Roller Coaster

I have not had much time lately for writing and it bothers me in a way that I cannot put into words. The roller coaster of life has me hanging on by a thread. November 7th had the hubs in surgery. Prior to that we thought he had pancreatitis and he actually could have acute pancreatitis or something else altogether. The removal of the gall bladder has helped some and it was obviously malfunctioning because the tests showed that it was. Follow me here because there is some sarcasm laced into my words. My husband is still in pain, not the sort of pain you would expect after an abdominal surgery we are nearly two weeks out and he should be getting better, but he isn’t. He still has continued nausea, abdominal pain, and fatigue. Is it too much to ask to get a doctor on board to review all of this and come up with an answer?? We tried using Care Now doctors and signed up for their plan to save us money but their physician sent us back to the ER. That was one week post- op and we land back in the ER with a 6 hour wait to see a doctor and be treated. They find nothing. They are as confused as we are about us being told to return to the ER. We just want the pain to stop. I don’t want to lose my husband. I want him to be well and to provide for our family. I want to be able to grow old with him and watch his hair gray completely (he’s had gray hair since he was 16). Where do we catch a break on this? The kids are divided into two camps- they are either worried about their dad and what is going on or they are wondering what the heck is going on and are experiencing a fraction of my frustration.
Motherhood is laced with so many instances of “What do I do?” and this is one of those. We are on a roller-coaster here and the kids are not stupid, they are picking up on my stress and frustration. I cannot completely explain the ins and outs of this medical mess to them but I also have to tell them something. I have to at least eek out enough money for their activities and new jeans for the girls. My friends are pondering the big Thanksgiving feast or going Christmas shopping and I am smiling at them, I love them. I love that they can do that for their families but I am seriously concerned about this holiday season. Its not just the money, it is the anniversary of hubby losing his brother. Our first full holiday season without Bubba…December 9, 2013. And that date is approaching too…
Mommas out there… I need you to know that if you are frustrated, exhausted, depleted and the roller-coaster of life is getting to you. I AM HERE. I AM WITH YOU. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and although my journey may be different from yours, the light is there. We just have to believe and we need to use the resources available!!! We don’t have to bear it alone!!