What I have been up to…

Initially months ago, I had posts ready and just pop in a post them and go about my day. Now if you have seen the gap, you can tell that did not happen. Technology, both a burden and a blessing.

What I have been doing is working to help get a non profit organization off the ground. Months of working with horses, from basic needs to learning vet care/first aid for them. And now I’m not. The decision has been painful. I love the horses. I love helping horses and I believe in the original mission of the organization, but somewhere things went awry and I had to realign my priorities. You see horses are therapy for my family. From the house fire in ’06, to the disturbances of ’13, to coping with our new normal in ’16, and everything in between; horses have been our safe place. They still are, we have 10 of our own. I just will not be working with the organization in the capacity that I once was. My role, if I still have one, will be much much smaller. I am okay with that. I need to focus on my family and all of the changes we are facing.
Now that we all know what I have been doing. Let’s focus on today!!
Love and light y’all! {MUAH} big hugs

Bumpy Road

Folks! I tend to follow my passions and not always with the best results but always wholeheartedly and with everything I have got. With that said, there comes a time when you make choices. You follow your heart. You follow your gut and you get down to the real and the right now. I have made some adjustments over the last few weeks and while I have had to let go of some things that were weighing on me and embrace a new “normal” for my family. I have also faced that some people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I knew this, it isn’t news to me but every stinking time I part ways with folks that were big deals for awhile, well it stings. I don’t love any of these folks any less than before, but I feel their role has concluded for now. Sometimes they come back, other times its a swan song and we move forward because time stops for no one.

If you have read any of my previous posts you know I am in a transitional period in life. My husband is no longer able to work. We don’t now why he is in such pain. (still!) I am mom to 5 kids and they are ALL back home now. Big fella bounced back from trade school a little jaded and well, he’s home now. I home school the other 4 and they do pretty well even though I am probably biased. I take care of my husband, home, kids, horses, all sorts of stuff. And this is my outlet, sort of: I started blogging to keep a record of what was happening with my family’s journey dealing with my DD2’s mental health issues and just being who we are. Now I hope its just a sort of chronicle for someone out there to see they aren’t alone.

For as long as I can remember I loved helping people. I originally went to college in the 1990s to become a psychiatrist and was discouraged by a counselor because of my GPA. (eye roll). I am now firmly 40 and I am not a licensed anything, ok well I am a licensed driver! 😉 I still love to help people and I do this in various ways. 1) I am a Younique presenter and it has been a completely uplifting experience!! 2)I am still working towards becoming an LPC in TX!! 3) I have considered becoming a life coach, which is really saying that I want to get paid to help people figure out their lives because lets face it, we are all pretty good at figuring out others problems. 😀

I’ll keep updating and do a more expanded post soon concerning the medical mumbo jumbo. In the meantime, prayers appreciated friends, the road is long and this momma is signing off. Love and Light y’all!!

October – answers??

October was the magic month we had been waiting for and I had a really good feeling about it. I was going to move up in my Younique business, get the kids sleep schedules back on track, catch up on laundry and my to-do list. AND the BIG ONE – we were going to get answers from the neurologist. It hasn’t happened yet. The other stuff it will get done and I will promote my business like I should, but this wait and wait and testing only to get nothing is so frustrating and it makes me sad. Not going to lie to you people it makes things feel so impossible. It feels like we are getting nowhere. Nothing has been ruled out, nothing has been diagnosed. We do need to check into home health care helpers – not sure who is going to pay for that…I have orders for a wheelchair to help get hubs around to doctors appointments. Some days are good and he can get around, other days are not and he needs help with stuff. And then there are the kids, keeping them busy, answering their questions, trying to be as normal as we can be given the limitations on funds and time restraints. Ehh I sound like I am complaining and maybe I am…but then today is just one of those days that I am sad. I slog through the rain to tend to horses, help calm the baby my daughter is babysitting, find a place that can get us a wheelchair for doctors appointments, check emails, it all seems so much like drudgery. BUT then a little ray of sunshine comes through, maybe its a phone call, text, message, or FB post…but it comes through and makes the day a little better. For me, today it was the lady on the other end of the phone who was so sweet and so sympathetic when I told her we needed to get a wheelchair for my husband. A wheelchair y’all!!!! Granted it is only for days when we are out and about but still, he needs one. A walker was ruled out because there are times his arm does the muscle twitchy thing and would not be able to hold up his weight. I’d like to go back 2 years when I thought things were awful and they really weren’t, they were just the beginning of some of the awful. We have been on a journey y’all and by the grace of God I am still here. Still putting on my armor everyday and still carrying a little hope in me that there will be sunshine after the rain.

