When one is trying to grow personally and develop a plan for a business there are some obstacles that will inevitably come up and perhaps slow the progress. I have taken my hubs disability as a sign that maybe we all needed to slow down and work on things as a couple, a family, and rethink where our priorities are. We seem to constantly be re-evaluating what is most urgent to deal with because we are in a lengthy “crisis” mode and I am trying my best to keep the kids away from that mode and absorb most of that onto myself and a little on my husband because feeling like you are “on the verge” all of the time is exhausting.
We have run into financial obstacles. I have unfortunately had to sell things, ask for help from local churches, cash in life insurance, pretty much take everything down to the bare bones of living so that we can continue to afford to live in our home and not be forced to surrender another home and move in with family. SO far we are managing alright but most recently the federal TANF program had me so dad gum irritated. I have medical documentation that my husband cannot work, he doesn’t even travel well. I have a document that the doctor signed that says my husband cannot be left alone because he is a fall risk, meaning I do not get to “get out” much of anywhere without arranging care for him. Finding appropriate and hopefully free care for him has proved challenging. Imagine my surprise when hubs actual physical presence is REQUIRED for an “orientation” despite the documentation provided by a medical professional saying that he cannot!! SO my TANF application has been denied, no opportunity for appeal and I will need to re-apply because re-applying takes less than 30 days and appeals can take up to 90 days….and this folks is our federal government at work. I am not really complaining because at least the help is there; I am just shaking my head at how bogged down the whole thing is for applicants and recipients.
Emotional obstacles and here I can only speak for myself but this journey has days that leave me so depleted I honestly cannot comprehend how I am awake and even remotely functional. I deal with ANGER, the whole “why us?” sort of thing and I don’t get it and I lash out and wonder what I did to be getting beat down like this…And then I realize that I am NEVER going to understand the reasons WHY. And I reconnect to a calmer place and shake off the anger and put on my smile and get back to the work of whatever the day has left to bring us. It sometimes happens as fast as it took you to read that, but certain days, days that have been just way too much, it may be 15 minutes or a couple of hours of just being in a mood. It isn’t really angry, or sad, or upset its just a dreadful place that I prefer not to be so I try not to stay there. I am not a pity party sort of person but that is usually how I refer to these lapses in my normal upbeat self. I also try to stay away from people when I feel like this. I tried the whole “keeping it in” and TRUST ME, It doesn’t work, at all, EVER! Instead of keeping it in I usually have 15 minutes a day that I sort of “let it all hang out” and it may be in the shower crying or outside away from everyone but the cat while I have a little alone time talking to God. Either way it heals me just a little bit and I can breathe a little easier and continue on my journey.
Scheduling obstacles are the most frustrating. It would not matter if I wrote out a minute by minute plan of every single day we would still end up with something not getting done because someone would want to take the schedule literally and someone else would be so free with it …well I guess you get the picture. Between my autistic/bipolar/adhd daughter and her other terrific siblings we have pretty hectic days with homeschool lessons, co-op days, chores (kids just love those), meals and meal plans. It is still a journey y’all and this household is a never-ending work in progress.
Love people even when you think they don’t deserve it, and be the light you want to see in the world!! = Love and light readers! always Jules
Tag: life
I smell fall y’all!!
Oh so much goes on behind the scenes here at Mothersense!! I have a new moniker to add to my collection “Jules the Mascara Mom.” It goes with my Younique experience and that comes into play with all of my other mothersense!! With the changing leaves of Fall so there are many things that change around our household!!
1)The Big Boy has left school and is now living with my parents across town. He has a job and is saving for a truck. He is also considering firefighter training or police academy!! He even paid his half of the cell bill this month!! WHOOP!! I am all about the baby steps!!
2) Big girl (not her birth mom, just her Jules) has moved off to her higher learning institution and is settling in well!! We hope she visits often because we sort of miss her and her spunk and green hair!
3)The other 4 rugrats have started back to their homeschool lessons. And co-op starts next week so we have to at least pretend that we have it all together! These guys are the ones that keep me on my toes! Fighting over computer time. Arguing about what all has to be written in the log book. Timing one another for their journal activities. Whew what a fun bunch! I am telling you the excitement about all of this school work is palatable. All kidding aside we have been very blessed to continue on the homeschooling journey and not have too many hiccups. The flexibility is really the best part because I can CUSTOMIZE their lessons to interest and engage them so that they want to learn!! Yay me, I call that WINNING!
