Tag: motherhood

G is for GRIEF

by Mothersense, posted in This Life

Navigating the Personal Journey of Loss

Grief is a profound, often overwhelming experience that touches all of our lives at some point. It’s a deeply personal journey that can emerge from various types of loss—whether the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or even the loss of a dream or opportunity. Understanding grief as a lifelong process rather than a linear event can help us navigate its complexities with compassion for ourselves and others.

The Nature of Grief

Grief is not just an emotion; it encompasses a range of feelings, thoughts, and reactions. It can manifest as sadness, anger, confusion, guilt, and even relief. Each person experiences grief differently, influenced by their personality, life experiences, and the nature of the loss.

A Personal Journey

One of the most critical aspects of grief is its deeply personal nature. While there are common stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—each individual traverses these stages in their own way and at their own pace. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve; there’s only your way.

  • Cultural Influences: Cultural backgrounds can shape how we express grief. Some cultures openly mourn, while others may emphasize stoicism. Understanding these differences is vital in supporting those around us.
  • Support Systems: The presence or absence of a supportive network can significantly impact the grieving process. Friends, family, and even professionals can provide comfort, yet the way we choose to engage with that support is uniquely ours.

Grief as a Lifelong Process

Many people may expect grief to resolve after a certain period, but it often lingers, evolving over time. This understanding can be liberating; it acknowledges that grief doesn’t have a strict timeline and allows for ongoing healing.

  • Anniversaries and Milestones: Significant dates, like birthdays or anniversaries, can reignite feelings of grief. This resurgence is a natural part of the process and can remind us of the love we still hold for those we’ve lost.
  • Finding New Meanings: As time passes, the way we relate to our grief may change. We may find ways to honor our loved ones, celebrate their lives, and integrate their memory into our own.

The Greater the Grief, the Greater the Love

One of the most profound truths about grief is that it reflects the depth of our love. The pain we feel is a testament to the bonds we shared. This connection is what makes the journey of grief so significant and transformative.

  • Embracing Love: Rather than shying away from grief, embracing it can be a way to honor our relationships. Acknowledge the love that underlies the sorrow; it’s this love that shapes our memories and influences who we are.
  • Creating Legacy: Finding ways to celebrate the life of the person we’ve lost can help channel our grief into something meaningful. This could be through storytelling, creating art, or participating in activities they loved.

Coping with Grief

As we navigate the personal journey of grief, it’s essential to equip ourselves with tools for coping. Here are some strategies that may help:

  1. Allow Yourself to Feel: Give yourself permission to experience all emotions that arise without judgment. Grief is not something to “get over” but something to honor.
  2. Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Whether through friends, family, or support groups, connecting with others who understand can be immensely comforting.
  3. Express Yourself: Writing, art, and other forms of expression can provide an outlet for your feelings. Journaling about your experience can help you process your emotions.
  4. Practice Self-Care: Grieving can be exhausting. Prioritize self-care through rest, nutrition, and activities that bring you joy or solace.
  5. Consider Professional Help: If grief feels overwhelming, seeking the guidance of a therapist can provide valuable support and coping strategies.

That’s not all folks:

Grief is a complex and deeply personal journey that requires patience and compassion. It is a lifelong process, interwoven with love and memory. Acknowledging that the greater the grief, the greater the love can help us embrace our experiences, honor those we’ve lost, and ultimately find a way to carry their legacy forward in our lives. Remember, you are not alone in this journey; your path is uniquely yours, and it’s okay to take the time you need to heal.

The personal part:

Keeping all of the above in mind, I have become very familiar with grief. It is a personal companion and has been with me since I was 11 years old. My only living grandparent died, my Granny, she was just the best towards me. And she impacted my life in so many ways, from “not sweeping through the middle” to “I love you a bushel and a peck,” helping me count to 100, taking rides through the countryside and everything in between. This is not to discount the losses that followed. It just compounds the grief; I still miss them and all of my other loved ones who are no longer here with me. The grief can be heavy some days. In the beginning, the initial shock, it is kind of easy. Easy, in that no one expects much from you in the beginning. You have the sympathy of everyone around you for your loss, but then it fades. You have to continue to go to work, do laundry, grocery shop, and with each of these tasks you are still very aware that the world you knew has changed forever. But the world keeps spinning even while you are in the throes of grief, life goes on, work still has to be done, bills paid. The routine soothes you a little bit, trying to keep things “normal” while you process what it is that has this grip on you. 

