October: Domestic Violence Awareness Month — It’s Not as Simple as “Just Leave”
October is more than pumpkin spice and falling leaves — it’s also Domestic Violence Awareness Month. A time to shine a light on a shadow that exists in too many homes, behind too many closed doors, often in silence.
I have loved people who were involved in domestic violence situations. I have witnessed the pain, the confusion, the trauma — and the resilience. And I want to be very clear: It is never as simple as “just leave.”
We often hear that phrase from the outside looking in. It’s easy to believe that leaving an abusive partner should be a quick decision — that once the abuse is recognized, the path forward is obvious. But those of us who have walked alongside someone in that situation — or have lived it ourselves — know better.
Domestic violence isn’t always black eyes and bruises. It can be emotional manipulation, financial control, isolation, threats, gaslighting — or a combination of all these things. Abusers often wear masks to the world, and behind closed doors, they strip their partners of safety, confidence, and independence.
The truth is, leaving can be the most dangerous time. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), more than 70% of domestic violence-related murders happen after the victim has left or is in the process of leaving. That’s not just a statistic — that’s a heartbreaking reality.
The Complexity of Abuse
Here’s why “just leave” doesn’t cut it:
- Emotional ties: Abusers often use manipulation and trauma bonding, making the victim question their own worth, memories, and even reality.
- Financial dependence: Many survivors have no access to money, bank accounts, or employment. Financial abuse traps them in fear of homelessness or inability to care for children.
- Fear: Of retaliation. Of the unknown. Of the legal system. Of being believed.
- Children: Survivors worry about custody battles, safety of their kids, or the trauma of uprooting their lives.
The cycle of abuse is real. It’s not linear. Survivors might leave and return multiple times before finding a way out for good. That doesn’t mean they’re weak — it means they’re surviving the best they can in an incredibly complex and dangerous situation.
What You Can Do
You don’t have to have all the answers to help someone. You don’t need a magic solution. Sometimes, just being there is the most powerful act of love.
- Listen without judgment. Let them speak. Let them cry. Let them not talk about it if they’re not ready.
- Let them know you’re a safe place. Say: “I believe you. You don’t deserve this. You’re not alone.”
- Don’t pressure them to leave. Instead, help them build a plan when they’re ready. Offer resources. Offer your presence.
- Be patient. Healing and action take time.
If You or Someone You Know Needs Help
There are organizations ready to support survivors — with safety planning, emergency shelter, legal help, therapy, and more.
📞 National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Or text “START” to 88788
http://www.thehotline.org
Available 24/7. Confidential. Free.
🟣 Love is Respect (for young people/teens)
Text “LOVEIS” to 22522
http://www.loveisrespect.org
A Few More Statistics to Remember
- 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner.
- On a typical day, more than 20,000 phone calls are placed to domestic violence hotlines across the U.S.
- Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women — more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.
To anyone who is in a violent or emotionally abusive relationship:
You are not alone. You are worthy of safety. You are not crazy. You are not weak. You are loved.
You may not be ready yet — and that’s okay. When you are, we will be here.
To the rest of us: Be the safe place. Be the soft landing. Be the friend who listens and believes — without pushing, without judgment.
Because love isn’t supposed to hurt.
Because silence doesn’t heal.
Because awareness leads to action.
Love and Light, People. 💜
Mothersense and Miscellaneous 