I have to be me
Sometimes I am chastised for being too kind, too caring, too trusting in this nasty world of ours.
I leave myself open to friendships and love. I get hurt alot by people that I care about. It doesn’t make me stop caring. It makes me want to do more, help more, reach out more. I know you must be thinknig I am crazy to keep putting myself out there only to continue getting hurt, being betrayed, sticking my neck out for other people. I just cannot stop being me.
I don’t know how to be any other way. This crazy mixed up and often clumsy person is who I am. I can be mean, don’t get me wrong, but it usually makes me feel horribly ill and I do not like it at all. I want people to like me. I want to be accepted for who I am, not what I can do for you. I am not a wealthy person, but I am RICH. I have family and friends that back me up even when I am not being so nice, they help me when I stumble and catch me when I fall.
I try every day to go out of my way to be kind to other people, sometimes strangers, other times acquaintances, family or friends. You ask for a few dollars for your phone bill?? I only have $10 right now, I hope it helps. You need a ride to the doctor? Tell me when and where. Your neighbor’s friend lost their home in a fire?? I will rally the troops and start a prayer chain and start finding out what ways we can best help them. Your uncle is terminally ill, get that prayer chain going, calling my prayer warriors. Your child is becoming difficult for you to handle?? Let him stay with me for a little bit, it’ll do him good, change of scenery, different atmosphere. That dog that needs a home?? I will try hard, and if not I will drive it to the shelter and make a donation while I am there. This is what I do, and I do not expect anything in return except the thought that I do what I can to make the world a better place for my children. You know, pay it forward? start a chain reaction….It is always who I am at the very core of my being. I am a giver. And as a giver I don’t always have boundaries and I have been taken advantage of, made fun of, treated poorly but it doesn’t stop me from being ME. I cannot stop being who I am to suit others or because I might get hurt. I have to believe that I will have an impact on the world. I need to know that kindness and laughter are my legacy.
I can’t say I am always so nice and sweet. I am not terribly good with money, I forget things, and I do have a mean streak (don’t mess with family). I do have my moments, but at the very core of my being, the make up of Julie Inez is a kind and generous soul who will always be trying to do my part. Love me – hate me or be completely indifferent, it is your choice and in some cases YOUR LOSS.
I just had to get that out there.
Mothersense and Miscellaneous 