The holidays are always the hardest after a loss. Whether it be a birthday, anniversary or the holiday season following Halloween, they can all be hard. You can honor your loved ones and keep the same traditions, it may feel hollow at first, but there will be new meaning in them. This year I am not only facing the holidays without my parents but without 2 members of my village that always helped to pull me back from the brink when things got rough. I didn’t expect to have to traverse life and grief in losing friends that had become family. Losing the sister from another mister, my daily check in text or call, Audra could make me absolutely crazy with some of her theories but at our hearts we both enjoyed food and flavors and cultures and we raised our babies together. We made last minute poodle skirts together. She helped me expand my horizons. We valued critical thinking and doing what’s best for ourselves even if others didn’t understand. She helped me to embrace who I am. Now our youngest babies are freshmen in high school and she isn’t here to navigate this part. Some days are better than others and I think of her adult children each day. I think of her husband, left behind with a teen boy to raise without his mom. I digress. These things are all part of my daily existence. 

But in learning to let go, it is especially poignant in the fall. In the fall, trees lose their leaves, as they continue to grow. They become a shell of themselves, but we know that in the spring they sprout new leaves. I am taking a lesson from the trees this year. I am going to let go of things, it is hard work, but it is important work. I am going to let go of the past. I am going to cherish memories of loved ones and prepare myself to move forward in this new existence. I will remember each of them in different ways and on different days, but in letting go of how I thought life would be, I am freeing myself of the immense weight that grief can bear down on me. I will keep old traditions that still serve me and maybe create new ones to celebrate this new chapter of life. I didn’t plan for this journey of grief; I don’t think you can. What you can do is appreciate the time that you have and make the minutes count.

Love and light y’all, it can get dark out there. 

Advocacy for children

by Mothersense, posted in This Life

Debate amateur turned Warrior Mom

I wasn’t a fighter, at least not really. In high school, I could argue my point well, and sometimes I was wrong, but I didn’t seek confrontation. I wanted to fit in and be accepted; I loved people. However, becoming a mother shifted my perspective dramatically. Watching my children struggle in school opened my eyes and transformed me into a warrior for their needs. I will leave out some of the finer details in dealing with various school districts, but the first ARD meeting I had the experience of sitting in on was the catalyst for changing how I fought for my children and becoming active in making sure they were able to succeed despite their struggles.

Initially, my journey began with my oldest son and daughter, who faced challenges with speech. As I navigated the complexities of early childhood education, I quickly realized that these struggles weren’t merely developmental; they were indicators of larger issues at play. It wasn’t until my second child was diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive type) and dyslexia that I truly understood the importance of advocacy. According to the CDC, around 6.1 million children in the U.S. have been diagnosed with ADHD, while estimates suggest that about 1 in 5 students has some form of learning disability, including dyslexia. These numbers are a stark reminder of how common these challenges are, yet navigating the school system to get the necessary support can often feel like an uphill battle.

As I continued to educate myself, my third child was diagnosed with a range of issues that underscored the importance of understanding and advocacy. I learned that Autism Spectrum Disorder affects approximately 1 in 36 children in the U.S., a statistic that has prompted schools to reevaluate their support structures. With every diagnosis, I became more determined to fight for my children’s right to an equitable education.

The climate of our schools, while designed to support all students, can inadvertently create environments rife with anxiety, particularly for children with unique needs. My fourth and fifth children seemed to fare better academically, yet I couldn’t ignore the subtle signs of stress they exhibited. The pressures of fitting into a rigid system can manifest in ways that aren’t immediately obvious, making advocacy all the more crucial.

