Author: Mothersense

Sept 8 2015
Today was the start of our homeschool co-op. Back to the “grind” so to speak but really it isn’t, it is just another day of routines. Except that on the night before I realized I had forgotten one of THE most important things I needed to handle…care for the hubs while we were out of the house for roughly 5 hours!! How did I forget such an important part of this new routine?? I just did. I frantically called my dear mother at 9:38 at night and asked if I could bring hubs over during the day tomorrow as the friend we would normally ask had another task he had to do. Well God’s grace washed over us because it all turned out ok. It worked out fine, but in that 15 minutes that I sat outside and bawled and felt so completely alone in this journey and like an utter failure for overlooking something that I should have KNOWN to take care of, I was miserable. I was miserable and alone and felt like I had let my husband down. (I hadn’t) AND I am not alone. I have people I encounter everyday via facebook or text and sometimes even in the Wal Mart parking lot that I speak to and I am happy to see and they are with me. They pray for me and my family. THEY are my village to whom I spead as much love and light as I can. Sometimes when I am physically alone I forget that so many are really THERE with me. We are in the trenches doing our damnedest to live our lives, and we may not speak every single day but we pray. We pray alone, in groups, in pairs, during Sunday service, we pray. And ladies and gentlemen it is only by the grace of God that I am still standing. Oh and that lovely email came, TANF was denied. We shall see how that works out for them because the reason we were denied assistance was asinine. I’ll get to that another day and another post. Tonight is about realizations.
I also realized tonight, as I did in fact encounter one of these Godly women in my village,that I have been delivered from so much pain in my past. I have overcome so many obstacles and that it wasn’t just ME who overcame, I had help. I had help from my mother who never has stopped praying for me. I had help from my sisters both blood and not who pray for me. I have had help from complete strangers who bless me with their prayers in groups and among those who see or hear about my journey. It is my journey y’all and Somedays almost want to give yp. I believe in miracles. I will walk this path and know that I am never alone, and neither are you! Love and light readers!! I am only a message away!

I am divorcing my disabled husband. It’s not what you think, the difficulties were there for years and we refused to face them. In order to move forward for myself and my children I did have to face them. I had to be ok both physically and emotionally. No more throwing myself into a project or spending hours away from the issues. 

So I sat down with my husband and we had a very difficult discussion. It took time for it all to sink in with him but we agree for the most part. Our marriage is over, it has been for a few years. We were making one another miserable and we had tried counseling, techniques, but the reality was: it was over. Without hashing out the down and dirty we are both dealing with it all in our own way. The kids are adjusting. I hope he finds a way to heal himself and be a good dad. I hope my children will one day understand that I never once made this decision lightly. It took me years to gather the courage to speak the words “I want a divorce”

Now we deal with making arrangemnets and  adjustments for different things. Ex and oldest daughter are living in a different state. Oldest son is living with his new wife as of March. I have DD2 and DD3 as well as Baby boy at home with me and my new man. (That is a tale for another day) and we are doing well. 

Love and light folks!! Life is just too darn short! 

Initially months ago, I had posts ready and just pop in a post them and go about my day. Now if you have seen the gap, you can tell that did not happen. Technology, both a burden and a blessing.

What I have been doing is working to help get a non profit organization off the ground. Months of working with horses, from basic needs to learning vet care/first aid for them. And now I’m not. The decision has been painful. I love the horses. I love helping horses and I believe in the original mission of the organization, but somewhere things went awry and I had to realign my priorities. You see horses are therapy for my family. From the house fire in ’06, to the disturbances of ’13, to coping with our new normal in ’16, and everything in between; horses have been our safe place. They still are, we have 10 of our own. I just will not be working with the organization in the capacity that I once was. My role, if I still have one, will be much much smaller. I am okay with that. I need to focus on my family and all of the changes we are facing.
Now that we all know what I have been doing. Let’s focus on today!!
Love and light y’all! {MUAH} big hugs

Folks! I tend to follow my passions and not always with the best results but always wholeheartedly and with everything I have got. With that said, there comes a time when you make choices. You follow your heart. You follow your gut and you get down to the real and the right now. I have made some adjustments over the last few weeks and while I have had to let go of some things that were weighing on me and embrace a new “normal” for my family. I have also faced that some people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I knew this, it isn’t news to me but every stinking time I part ways with folks that were big deals for awhile, well it stings. I don’t love any of these folks any less than before, but I feel their role has concluded for now. Sometimes they come back, other times its a swan song and we move forward because time stops for no one.

If you have read any of my previous posts you know I am in a transitional period in life. My husband is no longer able to work. We don’t now why he is in such pain. (still!) I am mom to 5 kids and they are ALL back home now. Big fella bounced back from trade school a little jaded and well, he’s home now. I home school the other 4 and they do pretty well even though I am probably biased. I take care of my husband, home, kids, horses, all sorts of stuff. And this is my outlet, sort of: I started blogging to keep a record of what was happening with my family’s journey dealing with my DD2’s mental health issues and just being who we are. Now I hope its just a sort of chronicle for someone out there to see they aren’t alone.

For as long as I can remember I loved helping people. I originally went to college in the 1990s to become a psychiatrist and was discouraged by a counselor because of my GPA. (eye roll). I am now firmly 40 and I am not a licensed anything, ok well I am a licensed driver! 😉 I still love to help people and I do this in various ways. 1) I am a Younique presenter and it has been a completely uplifting experience!! 2)I am still working towards becoming an LPC in TX!! 3) I have considered becoming a life coach, which is really saying that I want to get paid to help people figure out their lives because lets face it, we are all pretty good at figuring out others problems. 😀

I’ll keep updating and do a more expanded post soon concerning the medical mumbo jumbo. In the meantime, prayers appreciated friends, the road is long and this momma is signing off. Love and Light y’all!!

October was the magic month we had been waiting for and I had a really good feeling about it. I was going to move up in my Younique business, get the kids sleep schedules back on track, catch up on laundry and my to-do list. AND the BIG ONE – we were going to get answers from the neurologist. It hasn’t happened yet. The other stuff it will get done and I will promote my business like I should, but this wait and wait and testing only to get nothing is so frustrating and it makes me sad. Not going to lie to you people it makes things feel so impossible. It feels like we are getting nowhere. Nothing has been ruled out, nothing has been diagnosed. We do need to check into home health care helpers – not sure who is going to pay for that…I have orders for a wheelchair to help get hubs around to doctors appointments. Some days are good and he can get around, other days are not and he needs help with stuff. And then there are the kids, keeping them busy, answering their questions, trying to be as normal as we can be given the limitations on funds and time restraints. Ehh I sound like I am complaining and maybe I am…but then today is just one of those days that I am sad. I slog through the rain to tend to horses, help calm the baby my daughter is babysitting, find a place that can get us a wheelchair for doctors appointments, check emails, it all seems so much like drudgery. BUT then a little ray of sunshine comes through, maybe its a phone call, text, message, or FB post…but it comes through and makes the day a little better. For me, today it was the lady on the other end of the phone who was so sweet and so sympathetic when I told her we needed to get a wheelchair for my husband. A wheelchair y’all!!!! Granted it is only for days when we are out and about but still, he needs one. A walker was ruled out because there are times his arm does the muscle twitchy thing and would not be able to hold up his weight. I’d like to go back 2 years when I thought things were awful and they really weren’t, they were just the beginning of some of the awful. We have been on a journey y’all and by the grace of God I am still here. Still putting on my armor everyday and still carrying a little hope in me that there will be sunshine after the rain.