Alright folks I dashed off about 300 words for y’all. That was hard!! I wanted to give you sooo much more because there is so much more going on here at 7R Round up!!!
Sparing you icky details of the last few months we have made little to no progress on a diagnosis for my husband. We know his back was the cause of the pain and may have been triggered by the surgery and having to take it easy. The doctor has said he may have MS or another neurological condition but that he needs surgery on his thoracic spine and possibly his lumbar later in life!! For now on that front we manage the pain let him do what he can, and pray for better news later. Kids are back on their homeschool lessons and we have added my little man to the mix learning as he goes and doing some more formal school work. Horses are doing well. Parents are getting older. Let’s move on to more interesting subjects. *winking* ME!!
Me personally- I am on a journey y’all. I am tired and feel so dad gum exhausted all the time. So I am starting an exercise routine and have had a dear friend volunteer to keep me moving and accountable and if anyone can do it he can! I am going to take care of me because there are people counting on me to be at 100% for a very long time!! SO I want to lose the weight, look fabulous, and FEEL good!! I have also become a Younique presenter which has also opened some doors for me. The company recently challenged presenters to use Rachel Platten’s “Fight Song” and lip sync to it and for every video Younique Corporate would donate $$ to The Younique Foundation for sexually abused women. These videos made me feel all sorts of feels. I am a sexual assault survivior. I have been victimized but I am not a victim. I have fought long and hard with myself about all of these feelings and what to do with them. I did not have the courage shown by so many Younique presenters to do a video but I am saying it here. Details don’t matter. I am the 1 in 4 (I have 3 sisters). I did not report any of my assaults, not the first time and not the last (there was more than one). It had me twisted up in knots y’all!! I did not see my value on this Earth for a long time. I drank too much and was essentially trying really hard to numb the pain. I was essentially in a self-destruct mode. I blamed myself and believed all of the awful things that were said about me. Damaged Broken Worthless Shameful there was so very much to feel then and these videos, these women openly stating what happened to them, it had me feeling all the feels all over again. And it sucks but only sort of…You see people I am a victim or sexual assault, but I also survived it, I overcame the worst, darkest, painful days of my life and because I had told NO ONE, I did it “alone.” Alone in the sense that no other human knew about these terrible dark things except the other humans involved in the incidents. Now there are a few that will not be surprised by this post because I have openly talked about it with them but this was long after I had become a wife and mother. Ladies I pray you NEVER have to experience sexual assault, and if you have bear with me because my story may not be like yours. The journey I am on is to complete my healing. I am not the victim. I am the survivor, not because it is POLITICALLY CORRECT to be a survivor and not a victim, but because it is the right word to choose. When I chose to binge drink and do all sorts of crazy things that could have ended my life, I was a victim, I was letting what happened to me change me in a bad way. I am a survivor because I am coming to terms with all of it and I want so badly to heal. I have to choose forgiveness. I have to know with every fiber of my being that I did not ask to be assaulted. I have to know that regardless of my sexual history I wasn’t asking to be assaulted. I have to understand that flirting does not mean I wanted to be assaulted. I am working on all of that. The wounds have been healing all these years and I thought I was finished. I had moved on, married, had a family, but I have not completely healed because I still have trouble seeing the faces of those men. I shudder at the idea of running into them. It is getting better now that I am being more open about it but this long road doesn’t have to be your journey. You can get help now. The legal system was only involved in one case and that is because he tried to turn the tables and claim I had taken advantage of him and I had to sit in a detective’s office and explain in explicit and anatomical detail what had happened to me. My purpose in writing this and putting it out there on the internet is not to name names or to shame anyone. It is to shatter the idea that RAPE is something we should be ashamed to discuss. Sexual assault, sexual abuse, happens way too often and society needs to STEP UP and do something. I want other women to not feel the way I felt, to not keep it inside, don’t lock it away. GET REAL. GET HELP. And if you need to reach out to someone I am here. And there are many others out there like us who are taking this step in healing. I pray my 4 girls never have to deal with this issue. WE can change the 1 in 4!! Love and light readers!!!
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Mothersense and Miscellaneous 