To effectively advocate for my children within the Texas school system, I learned to ask the right questions and make informed requests. The first step in securing the appropriate support is to pursue a comprehensive evaluation. Parents should request a meeting with the school’s special education team to discuss concerns and request a Full Individual Evaluation (FIE). In Texas, this evaluation should include assessments of cognitive abilities, academic achievement, and social-emotional functioning.

When advocating for supports, it’s vital to be specific. For my children, I sought accommodations like extended time on tests, individualized reading programs, and access to assistive technology. Schools in Texas are required to provide a free and appropriate public education (FAPE) to all students, and this includes tailored supports for those with disabilities. I learned to request services under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) and Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act, both of which outline the rights of students with disabilities and their need for accommodations.

In meetings, I found it helpful to present documented evidence of my children’s struggles, including report cards, assessments, and even journal entries that captured their emotional experiences. Armed with this information, I could make a compelling case for the interventions they needed.

Advocating for children with ADHD, dyslexia, and autism means not only ensuring they receive necessary accommodations but also fostering a supportive environment that recognizes their strengths. It’s about collaborating with educators, understanding the resources available, and staying informed about changes in educational policy. By becoming a proactive and informed advocate, I transformed my initial desire to fit in into a powerful mission to ensure my children—and others like them—received the education and support they deserved.

The fight for our children’s rights in the school system may not come naturally to many parents, but it is a battle worth fighting. Through collaboration, persistence, and a deep understanding of their needs, we can pave the way for our children to thrive academically and emotionally, regardless of their challenges. In the end, it’s about creating an inclusive environment where every child feels valued and capable of success.

More about me and where I am headed…

by Mothersense, posted in This Life

Finding Opportunity Amid Grief and Financial Concerns

Life has a way of throwing curveballs when we least expect it. Lately, I’ve been navigating a landscape filled with grief and financial uncertainties. It’s a heavy load, and some days it feels overwhelming. But through this challenging period, I’ve started to explore new avenues to not only cope but to thrive.

Embracing Grief and Finding Strength

Grief can be a solitary journey, yet it can also be a catalyst for growth. As I process my feelings of the loss of both people and a career that I worked really hard to get into, I’ve realized the importance of channeling my energy into productive outlets. Writing has become my refuge—a way to express what I’m going through and connect with others who may feel the same.

Financial Concerns: A Wake-Up Call

Alongside my emotional struggles, financial concerns have crept in. Unexpected expenses and a tightening budget have pushed me to rethink my income sources. In this age of digital opportunities, I’ve discovered that there are several ways to generate income that align with my passions and skills.

Diving into Blogging and Copywriting

One avenue I’ve explored is blogging. Sharing my experiences not only helps me process my grief, but it also allows me to connect with a broader audience. Through my blog, I’m able to share insights, stories, and resources that others might find valuable.

I’m also diving into copywriting. The ability to craft compelling narratives and persuasive content can be a lucrative skill, especially as businesses are constantly looking for fresh ways to engage their audiences.

Proofreading: A Detail-Oriented Path

With an eye for detail, proofreading has become another potential income stream. Many writers and businesses seek out proofreaders to polish their work, and I’ve found that this skill can be both rewarding and flexible.

Cooking Up a New Project: A Cookbook

In addition to writing, I’ve always had a passion for cooking. As I’ve spent more time in the kitchen, I’ve been inspired to create a cookbook. Combining personal stories with recipes can be a beautiful way to share my journey and offer something meaningful to others.

Partnering with Primerica

Finally, I’ve recently partnered with Primerica, a company that offers financial services and education. This opportunity not only aligns with my goal of improving my financial literacy but also allows me to help others in their financial journeys. It’s a fulfilling way to turn my financial concerns into proactive solutions.

Connecting with Amazon Affiliate Links

As I embark on these ventures, I’ve also started utilizing Amazon affiliate links on my blog. Whether I’m sharing my favorite kitchen gadgets for the cookbook or recommending books that have helped me through tough times, this can be a great way to earn some extra income while providing value to my readers.