It is a BIG BIG world – that really is TINY.

This week we have been so busy with routine things. I have been working on a Fired Up and Focused challenge for my business and it has been AMAZING!! Personal and business development is a life-long learning experience! We have made one trip to the ER with my husband following a pretty good fall. My ‘nother child in college is having a case of the blues and there isn’t much I can do about it, cannot make people be her friend! 😦 Oldest daughter having tooth pains which required a 3 hour visit to the dentist’s office and then we wait to make sure insurance will pay for the crowns! Homeschooling lessons that are engaging and fun and let the kiddos learn, yeah we are working on that one!!
So folks there is a HUGE amount of people in the world. Making it a BIG BIG world. However thanks to Facebook and an awesome group of prayer warriors I have discovered that sometimes the world shrinks a little. You see a wonderful woman who is also a hairstylist and grew up in my tiny corner of the world has had a bilateral stroke and things are not looking good for her long term. Turns out our family and behavioral therapist is one of this angels clients!!! Small world!! We connect with people in so many ways and on so many levels that as scary as the world is we can connect with people. This lovely hairstylist who does such a great job for her clients is now facing the battle for her life and we are standing together in prayer for her to get better. She may not remember me as I was such a small part of her early life, but I remember her and I will pray for her and her friends and loved ones because when we were kids she extended kindness to me!! And even if she was a stranger I would pray for her because its who I am.
And more BIG world Small world…There is a wonderful Younique presenter that I have met through Facebook who is facing the same diagnostic struggles that my husband is facing!! The pains are so similar when she spoke about them I just KNEW exactly what she was going to say before she ever said it!! The little bit of numbness in her hands and arms, tingling in her toes and tripping over and stumbling through the day!! And as awful as it is that she is experiencing this, my husband is NOT alone!! It is not something he conjured up in his head, it is real and someone else is going through the same thing!! That part feels amazing!! Feeling like you are alone in an uphill battle is never fun!! Realizing that there are others in the world that know what you are going through as awful as your struggle may be, it feels good, you feel validated. You feel less alone!
My week is winding down but we can totally manage some meal planning, lesson plans, working my business, and a few phone calls. I hope when you read this a light dawns on you. Reach out. Make that call. Send that message!! You can make a difference with just a few words, a gesture, whatever you can manage. You can make the world a smaller and more accepting place!! GO be Beautiful!! Love and light!