4) My journey as an entrepreneur is still in full swing. I have always loved being my own boss and have made multiple attempts with Network Marketing and I really hope this time we can launch something I can have for years to come and my kids can be super dee duper proud to be associated! Younique is a company that makes amazing cosmetics. The Younique Foundation is on a mission to keep an open dialogue about sexual abuse of women and children! We gotta keep on keeping on!!
5) Hubby has seen his primary care doctor and his optometrist this week. Good news is that whatever is causing his pain and neuropathy is not affecting his eyesight. The bad news is that we still do not have answers as we are waiting on more MRIs and a consult with a neurologist. The primary care doc suspects MS and is treating for nerve pain and of course the degenerative disk disease, but we wait for now. And we pray and we do not give up hope. It is painful to watch my once vibrant husband reduced to such frailty that I have to help him off the toilet and up and out of chairs. He is only 37, it hard to watch, y’all!
In closing if you haven’t noticed yet http://www.julesthemascaramom.com is live and ready for any orders.
Also julesthemascaramom.net will route you to this blog where you can keep up to date on what is happening with us. The journey we are on with homechool, hubby’s disability, daughter’s special needs, and just LIFE in general!!! Subscribe below
Fabulous and 40??
I am quietly watching as the minutes of my 39th year tick slowly away. Tomorrow I will be 40. I don’t feel 40! I don’t LOOK 40!! As a matter of records people have mistaken my bearded nearly 20 year old son as my husband!! With my 40 years has come some painful lessons. Most importantly it has given me knowledge and wisdom. I would not be the person I am today without the good the bad and the ugly that is my past. Frankly I like the person I have become. I am not terribly thrilled with my present financial situation and my husband’s health but I figure God is working on me. I am mindful of my journey and I realize that little humans are watching me, even more so now than before, maybe so see if I am really going to crack or if I will come through the other side of this crisis. But turning 40, celebrating this supposedly momentous birthday?? I want to, I want to celebrate really really bad. But what do I do with my husband?? He isn’t getting around so well, he doesn’t get out of the house much and a party or any extended period of time away from rest is just not realistic. Where is the fabulous in this situation? Go party like I want to and celebrate and leave him at home?? Compounding my issue is that his birthday is 2 days later…chew on that. We are financially strapped. I can’t leave for extended periods of time, and his birthday is coming up too, except he will be 37…
I will tell you that its rough right now. The number alone makes me feel old. My oldest is nearly 20. My baby is almost 6 and will be in Kindergarten this fall. No more babies for me. Of course that would also imply that I am doing the required act to create a baby or that I had not had surgery to prevent having anymore babies!! And i have another one heading off to college. She came into our lives sort of on a whim because she had nowhere else to go just 2 short years ago. Now she is headed off into this cruel world without many ties to family and only herself. She knows she always has a home here but it will never be the same. SO that doesn’t leave me with an empty nest at all. We are gearing up for all of our fun homeschool stuff to start…ok its not all fun and games. The reality is that I am getting older, as are my parents, and my children. Can I just freeze time here? It won’t work because then there is no forward motion for any of us and that has to happen. I sort of feel like I am grieving. I feel as though I am missing something that I missed a vital part of my life somehow. I know I did not. I have had all of the standard rites of passage and then some but now am I expected to be some full fledged ADULT?? What does it mean to be 40?? No more ponytails? Wrinkles? Grey hair? I am not there yet and I am certainly still willing to take on the world if need be, although maybe tomorrow because today I am pooped. How did you do 40?? What changes?? Why does it FEEL like I am losing something. Its hard to even SAY that I am going to be 40! Like where did 40 years go?? I was just 23 with 2 kids just a few days ago?!!!
Well folks I think I have pondered enough tonight. 40 is coming and I reckon I am feeling it a bit. For now I will work on my make-up tutorials and watch some NCIS (MARK HARMON) and rest a little. Life is too short for the doldrums and 40 can’t be so bad. Farewell 30s you were mostly good to me!!
Mothersense and Miscellaneous 