Moving Forward

While grief and financial worries can feel consuming, I’ve found that by leaning into my passions and exploring new income streams, I can create a brighter path forward. Each step—whether it’s blogging, copywriting, or working on my cookbook—feels like a small victory. I’m learning to embrace this journey, and I hope to inspire others to find their own paths through adversity.

If you’re interested in supporting my journey or exploring some of my recommended products, check out the links that I will be posting on my blog. There is also an Etsy shop, TikTok and Instagram pages for content related to mental health and navigating life. Look for Mothersenseshop on social media and of course I will be getting all of the links posted here soon. Together, we can maneuver through these challenges and discover new opportunities for growth. As always, love and light y’all, we can do this!

Navigating Life’s Uncharted Waters

by Mothersense, posted in This Life

A journey through grief

Life has a way of teaching us profound lessons, often through experiences we never anticipated. As a mom who has navigated the tumultuous waters of grief after losing both parents, my beloved Uncle John, former in-laws, and numerous close friends, I’ve come to understand that while the journey is deeply personal, it is also one that connects us to each other in ways we might not always recognize. Today, I want to share my story, not as a means of seeking sympathy, but to offer a beacon of hope and understanding for those who might be walking a similar path. And grief is a very personal journey and no two paths are the same, please know you are not alone.

The Weight of Loss

Losing my parents was like losing the anchors that held my world steady. They were my guiding stars, my sources of unwavering support, and the keepers of family traditions. Their absence created a void that felt insurmountable. I remember the days following their passing as a blur of grief and disbelief, a cacophony of emotions that seemed too vast for words. And still I don’t feel like words can accurately describe the first few months after we lost my Daddy and Mom.

While still grieving my Uncle John and parents who were so much a part of our daily lives; we also experienced the loss of close friends, and my former in-laws. It all seemed too much, like another wave crashing against my already fragile heart. Each person’s departure brought with it its own kind of pain—a different shade of grief, yet part of a larger tapestry of loss. These were people who had walked with me through various chapters of my life, sharing laughter, tears, and countless memories. Their absence was a reminder of the impermanence of life and the unpredictability of our journeys.

Finding Strength in Vulnerability

Grief is often portrayed as a linear process, but in reality, it’s more like a swirling dance with no clear steps. At first, I sought to shield myself from the raw pain, to put on a brave face for my children and keep life as normal as possible. But eventually, I realized that embracing my vulnerability was not a sign of weakness but a source of strength. Allowing myself to grieve openly meant accepting that my feelings were valid and that it was okay to not have all the answers.

Being honest with my children about our losses was one of the hardest yet most liberating things I did. We talked about their grandparents, uncles, and my friends in ways that honored their memories while allowing us to express our sadness. It became a shared experience, one that, while painful, also brought us closer. Through these conversations, I learned that grief does not need to be a solitary journey; it can be something that unites us.

Creating New Traditions

One of the most healing things for me has been creating new traditions that honor those I’ve lost. It started with small gestures—lighting a candle in their memory on significant dates, creating bouquets for their graves, sharing stories about them during family gatherings, and visiting places that held special significance. Over time, these traditions have evolved into a way of keeping their spirit alive, blending their memory into our everyday lives. As I have one daughter planning a wedding, she will be certain to honor her grandparents and perhaps even her honorary aunt Audra in her upcoming wedding ceremony. This is how we move on. We are forever altered by the loss, but we keep the memories in our hearts, so our loved ones are ever present.

As a family, we began to find joy in creating new memories while still cherishing the old ones. We celebrated our milestones with an appreciation for the past and a renewed hope for the future. One daughter’s graduation was especially poignant, her aunt brought a rose for each grandparent who was missing. It was a way of acknowledging that while the pain of loss is profound, it does not have to overshadow the beauty of living. We celebrated and had a party and there were smiles and laughter and it was good. 

