Tag: God is Good

When one is trying to grow personally and develop a plan for a business there are some obstacles that will inevitably come up and perhaps slow the progress. I have taken my hubs disability as a sign that maybe we all needed to slow down and work on things as a couple, a family, and rethink where our priorities are. We seem to constantly be re-evaluating what is most urgent to deal with because we are in a lengthy “crisis” mode and I am trying my best to keep the kids away from that mode and absorb most of that onto myself and a little on my husband because feeling like you are “on the verge” all of the time is exhausting.
We have run into financial obstacles. I have unfortunately had to sell things, ask for help from local churches, cash in life insurance, pretty much take everything down to the bare bones of living so that we can continue to afford to live in our home and not be forced to surrender another home and move in with family. SO far we are managing alright but most recently the federal TANF program had me so dad gum irritated. I have medical documentation that my husband cannot work, he doesn’t even travel well. I have a document that the doctor signed that says my husband cannot be left alone because he is a fall risk, meaning I do not get to “get out” much of anywhere without arranging care for him. Finding appropriate and hopefully free care for him has proved challenging. Imagine my surprise when hubs actual physical presence is REQUIRED for an “orientation” despite the documentation provided by a medical professional saying that he cannot!! SO my TANF application has been denied, no opportunity for appeal and I will need to re-apply because re-applying takes less than 30 days and appeals can take up to 90 days….and this folks is our federal government at work. I am not really complaining because at least the help is there; I am just shaking my head at how bogged down the whole thing is for applicants and recipients.
Emotional obstacles and here I can only speak for myself but this journey has days that leave me so depleted I honestly cannot comprehend how I am awake and even remotely functional. I deal with ANGER, the whole “why us?” sort of thing and I don’t get it and I lash out and wonder what I did to be getting beat down like this…And then I realize that I am NEVER going to understand the reasons WHY. And I reconnect to a calmer place and shake off the anger and put on my smile and get back to the work of whatever the day has left to bring us. It sometimes happens as fast as it took you to read that, but certain days, days that have been just way too much, it may be 15 minutes or a couple of hours of just being in a mood. It isn’t really angry, or sad, or upset its just a dreadful place that I prefer not to be so I try not to stay there. I am not a pity party sort of person but that is usually how I refer to these lapses in my normal upbeat self. I also try to stay away from people when I feel like this. I tried the whole “keeping it in” and TRUST ME, It doesn’t work, at all, EVER! Instead of keeping it in I usually have 15 minutes a day that I sort of “let it all hang out” and it may be in the shower crying or outside away from everyone but the cat while I have a little alone time talking to God. Either way it heals me just a little bit and I can breathe a little easier and continue on my journey.
Scheduling obstacles are the most frustrating. It would not matter if I wrote out a minute by minute plan of every single day we would still end up with something not getting done because someone would want to take the schedule literally and someone else would be so free with it …well I guess you get the picture. Between my autistic/bipolar/adhd daughter and her other terrific siblings we have pretty hectic days with homeschool lessons, co-op days, chores (kids just love those), meals and meal plans. It is still a journey y’all and this household is a never-ending work in progress.
Love people even when you think they don’t deserve it, and be the light you want to see in the world!! = Love and light readers! always Jules