Mothersense

Bumpy Road

March 8, 2016 by Mothersense, posted in This Life

Folks! I tend to follow my passions and not always with the best results but always wholeheartedly and with everything I have got. With that said, there comes a time when you make choices. You follow your heart. You follow your gut and you get down to the real and the right now. I have made some adjustments over the last few weeks and while I have had to let go of some things that were weighing on me and embrace a new “normal” for my family. I have also faced that some people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I knew this, it isn’t news to me but every stinking time I part ways with folks that were big deals for awhile, well it stings. I don’t love any of these folks any less than before, but I feel their role has concluded for now. Sometimes they come back, other times its a swan song and we move forward because time stops for no one.

If you have read any of my previous posts you know I am in a transitional period in life. My husband is no longer able to work. We don’t now why he is in such pain. (still!) I am mom to 5 kids and they are ALL back home now. Big fella bounced back from trade school a little jaded and well, he’s home now. I home school the other 4 and they do pretty well even though I am probably biased. I take care of my husband, home, kids, horses, all sorts of stuff. And this is my outlet, sort of: I started blogging to keep a record of what was happening with my family’s journey dealing with my DD2’s mental health issues and just being who we are. Now I hope its just a sort of chronicle for someone out there to see they aren’t alone.

For as long as I can remember I loved helping people. I originally went to college in the 1990s to become a psychiatrist and was discouraged by a counselor because of my GPA. (eye roll). I am now firmly 40 and I am not a licensed anything, ok well I am a licensed driver! 😉 I still love to help people and I do this in various ways. 1) I am a Younique presenter and it has been a completely uplifting experience!! 2)I am still working towards becoming an LPC in TX!! 3) I have considered becoming a life coach, which is really saying that I want to get paid to help people figure out their lives because lets face it, we are all pretty good at figuring out others problems. 😀

I’ll keep updating and do a more expanded post soon concerning the medical mumbo jumbo. In the meantime, prayers appreciated friends, the road is long and this momma is signing off. Love and Light y’all!!

October – answers??

October 23, 2015 by Mothersense, posted in This Life

October was the magic month we had been waiting for and I had a really good feeling about it. I was going to move up in my Younique business, get the kids sleep schedules back on track, catch up on laundry and my to-do list. AND the BIG ONE – we were going to get answers from the neurologist. It hasn’t happened yet. The other stuff it will get done and I will promote my business like I should, but this wait and wait and testing only to get nothing is so frustrating and it makes me sad. Not going to lie to you people it makes things feel so impossible. It feels like we are getting nowhere. Nothing has been ruled out, nothing has been diagnosed. We do need to check into home health care helpers – not sure who is going to pay for that…I have orders for a wheelchair to help get hubs around to doctors appointments. Some days are good and he can get around, other days are not and he needs help with stuff. And then there are the kids, keeping them busy, answering their questions, trying to be as normal as we can be given the limitations on funds and time restraints. Ehh I sound like I am complaining and maybe I am…but then today is just one of those days that I am sad. I slog through the rain to tend to horses, help calm the baby my daughter is babysitting, find a place that can get us a wheelchair for doctors appointments, check emails, it all seems so much like drudgery. BUT then a little ray of sunshine comes through, maybe its a phone call, text, message, or FB post…but it comes through and makes the day a little better. For me, today it was the lady on the other end of the phone who was so sweet and so sympathetic when I told her we needed to get a wheelchair for my husband. A wheelchair y’all!!!! Granted it is only for days when we are out and about but still, he needs one. A walker was ruled out because there are times his arm does the muscle twitchy thing and would not be able to hold up his weight. I’d like to go back 2 years when I thought things were awful and they really weren’t, they were just the beginning of some of the awful. We have been on a journey y’all and by the grace of God I am still here. Still putting on my armor everyday and still carrying a little hope in me that there will be sunshine after the rain.

Roller-coaster—of LOVE!!