The Road goes on Forever…meet the crew

Sept 2
Today I head into the local workforce center for some sort of orientation. It is mandatory because we have had to apply for federal assistance. I do not know if anyone knows or understands that being on federal assistance, when you come from a long line of blue collar joes, is a pride swallowing, soul sucking endeavor. Most people will “get” that you are asking for help, but when you are tasked with being THE person to do the asking and sometimes it feels as if you are pleading for help, it drains you. When your days are filled with phone calls concerning the health of at least one of your family members and fighting with insurance to cover things that so many take for granted. I am grateful that the assistance is there; however, I am not thrilled that I have to arrange for someone to come and stay with my family while I attend this orientation and then patch my husband through via phone because he doesn’t travel well and sitting in an office chair for 60-90 minutes will hurt him too badly. So today we will do orientation at the local workforce center. I have so much to be grateful for but right now I want to explain part of our current journey. A little “meet the crew” if you will.
My youngest girl, well she has horrible headaches and jaw problems. The simplest fix is for her to get orthodontic intervention that will re-align her jaw hopefully cutting down on the teeth grinding and most likely will put an end to most of her headaches. That is a simple solution and definitely less expensive, however Medicaid has stopped covering braces or orthodontic intervention unless it is deemed “medically necessary” so we had to be referred to a neurologist, then back to the primary care provider as a follow up and then a consultation with the orthodontist ALL so these 3 medical professionals can decide that braces and orthodontic treatment are medically necessary. Now mind you this is not a simple “straightening of the teeth” this is jaw re-alignment and straightening of the teeth which should reduce her TMJ symptoms, teeth grinding, and straighten her teeth. Someone explain to me why this loop of ridiculousness is necessary?? Why is her PCP and orthodontist word that fixing her jaw is “medically necessary” not good enough?? Oh and now the neurologist has referred us to 2 more specialists opthamologist and cardiologist, just to be on the safe side and ordered a slew of blood tests. ALL to get a jaw and teeth fixed. This is the logic I am dealing with on a daily basis. Trying to find some way to help my child who is in pain at least 4 days out of the week and often wakes herself from sleep because she is grinding her teeth!!
My husband is a different story entirely. Enrollment papers were not mailed out to us so we defaulted into a healthcare plan that we did not choose. We find out this error when his neurologist calls to confirm his appointment and get his insurance information. So guess what?? Yeah, that neurologist doesn’t accept this insurance!! So what looked like HOPE…that we got into a neurologist rather quickly has turned into NOPE…BTW I made that appointment for hubs at the same time in June that I made my daughter’s (her appointment was August 27). Primary care doctor wants to have cervical and head MRI done, to get a better picture. He tries 3 times and insurance denies. So he refers to neurologist hoping that as a specialist the neuro will have more luck getting tests ran. We may wind up going to a hospital and asking to be admitted for observation and testing. Honestly I feel desperate at times. Sleep deprived sitting up answering surveys, working my Younique business, blogging, researching figuring out some way to hustle up money to pay the bills.
My middle gal, I love her to pieces as she has such a terrific heart and she can be an incredible person. BUT, yeah you knew it was coming, she has an alphabet of diagnoses. NO really, PDD-NOS (aka autism spectrum disorder), BPD rapid cycling, ADHD, ODD and a couple of others but I try not to focus on the diagnoses because she is so much more than all of those letters. Oh and let us not forget she is also 14 and hormonal and teen girls WITHOUT any neurological and gastric issues are in and of themselves a handful. And my middle gal is more than a handful. She has good days that can be incredibly awesome where she sleeps well, wakes up refreshed and accomplishes all of her tasks for school work and even may do some chores. But those bad days man they are doozies here lately. We had taken her off medication because she was homeschooled and we wanted her to learn coping mechanisms versus using pharmaceuticals as a crutch. Don’t get me wrong, modern medicine is AMAZING, but she is still developing all of the things that will make her who she is and I (we) are not fans of what some medications can do to a developing young person.
Then we have the oldest of our girls (the ones I gave birth to) and she has dyslexia and asthma along with an old shoulder injury that acts up from time to time. She is a real doll and my biggest helper and cheer leader. She is so dang smart, until you put her on the spot to read something and then she sort of shuts down. She learns by doing and seeing things done. She loves a good story but reading is problematic and she has lovely handwriting because her stubborn little butt sat down and hand copied the library books she brought home and PRACTICED her pretty handwriting!! I let her use my kindle a lot because it has text to speech and she can make pretty much any book an audio book and I try to help her understand literature by having her follow along the text to audio or watch a movie or play versus reading them. She has pretty darn good instincts too and is sensitive to energies around her and that may come in handy with the horses she plans on training.
We also have Babyboy in the house, he is almost 6 and he was our unexpected surprise baby!! Like for real the doctor congratulated us and apologized in the same breath!! He is an awesome little dude. SO articulate and he loves Farming Simulator and Minecraft and videos of people doing things and building things. Think planes, trains, and automobiles and that pretty much cover it and LEGOS, cannot forget about legos!! He is a boy alright and also loves to be outside and get dirty but hates to take a bath and wash his hair. He is a real snuggle bug too and is so very generous with smiles and hugs and will absolutely out of nowhere tell you that he loves you.
You may have already noticed that Big boy and Big girl have left the nest to pursue other things and for that I am humbled, grateful, proud, and just a little sad. I will when necessary update on their young adult lives but my focus on this blog is the journey of life and those we encounter so be prepared to meet some characters along the way. And while it seems like time has hit fast forward in some places and in others its as if someone has hit pause. How can that be?? My kids are all growing up and getting older and yet we still seem stuck in the same situation. Faith is the hope in things not seen. Giving up is not an option when someone is calling you mommy. Love and light readers. God Bless ya for reading!