Embracing the Journey Forward

Grief is a lifelong companion, but it doesn’t have to define us. It’s a part of my story, but it’s not the whole story. I’ve learned that healing doesn’t mean forgetting, but rather finding a new way to live with the love and memories of those who have passed. It means allowing myself to experience joy again and to continue moving forward with a heart that has been forever touched by those who are no longer here.

 I recently watched the episode of NCIS where “Ducky” passed away, and although he was old and it was his time, the loss still hurt. Director Vance shared a piece of wisdom with the team that Dr. Mallard had shared with Vance upon his wife’s death, We each die two deaths, one where our body gives out and the other when our stories stop being shared. Profound words to share with those experiencing loss. Don’t stop sharing the stories. It keeps them alive in our memories and even though their physical presence is gone, they do not have to be. 

In my journey, I’ve found solace in connecting with others who have experienced similar losses. It’s through these shared experiences that we find understanding and support. We each have our own paths, but the connections we forge with others who have walked similar roads can be profoundly comforting.

A Message of Hope

If you are navigating the challenging waters of grief, know that you are not alone. Your feelings are valid, and your journey is uniquely yours. Embrace the love and memories of those you’ve lost while allowing yourself the grace to live and find joy again. Grief may change you, but it doesn’t have to diminish your capacity to love and find happiness.

In the end, life’s greatest gift is our ability to love deeply and to be loved in return. Even in the face of loss, the bonds we create and the memories we cherish become a source of strength. As a mom who has felt the weight of grief, I hold onto this truth: that the love we share with those who have left us continues to guide and uplift us through every step of our journey.

In loving memory of so many I have lost over the years, but especially:

Sandi Rene Marbut July 1993

Ila Kilcrease July 1987

John Henry Eaves June 2019

Sharena Kay Lovett May 2020

Rufus Oran Kilcrease October 2020

Emeline Marie Kilcrease November 2020

Deborah Kay Nelson April 2023

Garry Paul Roeber May 2023

Audra Marie Talley March 2024

Marcey Elaine Riley May 2024

We are what we eat…

by Mothersense, posted in This Life

The Connection Between Food and Mental Health

As a 49-year-old mother of five, I’ve spent years juggling the chaos of family life, a career, and trying to stay healthy. Over time, I’ve learned that what I put on my plate does far more than just feed my body—it feeds my mind, too. Our daily diet plays an integral role in how we feel, think, and cope with the ups and downs of life. Here’s what I’ve discovered about the relationship between the food we eat and mental health, from my perspective as a busy mom navigating life’s many demands.

The Busy Mom Diet: When Convenience Comes First

Let’s face it—when you’re raising kids, and juggling their homework and activities, meal planning often takes a back seat to convenience. I’ve been there, reaching for quick fixes like processed snacks, fast food, and sugary treats just to get through the day. But as I hit my 40s, I began to notice that not only was my energy tanking, but my mood was all over the place. I felt anxious, irritable, and, honestly, a little down more often than I’d like to admit. 

It wasn’t just the physical toll of running a household; I began to suspect that my diet was playing a big role in how I was feeling mentally. And my doctor warned me that my A1C was putting me in a borderline state. I had to take a look at what I was eating and how it made me FEEL. This was my suspicion, what I was eating was affecting my mood swings and my sugar levels.

The Science Behind Food and Mood

It turns out, I wasn’t wrong. Research shows that the food we eat has a direct impact on our mental health. A diet high in processed foods, sugar, and unhealthy fats can increase the risk of depression, anxiety, and mood swings. In contrast, a balanced diet rich in whole foods—think fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and healthy fats—provides the brain with the nutrients it needs to function optimally.

Gut Health: The Second Brain

When the girls were playing soccer, one of the soccer parents introduced me to an idea about the gut-brain connection. Did you know that your gut is sometimes called your “second brain”? The gut is home to trillions of bacteria that help regulate not only digestion but also mood. These bacteria produce neurotransmitters like serotonin, the “feel-good” chemical that plays a key role in keeping our mood stable.

