Author: Mothersense

I started blogging to get my thoughts out of my head and share my trials with others so that they would know there are other parents out there struggling. I took a break because I needed to focus. I don’t want just the downer Debby stuff, I want to share the triumphs too. How do you focus on the day to day, share just enough that you don’t get a ton of trolls, but still make a difference?? I read plenty of blogs, many of them help me to lighten up and understand that being a mother is my most important job, but it will not be my only job. I desire to share the funny and the frank things that my kids share with me but how do I get that balance? No one is travelling the exact same road I am on so comparison is not even an option. I feel lazy. I feel as if I have no energy, no motivation. I WANT to do so many htings but lack the self-discipline to follow through on any of them. I do good to be consistent with my kids but everything else is less than consistent. And now it seems there is no point to this post except to day that You that may read this, you are not ALONE. Someone has had a similar experience, they can share your pain, they can lighten your load in some small way. You are not alone.

2012- Ok. Normally I would be excited about summer, no more alarm clocks, no rigid schedules, things of that nature…..but my 16 year old has gone down a long and hard road by failing 4 classes this year. He just does not seem to care. He is in his own world and doesn’t even interact with the rest of us. This is the worst. SO now we have a month of summer school, which means having him at school by 7 am and he does not get out until 4 or later depending on his progress.

2014- And now here I am facing his graduation. Should I long for the summer as I normally would or do I dread it or perhaps get excited because my first born will soon be leaving the nest? It actually gets me quite emotional to think on it for too long. He has come so far in so many aspects and in others well there has been progress. I don’t know what my life will be like as it is the beginning of my little critters going out into the cold hard world no longer shielded by my rules and guidance. I can only hope that the big lessons have stuck with him and that his sisters that follow in a few short years will learn them well so that maybe they will be equipped to deal with adulthood. I hope they are better equipped than I was, I hope I have done better than my own parents (whose skills were not lacking exactly, I know they did they best they could).

I think that I am in no rush for summer to get here. I find that I am not longing for the heat, nor do I intend to rush this last little bit of time that my young man is firmly under my roof, in my home, the place where I can gently open his door and watch him sleep because it is my right because he is my child, my son, my first-born and we will never get this chance again.

WOW! It is what sums up how quickly things have changed and how much information has been stuffed into my head since January of 2012! I thought I knew what was going on with my kids, and the diagnosis last fall made it seem like my instincts were right, and being right never felt so bad. I had hoped and prayed that maybe, just maybe my daughter’s eccentricities were just that, but I suppose deep down I knew there would come a time when a diagnosis would be helpful in determining treatment. We found some solace in an outpatient treatment facility. I had been at my wits end trying to get a combination of meds and therapies to help her better deal with what was going on in her head. MAYBE we have found a solution for now. Twenty-three days in a behavioral treatment center!! A very long and trying 23 days! First there was the intake appointment, forty-five minutes form our home and she was in fact a good candidate!! Insurance paid for 18-23 days!! I had to attend family therapy sessions, schedule them around my own classes and the other kids things…it was a delicate balancing act and I think I came out ok. More importantly my dear sweet Bug has benefited from intensive therapy!! She has mood stabilizers which help with both her Asperger’s and bi-polar tendencies, and a medication for her ADHD that helps her to stay focused! I am not a proponent of meds, but they have made such a difference and she is not a zombie!! I have my little girl back!! Oh don’t get me wrong, she is still very much a pre-teen, and prone to outbursts and things, but it is so much more on a scale that is acceptable for the rest of us to deal with, it is dare I say it, nice!