Divorce is difficult, even when things are as amicable as possible. Two happier homes for kiddos instead of one unhappy home. Mind you unhappiness is not the only reason for divorce, at least not in my case, but it has been a factor.
What comes next is different for everyone. For my bunch it means siblings that were once always under one roof are now scattered. Oldest son is in a different part of the state and seemingly happily married to a young lady that he is hoping to build a great life together. I wish him the best as he currently does not really speak to me for anything. Oldest daughter chose to live with her father in Kansas. I respect their choices. I applaud that they know their own mind enough to stick with their choices and face whatever may come. Hopefully it shows my influence as a parent. I love them. I would love for them to be closer, but they aren’t and that is ok. Which leaves me with the youngest 3 of my brood. Kiddo 3 still has some emotional difficulties but she is leveling out and we are working in therapy to help her deal with all of the changes. Logically she totally gets the divorce more than any of the kids, emotionally she is glad the chaos and turmoil are over but she misses her dad and older siblings. Kiddo 4 is moody and somewhat sassy, she doesn’t speak much about how she feels but her grades are good, she doesn’t rage at me like others have and for that I am grateful. Little man is a little trooper. He misses his dad and sister but they talk through skype pretty regularly and he is doing great in school. There are moments I want to duct tape his mouth shut because he can be sooooo loud, but heck he is a kid and that is pretty much par for the course.
So now we get to what all of this really means. I claimed my happiness and physical well being over that of anyone else. I stood up for me and my children and decided that staying in a marriage that was not functional despite our best efforts was not the example I wanted my children to see. I said enough late nights crying and fighting for something that I felt like the ONLY one fighting (FELT- my opinion) I still care about their father and wish him no harm, but we are much calmer and more centered since the split. We both see clearly now that it is what it is. We had a good run, it was not all bad and we still have to be parents so we will act like adults and mind our manners and take care of the kids. In the months and years to come there will be adjustments and maybe even holidays where I don’t have kids underfoot and I am ok with that because no matter where my kids may travel, they are loved. If they are with me, they will know love. If they are with their father, they will know love. And hopefully they will not have to see any more ugly holiday arguments, and they will embrace the love no matter where they lay their heads.
As for me, the mom, the bad guy, the one who had the courage to call a spade a spade and walk away: I am still standing. I am stronger than I ever thought possible. I have grieved the ending of what I once thought would be forever. I have also moved on to a new life, a new chapter, a new man, a new job, a new calling. Change is good people, it is hard, but it is good. And if you are still reading this I will tell you how amazing it is to embrace change and love and be loved and supported, even when you are a bundle of nerves and tears.
Many Thanks to my favorite Hooker and my beloved Thumper, for sticking with me and holding me up when I thought I would fall.
***EDIT*** My bestest friend told me to make sure that y’all know she is not an actual hooker, that is just a pet name we use for one another. Oh and Thumper well he may never read this but his nickname brings to mind so many things: music, the character Thumper from Bambi that has NO FILTER and well a more adult spin but either way that is his nickname for the most part I typically only use it here and in private conversations.
Love and Light readers!!
Mothersense and Miscellaneous 