Category: This Life

I have to be me
Sometimes I am chastised for being too kind, too caring, too trusting in this nasty world of ours.
I leave myself open to friendships and love. I get hurt alot by people that I care about. It doesn’t make me stop caring. It makes me want to do more, help more, reach out more. I know you must be thinknig I am crazy to keep putting myself out there only to continue getting hurt, being betrayed, sticking my neck out for other people. I just cannot stop being me.

I don’t know how to be any other way. This crazy mixed up and often clumsy person is who I am. I can be mean, don’t get me wrong, but it usually makes me feel horribly ill and I do not like it at all. I want people to like me. I want to be accepted for who I am, not what I can do for you. I am not a wealthy person, but I am RICH. I have family and friends that back me up even when I am not being so nice, they help me when I stumble and catch me when I fall.

I try every day to go out of my way to be kind to other people, sometimes strangers, other times acquaintances, family or friends. You ask for a few dollars for your phone bill?? I only have $10 right now, I hope it helps. You need a ride to the doctor? Tell me when and where. Your neighbor’s friend lost their home in a fire?? I will rally the troops and start a prayer chain and start finding out what ways we can best help them. Your uncle is terminally ill, get that prayer chain going, calling my prayer warriors. Your child is becoming difficult for you to handle?? Let him stay with me for a little bit, it’ll do him good, change of scenery, different atmosphere. That dog that needs a home?? I will try hard, and if not I will drive it to the shelter and make a donation while I am there. This is what I do, and I do not expect anything in return except the thought that I do what I can to make the world a better place for my children. You know, pay it forward? start a chain reaction….It is always who I am at the very core of my being. I am a giver. And as a giver I don’t always have boundaries and I have been taken advantage of, made fun of, treated poorly but it doesn’t stop me from being ME. I cannot stop being who I am to suit others or because I might get hurt. I have to believe that I will have an impact on the world. I need to know that kindness and laughter are my legacy.

I can’t say I am always so nice and sweet. I am not terribly good with money, I forget things, and I do have a mean streak (don’t mess with family). I do have my moments, but at the very core of my being, the make up of Julie Inez is a kind and generous soul who will always be trying to do my part. Love me – hate me or be completely indifferent, it is your choice and in some cases YOUR LOSS.

I just had to get that out there.

Halloween
I did not hear as many rumblings against Halloween this year as I have in years past. It is interesting to me that many Christians associate Halloween to Paganism. Did these same people not wear costumes and trick or treat with their friends? Do you exchange gifts (some extravagant) with loved ones for Christmas? I was pondering this recently and thought what a hoot! Most people celebrate American Halloween with parties and games, dressing up in costume and trick or treating(getting candy after knocking on a doorstep). How is that Pagan? I don’t see it. I know the historical roots of the holiday, but I also know it is my mother’s birthday so we always have come together as a family to celebrate. How do the Americans that howl about Halloween celebrate Christmas? Christmas is about the birth of God’s son. The spirit of the season is giving, of yourself, your time, and perhaps even your money. It is not about granting the wishes of our children and trying to get them the best toys. It is a time to teach our children charity, even if you do not have much, you typically have more than someone out there. Just as our Halloween is about fun and games, enjoying the company of our friends. And we all know it is NOT just the Irish who have fun on St. Patrick’s day, and you don’t have to be Catholic or even religious to enjoy (or hate) St. Valentine’s day.

well that is my rant for now, wanted to get down my deep thoughts while I could.

I am migrating posts that I had saved as notes on my personal Facebook – if they are not my original thoughts the writer is acknowledged.

The Gift of Belonging

from the book : Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms by Kristine Carlson

For those of us who remember family-oriented television like The Waltons or Family Ties, and other shows that emphasized strong family bonds, there is something wistful about how programming- and our world – has changed. Yet as demographics have shifted and new family structures have emerged, strong family bonds still sustain us. Perhaps more than ever, our youth need strong value and support systems that come from family and community. The feeling fof belonging keeps them safe. It prevents our kids from joining gangs and cliques that can hurt them, where unhealthy choices are made, and where lives can tip in the wrong direction.

