I am migrating posts that I had saved as notes on my personal Facebook – if they are not my original thoughts the writer is acknowledged.
The Gift of Belonging
from the book : Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Moms by Kristine Carlson
For those of us who remember family-oriented television like The Waltons or Family Ties, and other shows that emphasized strong family bonds, there is something wistful about how programming- and our world – has changed. Yet as demographics have shifted and new family structures have emerged, strong family bonds still sustain us. Perhaps more than ever, our youth need strong value and support systems that come from family and community. The feeling fof belonging keeps them safe. It prevents our kids from joining gangs and cliques that can hurt them, where unhealthy choices are made, and where lives can tip in the wrong direction.
The greatest blessing you can give your children is a sense of “belonging” to their clan of relatives. Our sense of family increases as we continue to share bonding times that include extended family: grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. As you participate in and carry on family traditions with parties and reunions celebrating momentous occasions, your kids get to see what stuff they are made from, and are given an opportunity to know their heritage, which ultimately strengthens them as individuals.
The family unit structure is strengthened through spending time together. In addition, you can enhance that sense by guiding your children into activities with a greater community of like-minded supporters. Your church may have a youth group; your community may have organized sports or recreation leagues. These are areas outside the family that create community for our child, but still reflect our values and goals.
There is nothing like family dinners. I have a friend whose extended family has faithfully enjoyed Monday night dinners together for nearly twenty five years- aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. When the older children are away at college or the younger ones have a conflict, they are excused; otherwise, the entire family is expected to gather. It’s where they want to be. For most of us, sitting down together to enjoy a meal is one of the most ancient traditions alive, and the place where family bonding occurs. Find the time to sit down together as often as you can. Have family members help to prepare the meal and set and clear the table. Give a prayer of gratitude and thanksgiving while holding hands around the table. Take turns in light-hearted, easy banter and share the stories of the day. Discuss current events and world issues together. Acknowledge the joy but also the sorrows by checking in with each person: “How’s your heart today?” This ensures that your kids know that no matter how their day went, or how much drama they are having with friends, they belong to a family where the love that holds them transcends anything negative that happens.
Go on a family hike. Go for picnics. Take in the scenery and fresh air of the outdoors. Think about road trips and visits to national landmarks. Go to the beach, or a national park. Camping experiences are among the most powerful ways to bond as a family. Getting back to nature and its simplicity is nourishing to a family’s spirit. Campfires, roasted marshmallows, and night time stories told beneath a star-filled night sky make memories that create belonging. So do the rituals you perform at holiday time, on birthdays and anniversaries, and for special occasions. The more rituals and traditions you have, the greater connection to the family.
Take time with your family. Slow down. Visit your extended family and go to weddings and funerals. Enjoy your holidays and create rituals that come through family traditions that are passed down through generations. Create memories. When your kids grow where they belong, they will always find their way home. Listen. Love. Share. Belong together. These bonds are forever.
Mothersense and Miscellaneous 