September 23, 2015 by Mothersense, posted in Mental Health Recovery, Reclamation

I know many of my posts lately have dealt with my husband and his lack of a diagnosis. That is hard y’all we are nearly a year into this struggle but that has put some of our other family struggles on a back burner so to speak. I have high lighted what we have gone through with the doctors and hospitals without really mentioning what the kids are dealing with on a daily. This week has been a doozy!!
Maybe you have read previous posts and you know that the dwellers in my household consist of 4 children and 2 adults – because oldest boy has gone to college and boomeranged back to live with my parents and my ‘nother daughter is off at college now. I home-school the remaining 4: 15 girl, 14 girl, 11 girl and 5 boy. Oh yes, you read that right I have 3 hormonal females in my house, besides me!! On top of that little bit of delightful oldest girl 15 – Squirrel,is dyslexic, asthmatic, and hates to write but loves to talk, my 14 year old Bug, has an alphabet of diagnoses that include autism and bi-polar disorder, 11 year old girl, Lala, has migraines, lots of allergies, and some serious issues with her jaw that we are working to correct, and then we have Bear and his energetic, charismatic, all boy, 5 year old self. That is about it in a nutshell. However we have had some serious head-butting going on this week!
I don’t know if it is the stars aligning or the cycle of the moon or the hormonal cycle but my precious precious Bug is having a really difficult time coping with every single thing. I am not saying she has not been taught tools, coping skills, time outs, etc, I am saying none of it seems to be enough!! So we have had numerous angry and emotional outbursts this week and they end in lots of tears and BIG BIG hugs!! I love her so much and it kills me to see her get like this, but it is to be expected. It is part and parcel of who she is and we love her through it, we let her know that her diagnosis is not an excuse to treat people badly. We let her know that we aren’t perfect either and we get through apologies. We let siblings know to be patient with her and love her and try to be tolerant of her sometimes annoying behaviors, like wanting to listen to the same song over and over and over again. The older girl gets it even though she sometimes forgets, younger girl gets it but sometimes it is scary, and Bear well he mostly goes with the flow right now. We foster love here, we want kids that will love an support one another no matter what and I think we are getting there.
If I learn anything from my Bug it is that she feels everything very deeply and she doesn’t regret it but I hope she learns from it all. I hope she learns from watching me. Sadness is ok to feel but you don’t have to stay there and dwell on what makes you sad. Anger is ok to feel too, feel it, and let it go because it will eat you alive. Love, oh LOVE!! Loving on people is so great at times, but then they disappoint because that is human, and then love hurts. Hurt is ok too, but not a place to stay, lick your wounds and move on. Happy is a good place to be, counting your blessings even in the face of adversity. Happy to have the chance to Live, Love, and Laugh another day. Happy to see others succeed in life, not to be envious of them but happy for them to be living their dream. I hope not only my sweet and precious Bug sees all of this in me but ALL of my children see the example I am trying to be.
I don’t give up because I realize who is watching. Love and Light readers!

Personally yours – Personal Development goals/obstacles

September 19, 2015September 23, 2015 by Mothersense, posted in Mental Health Recovery, Reclamation