The greatest blessing you can give your children is a sense of “belonging” to their clan of relatives. Our sense of family increases as we continue to share bonding times that include extended family: grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. As you participate in and carry on family traditions with parties and reunions celebrating momentous occasions, your kids get to see what stuff they are made from, and are given an opportunity to know their heritage, which ultimately strengthens them as individuals.

The family unit structure is strengthened through spending time together. In addition, you can enhance that sense by guiding your children into activities with a greater community of like-minded supporters. Your church may have a youth group; your community may have organized sports or recreation leagues. These are areas outside the family that create community for our child, but still reflect our values and goals.

There is nothing like family dinners. I have a friend whose extended family has faithfully enjoyed Monday night dinners together for nearly twenty five years- aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. When the older children are away at college or the younger ones have a conflict, they are excused; otherwise, the entire family is expected to gather. It’s where they want to be. For most of us, sitting down together to enjoy a meal is one of the most ancient traditions alive, and the place where family bonding occurs. Find the time to sit down together as often as you can. Have family members help to prepare the meal and set and clear the table. Give a prayer of gratitude and thanksgiving while holding hands around the table. Take turns in light-hearted, easy banter and share the stories of the day. Discuss current events and world issues together. Acknowledge the joy but also the sorrows by checking in with each person: “How’s your heart today?” This ensures that your kids know that no matter how their day went, or how much drama they are having with friends, they belong to a family where the love that holds them transcends anything negative that happens.

Go on a family hike. Go for picnics. Take in the scenery and fresh air of the outdoors. Think about road trips and visits to national landmarks. Go to the beach, or a national park. Camping experiences are among the most powerful ways to bond as a family. Getting back to nature and its simplicity is nourishing to a family’s spirit. Campfires, roasted marshmallows, and night time stories told beneath a star-filled night sky make memories that create belonging. So do the rituals you perform at holiday time, on birthdays and anniversaries, and for special occasions. The more rituals and traditions you have, the greater connection to the family.

Take time with your family. Slow down. Visit your extended family and go to weddings and funerals. Enjoy your holidays and create rituals that come through family traditions that are passed down through generations. Create memories. When your kids grow where they belong, they will always find their way home. Listen. Love. Share. Belong together. These bonds are forever.

Roots and Wings
This is an Irish song and it suits the effort behind family reunions and and why family and where you came from can be so important.

ROOTS AND WINGS

Words and music by Steve Romanoff

I probably heard it somewhere, but it’s the notion that the best of what you give to children reveals itself as a sense of place and also of liberation….roots and wings. It’s the universal pairing: a home to which you can always return combined with knowing when and how to leave.

For all the gifts that life may give you,

I give your roots, I give you wings,

For all the hands Lady Luck may deal you,

For all the chances tomorrow brings,

Of all the lessons that life may teach you,

May you come to value above all things,

That the greatest gift anyone can give you

Is to give you you roots and give you wings

For every single door that opens to you,

Another one may hit you in the chin,

Confuscious said the greatness of our being

Is that we chose to get back up again,

So, in between the winning and the losing,

You’ve got to live your life the best you know,

Some prizes you may win won’t be your chosing

And some blessing something less than you’d bestow.

Roots are what we dig for when we need ‘em,

An anchor on the hill against the wind,

A person or some place that gives some meaning,

To that X upon the map where you began,

So, in between the winning and the losing,

You’ve got to live your life the best you can,

The wings that bear you to you new horizon,

Are wings that can surely bring you home again.

I started blogging to get my thoughts out of my head and share my trials with others so that they would know there are other parents out there struggling. I took a break because I needed to focus. I don’t want just the downer Debby stuff, I want to share the triumphs too. How do you focus on the day to day, share just enough that you don’t get a ton of trolls, but still make a difference?? I read plenty of blogs, many of them help me to lighten up and understand that being a mother is my most important job, but it will not be my only job. I desire to share the funny and the frank things that my kids share with me but how do I get that balance? No one is travelling the exact same road I am on so comparison is not even an option. I feel lazy. I feel as if I have no energy, no motivation. I WANT to do so many htings but lack the self-discipline to follow through on any of them. I do good to be consistent with my kids but everything else is less than consistent. And now it seems there is no point to this post except to day that You that may read this, you are not ALONE. Someone has had a similar experience, they can share your pain, they can lighten your load in some small way. You are not alone.