Category: This Life

2012- Ok. Normally I would be excited about summer, no more alarm clocks, no rigid schedules, things of that nature…..but my 16 year old has gone down a long and hard road by failing 4 classes this year. He just does not seem to care. He is in his own world and doesn’t even interact with the rest of us. This is the worst. SO now we have a month of summer school, which means having him at school by 7 am and he does not get out until 4 or later depending on his progress.

2014- And now here I am facing his graduation. Should I long for the summer as I normally would or do I dread it or perhaps get excited because my first born will soon be leaving the nest? It actually gets me quite emotional to think on it for too long. He has come so far in so many aspects and in others well there has been progress. I don’t know what my life will be like as it is the beginning of my little critters going out into the cold hard world no longer shielded by my rules and guidance. I can only hope that the big lessons have stuck with him and that his sisters that follow in a few short years will learn them well so that maybe they will be equipped to deal with adulthood. I hope they are better equipped than I was, I hope I have done better than my own parents (whose skills were not lacking exactly, I know they did they best they could).

I think that I am in no rush for summer to get here. I find that I am not longing for the heat, nor do I intend to rush this last little bit of time that my young man is firmly under my roof, in my home, the place where I can gently open his door and watch him sleep because it is my right because he is my child, my son, my first-born and we will never get this chance again.

WOW! It is what sums up how quickly things have changed and how much information has been stuffed into my head since January of 2012! I thought I knew what was going on with my kids, and the diagnosis last fall made it seem like my instincts were right, and being right never felt so bad. I had hoped and prayed that maybe, just maybe my daughter’s eccentricities were just that, but I suppose deep down I knew there would come a time when a diagnosis would be helpful in determining treatment. We found some solace in an outpatient treatment facility. I had been at my wits end trying to get a combination of meds and therapies to help her better deal with what was going on in her head. MAYBE we have found a solution for now. Twenty-three days in a behavioral treatment center!! A very long and trying 23 days! First there was the intake appointment, forty-five minutes form our home and she was in fact a good candidate!! Insurance paid for 18-23 days!! I had to attend family therapy sessions, schedule them around my own classes and the other kids things…it was a delicate balancing act and I think I came out ok. More importantly my dear sweet Bug has benefited from intensive therapy!! She has mood stabilizers which help with both her Asperger’s and bi-polar tendencies, and a medication for her ADHD that helps her to stay focused! I am not a proponent of meds, but they have made such a difference and she is not a zombie!! I have my little girl back!! Oh don’t get me wrong, she is still very much a pre-teen, and prone to outbursts and things, but it is so much more on a scale that is acceptable for the rest of us to deal with, it is dare I say it, nice!

Well I reflect back on 2011 and think it wasn’t as bad as I originally thought. Oh sure we had some serious mishaps, Jarrett only worked 7 months out of the year, summer was tumultuous, I had to have emergency surgery, the new school year started off badly..I could go on, but that really isn’t my point. Every year brings the promise of hope and a new day, a chance to start anew, and even though some view each day they are alive this way, it is most emphasized at New Year’s. So 2011 I will bid you a final farewell, it was rough in places but there were significant blessings sprinkled in there with all of the difficulty. I look forward to 2012 as I do most years and I too have the hopes of a fresh start in a new home with my family and a more positive outlook on the world in general. Many things will come as time passes this year and I hope that when it is time to bid farewell to 2012 I am a better person than I am today! Love and light readers!

Certainly have had a rough 2011 but thoroughly looking forward to a spectacular 2012!! So now we have decisions to make. Some concern DD2 and her learning “disabilities” and whether or not we should home school or not. DD1 & DD3 are on board either way, which is awesome!! In fact everyone is on board depending on my decision. But ultimately the decision is mine because I will be the one designing their curriculum and doing the work alongside them. My own mother, a product of public schools run by teachers that would slap your hand if you wrote left handed, is on board. We are in a home school friendly state, not too sure about the district, or how they would react but again, it is up to me, not the district to decide what is best for my children. I hesitate at this important juncture, we could begin in the summer before school starts for the public school kids and go from there and see how the kids adjust. Homeschooling has come so very far in the years since I first considered it. My DS1 and oldest does not want to lose out by being pulled out of public school, he loves band and we could in no way afford private lessons for him, so it is a consideration. He also loves his athletics that are through the district so he is much more invested in our PS than he would ever want me to know, but I am leaning towards transitioning during the summer so the kids will get a taste and feel of it, at least the girls. It doesn’t seem fair that my oldest misses out on this time but I will listen to him and follow his lead, if he stays is PS then so be it. I can face the battles that come with that and home school his sisters and little brother when the time comes. I fear battles on every front with our district because of the struggles we have had thus far. If I leave them I have to fight for my kids’ rights to have special services due to their diagnosed conditions or pull them out and deal with them on my own without the interference of the local PS. There is also the possibility of the lovely (not so) truancy officer and maybe she would pop over for a visit to attempt to force their attendance (she is a real piece of work). Oh Pray for me any who read this that I might make the right choice for my kids. I know I have the ability to do it, but it is a huge undertaking, and is it the right time? I’ll keep you posted and may the good Lord guide me in the weeks to come!