When I started focusing on feeding my gut with fiber-rich foods like fruits, vegetables, and whole grains, I noticed a significant improvement in my mood. I also incorporated shots of kefir sometimes to help the gut biome. Although it wasn’t overnight, a few weeks of eating more mindfully, I felt calmer, more focused, and better equipped to handle the stress of daily life. And sometimes we still ate processed foods, but I was more mindful of the fuel we were putting in our bodies. 

Sugar and Mental Health: A Love-Hate Relationship

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from raising kids and being around kids, it is that sugar is everywhere! It is the big ugly thing that hides in so many things we eat! It’s in snacks, drinks, and even foods we wouldn’t expect, like bread and sauces. For years, I leaned on sugary treats or sugary drinks with caffeine to get that quick energy boost, especially during the long days of parenting. But what I didn’t realize was how sugar affects mental health.

Sugar may give you an instant lift, but it’s followed by a crash that can leave you feeling irritable, tired, and foggy. Over time, these fluctuations in blood sugar can contribute to symptoms of anxiety and depression. Once I started cutting back on sugar and replacing it with healthier alternatives like fruits, nuts, and even dark chocolate (yes, I still need my treats!), I felt more balanced both mentally and physically.

Omega-3s: The Brain’s Best Friend

One dietary change that helped make a difference for me was incorporating more omega-3 fatty acids into my meals and snacks. These healthy fats, found in foods like salmon, chia seeds, and walnuts, are essential for brain health. Omega-3s help reduce inflammation in the brain and have been shown to reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety.

Making simple swaps—like adding a handful of walnuts or a tablespoon of chia seeds to my morning oatmeal or cooking salmon or making a salmon salad once a week started to become routine. And honestly, I could feel the change. My mind felt clearer, and I was able to manage stress in ways I hadn’t been able to before. I do not always keep all of these ingredients on hand, but I do notice the difference when I haven’t been keeping up with watching what I eat. I feel it and then remember to add them to the grocery list. This isn’t a passing “diet” it is just making small changes to give your body the fuel it needs to operate at its best and occasionally we lapse back into the bad eating habits. When you do that just course correct and begin again, it’s not a failure, just a backslide.

The Power of Routine and Self-Care

As a busy mom, balancing everything can be a challenge. I know that self-care often falls to the bottom of the to-do list. But I’ve learned that prioritizing what I eat is one of the most important forms of self-care I can practice. It doesn’t have to be complicated or time-consuming; even small changes can have a big impact.

I now make an effort to prepare balanced meals, drink plenty of water, and include foods that nourish both my body and mind. And if I am missing something I also take a multivitamin to try to keep my body functioning at its best. Eating regularly has kept my blood sugar stable, which has been a huge game-changer for my energy and mood. No more need for the snickers in the afternoons because I was getting “hangry.” I also snack on things that are better for me than a candy bar, maybe some almonds or sunflower seeds and dried cranberries, just enough to get me to dinner. You can do what works for you and your tastes, read the labels.

Setting an Example for My Kids

The absolute best motivator for me has been setting a good example for my children. I wanted them to understand that what they eat doesn’t just affect how they look or their physical health—it affects how they feel emotionally and mentally. Encouraging them to make healthy food choices and teaching them the importance of balance and moderation has always been a “thing” in this household. Sometimes my insistence that they give me two bites of anything I cooked led to them discovering that they actually did like the weird looking stuff or the green stuff. I really did raise some of the least picky eaters. 

Final Thoughts

At 49, I’m still learning, growing, and making changes to support my health and well-being. But one thing I know for sure is that the connection between food and mental health is real. As a mother, wife, and woman juggling many roles, the food I eat has become one of the most powerful tools I have to support my mental clarity, emotional balance, and overall happiness.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or just not yourself, take a look at what’s on your plate. It might be the key to feeling better, stronger, and more mentally resilient. Trust me—if this busy mom can do it, anyone can! If you need help with ideas or recipes to help do better, let me know. I have been there, it is a journey, and you are not alone!

Love and light, y’all! 

If you or someone you know is feeling overwhelmed Crisis help line: Call or Text 988