When one is trying to grow personally and develop a plan for a business there are some obstacles that will inevitably come up and perhaps slow the progress. I have taken my hubs disability as a sign that maybe we all needed to slow down and work on things as a couple, a family, and rethink where our priorities are. We seem to constantly be re-evaluating what is most urgent to deal with because we are in a lengthy “crisis” mode and I am trying my best to keep the kids away from that mode and absorb most of that onto myself and a little on my husband because feeling like you are “on the verge” all of the time is exhausting.
We have run into financial obstacles. I have unfortunately had to sell things, ask for help from local churches, cash in life insurance, pretty much take everything down to the bare bones of living so that we can continue to afford to live in our home and not be forced to surrender another home and move in with family. SO far we are managing alright but most recently the federal TANF program had me so dad gum irritated. I have medical documentation that my husband cannot work, he doesn’t even travel well. I have a document that the doctor signed that says my husband cannot be left alone because he is a fall risk, meaning I do not get to “get out” much of anywhere without arranging care for him. Finding appropriate and hopefully free care for him has proved challenging. Imagine my surprise when hubs actual physical presence is REQUIRED for an “orientation” despite the documentation provided by a medical professional saying that he cannot!! SO my TANF application has been denied, no opportunity for appeal and I will need to re-apply because re-applying takes less than 30 days and appeals can take up to 90 days….and this folks is our federal government at work. I am not really complaining because at least the help is there; I am just shaking my head at how bogged down the whole thing is for applicants and recipients.
Emotional obstacles and here I can only speak for myself but this journey has days that leave me so depleted I honestly cannot comprehend how I am awake and even remotely functional. I deal with ANGER, the whole “why us?” sort of thing and I don’t get it and I lash out and wonder what I did to be getting beat down like this…And then I realize that I am NEVER going to understand the reasons WHY. And I reconnect to a calmer place and shake off the anger and put on my smile and get back to the work of whatever the day has left to bring us. It sometimes happens as fast as it took you to read that, but certain days, days that have been just way too much, it may be 15 minutes or a couple of hours of just being in a mood. It isn’t really angry, or sad, or upset its just a dreadful place that I prefer not to be so I try not to stay there. I am not a pity party sort of person but that is usually how I refer to these lapses in my normal upbeat self. I also try to stay away from people when I feel like this. I tried the whole “keeping it in” and TRUST ME, It doesn’t work, at all, EVER! Instead of keeping it in I usually have 15 minutes a day that I sort of “let it all hang out” and it may be in the shower crying or outside away from everyone but the cat while I have a little alone time talking to God. Either way it heals me just a little bit and I can breathe a little easier and continue on my journey.
Scheduling obstacles are the most frustrating. It would not matter if I wrote out a minute by minute plan of every single day we would still end up with something not getting done because someone would want to take the schedule literally and someone else would be so free with it …well I guess you get the picture. Between my autistic/bipolar/adhd daughter and her other terrific siblings we have pretty hectic days with homeschool lessons, co-op days, chores (kids just love those), meals and meal plans. It is still a journey y’all and this household is a never-ending work in progress.
Love people even when you think they don’t deserve it, and be the light you want to see in the world!! = Love and light readers! always Jules

It is a BIG BIG world – that really is TINY.

September 18, 2015 by Mothersense, posted in This Life

This week we have been so busy with routine things. I have been working on a Fired Up and Focused challenge for my business and it has been AMAZING!! Personal and business development is a life-long learning experience! We have made one trip to the ER with my husband following a pretty good fall. My ‘nother child in college is having a case of the blues and there isn’t much I can do about it, cannot make people be her friend! 😦 Oldest daughter having tooth pains which required a 3 hour visit to the dentist’s office and then we wait to make sure insurance will pay for the crowns! Homeschooling lessons that are engaging and fun and let the kiddos learn, yeah we are working on that one!!
So folks there is a HUGE amount of people in the world. Making it a BIG BIG world. However thanks to Facebook and an awesome group of prayer warriors I have discovered that sometimes the world shrinks a little. You see a wonderful woman who is also a hairstylist and grew up in my tiny corner of the world has had a bilateral stroke and things are not looking good for her long term. Turns out our family and behavioral therapist is one of this angels clients!!! Small world!! We connect with people in so many ways and on so many levels that as scary as the world is we can connect with people. This lovely hairstylist who does such a great job for her clients is now facing the battle for her life and we are standing together in prayer for her to get better. She may not remember me as I was such a small part of her early life, but I remember her and I will pray for her and her friends and loved ones because when we were kids she extended kindness to me!! And even if she was a stranger I would pray for her because its who I am.
And more BIG world Small world…There is a wonderful Younique presenter that I have met through Facebook who is facing the same diagnostic struggles that my husband is facing!! The pains are so similar when she spoke about them I just KNEW exactly what she was going to say before she ever said it!! The little bit of numbness in her hands and arms, tingling in her toes and tripping over and stumbling through the day!! And as awful as it is that she is experiencing this, my husband is NOT alone!! It is not something he conjured up in his head, it is real and someone else is going through the same thing!! That part feels amazing!! Feeling like you are alone in an uphill battle is never fun!! Realizing that there are others in the world that know what you are going through as awful as your struggle may be, it feels good, you feel validated. You feel less alone!
My week is winding down but we can totally manage some meal planning, lesson plans, working my business, and a few phone calls. I hope when you read this a light dawns on you. Reach out. Make that call. Send that message!! You can make a difference with just a few words, a gesture, whatever you can manage. You can make the world a smaller and more accepting place!! GO be Beautiful!! Love and light!