Category: This Life

I am migrating posts that I had saved as notes on my personal Facebook – if they are not my original thoughts the writer is acknowledged.

The Gift of Belonging

from the book : Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms by Kristine Carlson

For those of us who remember family-oriented television like The Waltons or Family Ties, and other shows that emphasized strong family bonds, there is something wistful about how programming- and our world – has changed. Yet as demographics have shifted and new family structures have emerged, strong family bonds still sustain us. Perhaps more than ever, our youth need strong value and support systems that come from family and community. The feeling fof belonging keeps them safe. It prevents our kids from joining gangs and cliques that can hurt them, where unhealthy choices are made, and where lives can tip in the wrong direction.

The greatest blessing you can give your children is a sense of “belonging” to their clan of relatives. Our sense of family increases as we continue to share bonding times that include extended family: grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. As you participate in and carry on family traditions with parties and reunions celebrating momentous occasions, your kids get to see what stuff they are made from, and are given an opportunity to know their heritage, which ultimately strengthens them as individuals.

The family unit structure is strengthened through spending time together. In addition, you can enhance that sense by guiding your children into activities with a greater community of like-minded supporters. Your church may have a youth group; your community may have organized sports or recreation leagues. These are areas outside the family that create community for our child, but still reflect our values and goals.

There is nothing like family dinners. I have a friend whose extended family has faithfully enjoyed Monday night dinners together for nearly twenty five years- aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. When the older children are away at college or the younger ones have a conflict, they are excused; otherwise, the entire family is expected to gather. It’s where they want to be. For most of us, sitting down together to enjoy a meal is one of the most ancient traditions alive, and the place where family bonding occurs. Find the time to sit down together as often as you can. Have family members help to prepare the meal and set and clear the table. Give a prayer of gratitude and thanksgiving while holding hands around the table. Take turns in light-hearted, easy banter and share the stories of the day. Discuss current events and world issues together. Acknowledge the joy but also the sorrows by checking in with each person: “How’s your heart today?” This ensures that your kids know that no matter how their day went, or how much drama they are having with friends, they belong to a family where the love that holds them transcends anything negative that happens.

Go on a family hike. Go for picnics. Take in the scenery and fresh air of the outdoors. Think about road trips and visits to national landmarks. Go to the beach, or a national park. Camping experiences are among the most powerful ways to bond as a family. Getting back to nature and its simplicity is nourishing to a family’s spirit. Campfires, roasted marshmallows, and night time stories told beneath a star-filled night sky make memories that create belonging. So do the rituals you perform at holiday time, on birthdays and anniversaries, and for special occasions. The more rituals and traditions you have, the greater connection to the family.

Take time with your family. Slow down. Visit your extended family and go to weddings and funerals. Enjoy your holidays and create rituals that come through family traditions that are passed down through generations. Create memories. When your kids grow where they belong, they will always find their way home. Listen. Love. Share. Belong together. These bonds are forever.

Roots and Wings
This is an Irish song and it suits the effort behind family reunions and and why family and where you came from can be so important.

ROOTS AND WINGS

Words and music by Steve Romanoff

I probably heard it somewhere, but it’s the notion that the best of what you give to children reveals itself as a sense of place and also of liberation….roots and wings. It’s the universal pairing: a home to which you can always return combined with knowing when and how to leave.

For all the gifts that life may give you,

I give your roots, I give you wings,

For all the hands Lady Luck may deal you,

For all the chances tomorrow brings,

Of all the lessons that life may teach you,

May you come to value above all things,

That the greatest gift anyone can give you

Is to give you you roots and give you wings

For every single door that opens to you,

Another one may hit you in the chin,

Confuscious said the greatness of our being

Is that we chose to get back up again,

So, in between the winning and the losing,

You’ve got to live your life the best you know,

Some prizes you may win won’t be your chosing

And some blessing something less than you’d bestow.

Roots are what we dig for when we need ‘em,

An anchor on the hill against the wind,

A person or some place that gives some meaning,

To that X upon the map where you began,

So, in between the winning and the losing,

You’ve got to live your life the best you can,

The wings that bear you to you new horizon,

Are wings that can surely bring you home again.

I started blogging to get my thoughts out of my head and share my trials with others so that they would know there are other parents out there struggling. I took a break because I needed to focus. I don’t want just the downer Debby stuff, I want to share the triumphs too. How do you focus on the day to day, share just enough that you don’t get a ton of trolls, but still make a difference?? I read plenty of blogs, many of them help me to lighten up and understand that being a mother is my most important job, but it will not be my only job. I desire to share the funny and the frank things that my kids share with me but how do I get that balance? No one is travelling the exact same road I am on so comparison is not even an option. I feel lazy. I feel as if I have no energy, no motivation. I WANT to do so many htings but lack the self-discipline to follow through on any of them. I do good to be consistent with my kids but everything else is less than consistent. And now it seems there is no point to this post except to day that You that may read this, you are not ALONE. Someone has had a similar experience, they can share your pain, they can lighten your load in some small way. You are not alone.

2012- Ok. Normally I would be excited about summer, no more alarm clocks, no rigid schedules, things of that nature…..but my 16 year old has gone down a long and hard road by failing 4 classes this year. He just does not seem to care. He is in his own world and doesn’t even interact with the rest of us. This is the worst. SO now we have a month of summer school, which means having him at school by 7 am and he does not get out until 4 or later depending on his progress.

2014- And now here I am facing his graduation. Should I long for the summer as I normally would or do I dread it or perhaps get excited because my first born will soon be leaving the nest? It actually gets me quite emotional to think on it for too long. He has come so far in so many aspects and in others well there has been progress. I don’t know what my life will be like as it is the beginning of my little critters going out into the cold hard world no longer shielded by my rules and guidance. I can only hope that the big lessons have stuck with him and that his sisters that follow in a few short years will learn them well so that maybe they will be equipped to deal with adulthood. I hope they are better equipped than I was, I hope I have done better than my own parents (whose skills were not lacking exactly, I know they did they best they could).

I think that I am in no rush for summer to get here. I find that I am not longing for the heat, nor do I intend to rush this last little bit of time that my young man is firmly under my roof, in my home, the place where I can gently open his door and watch him sleep because it is my right because he is my child, my son, my first-born and we will never get this chance again.