because I sometimes include my husband as a kid too! (winky face – he knows) I love them all so much and fight so hard for them to have everything they need in the world and maybe spoil them just a tad too. And the holding pattern we may have been in for awhile, well it got smashed to pieces and now we are FULL SPEED AHEAD and really my babies are not babies anymore (BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS BE MY BABIES)..DISCLIAMER…I don’t have baby fever at all. I do not miss pregnancy or the middle of the night feedings, but dad gum I just wish that I had them for longer, its going by way too fast and soon I will be the grandma or grams or nana….I try not to think of that just yet because I just need to focus on NOW.Oh and the macaroni noodles I was boiling for lunch. Love and Light people – be good to YOU!!